Be Sassy Yet Not in a Bullying Way with Comebacks

Middle school and high school should be fun and worry free. But if you are being teased or picked on, that can make any situation stressful. There are several ways that you can sound sassy and confident when you are replying to a teasing or mean comment. Just remember--you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. These steps are useful if you are a teenager or even if you're an adult dealing with a bully in your workplace.

Steps

Choosing the Right Words

  1. Use humor. You will often sound more sassy if you can inject a joke into the situation. A witty comeback can go a long way towards easing any tension that occurs in social situations, at school, or at work. Using humor shows that you are able to deflect rude comments in a playful and carefree way.[1]
    • Humor can defuse a tense situation, and make a bully reconsider picking on you. Try making a joke or witty comment that turns the conversation in your favor.
    • For example, if someone teases you about your outfit, try saying, "Wow, I'm flattered you noticed what I'm wearing!" Or you could try, "Oh, I'm always too busy hanging out with friends to pay much attention to clothes!"
    • Even simply saying, "Awkward!" can ease tension and make the awkward situation an encounter everyone can laugh off.[2]
  2. Be assertive. Sometimes the best comeback is to simply tell the person bothering you to stop. Although it can be hard, look him in the eye and make your feelings clear. Speak firmly and maintain eye contact.[3]
    • For example, if someone is teasing you about a presentation you recently made, say "I'm not participating in this conversation." Then walk away.
    • You can show that you are sassy by portraying a confident attitude, and using assertive words is one of the best ways you can do that.
  3. Be prepared. Sometimes it can be hard to think on your feet. Especially if someone is teasing you, it is normal to get flustered and not be able to find the right words. Try having some standard comebacks ready for when you find yourself in such a situation.[4]
    • It's a good idea to think of some good lines to use in any situation. For example, you could try saying something like, "I heard you and I don't care" or "I don't let people like you bother me."
    • There are lots of other ideas you could try, such as "I wish you would stop wasting my time." You could also simply say, "Are you done yet?"
    • Pick some standard things to say that make you sound sure of yourself, yet do not hurt anyone's feelings. Remember, it won't make you feel better to put someone else down.
  4. Focus on the positive. It's difficult to be sassy if you are feeling bogged down with negative thoughts. In order to deliver a good comeback, you need to try to have an upbeat attitude. It can be hard to focus on the positive if you're in a tense situation, but if you consciously try to change your attitude you will see the impact that comes from positive thinking.[5]
    • Every minute of school and work won't be fun, but you can train your mind to focus on the good things that are going on in your life.
    • For example, if a coworker or classmate is teasing you about being awkward, take a deep breath and think, "I'm looking forward to hanging out with my friends tonight and watching a funny movie."
    • Make a list of all of the good things you have going on in your life. This will make it easier to recall them when you need to.
    • Try working some of these positive thoughts into your comebacks. You could say, "Whatever, at least I've got awesome plans for this weekend" if someone is making fun of you for being boring.

Gaining Confidence

  1. Be proud of yourself. To deliver a sassy comeback, you need to be confident in who you are. Remember, a good comeback is about making yourself feel and sound good. It's not about putting others down. Don't be afraid to show off all of your positive qualities.[6]
    • One of the best ways to build your confidence is to remind yourself that there are lots of things that make you great.
    • Make a list of your good qualities. Are you good at soccer? Write it down. Are you a good listener for your friends? Put it on the list.
    • You can use your positive attributes to help you come up with sassy comebacks. For example, if someone teases you for being a nerd, say "Yup, but all my 'nerdy' good grades are going to look fantastic on my college applications!"
  2. Try a new activity. Finding a new way to spend your time is an excellent way to build your self-esteem. Think about how great it feels to master a new skill. You feel proud of yourself and like you can take on the world. Figure out a new club to join or a new sport to try.[7]
    • Have you always felt like you might have an artistic side? Try taking a painting class.
    • Sometimes trying new things can be intimidating. Ask a friend to go with you for moral support.
  3. Exercise. You probably already know that physical activity is important to keep your body healthy. Just as important are the positive benefits that exercise can have on your mind. Reports tell us that not only does exercise reduce stress, but it's a great way to boost your self-esteem.[8]
    • Try to spend at least 30 minutes each day being active. Find an activity that you enjoy, such as riding your bike or dancing.
    • Working out is a great way to spend time with friends and family. Ask a friend to learn to play tennis with you, or ask your sister to take a walk with you after dinner.
  4. Practice your skills. Take some time to think about what you do best. Maybe you are a good writer or maybe you are an excellent swimmer. Make a list of the things you are good at. Then reflect on whether or not you are devoting enough time to honing your skills.[9]
    • When you're doing something you're good at, it's natural that it will boost your confidence and make you feel great about yourself.
    • Set aside time each week to devote to developing your skills. If you love writing, make it a priority to journal. You can also practice by trying out new genres of short stories.
  5. Spend time with friends. Hanging out with your friends is a great way to feel good about yourself. When you're with your buddies, you're spending time with people who think you're great. They'll laugh at your jokes and join you in doing your favorite activities. To become a more confident person, spend as much time as possible with your friends.[10]
    • If you're dealing with a bully, or even just an annoying person at school or work, your friends can help you. Try always eating lunch with a friend and having company for your walk or commute home.
    • Choose friends that are positive and fun. Being around them will naturally make you feel good.

Using Coping Skills

  1. Understand bullying. To deal with this situation, it's important to first understand what bullying is. If you are regularly being picked on and teased,it might be bullying. Bullying is intentional and inappropriate. You should remember that it is not your fault. No one has the right to make you feel bad on purpose.[11]
    • Signs of bullying include name calling and jokes that are hurtful instead of funny.
    • If you are purposefully being excluded from social groups, that is another form of bullying.
    • Bullying can also be physical. If you are being hurt, or threatened with physical action, make sure to ask for help from an adult you trust.
  2. Learn to handle stress. It can be tiring to regularly feel like you're in a position where you need to make a comeback to defend yourself. Stress can be exhausting and has a lot of negative impacts on your physical and emotional health. There are several things you can do to deal with stress.[12]
    • Make sure you are getting enough rest. It's easier to deal with tough situations if your body and mind are able to fully recharge at night. Adults should get 7-8 hours of sleep each night, and teens should get 1-2 hours more.
    • Take deep breaths. When you find yourself in a tense situation, take a minute to breathe deeply. This will help clear your mind and give you time to regain your composure.
    • Get moving. Regular exercise is shown to reduce stress and help individuals cope with problems.
  3. Change your environment. One of the most effective ways to handle bullying is to avoid him altogether. If possible, change your routine so that you minimize contact with the person bothering you. Try taking a different route to your locker or your desk. [13]
    • If it's impossible to avoid him altogether, consider walking away when he confronts you. Instead of making a sassy comeback, just turn your back and leave if you are teased. This will show that you are not dignifying this behavior with your attention.
  4. Share your feelings. If you are having a tough time, one of the best things you can do is remember that you are not alone. Talking about your feelings is one of the most effective ways to cope with problems. Ask a family member to listen to what you have to say and offer some advice.[14]
    • You can also talk to your friends. A good friend will be willing to hear you out.
    • Teachers, counselors, or coworkers can also be excellent resources.

Tips

  • Do not start a fight. These strategies are to be used only if you are being bullied by someone else.
  • Look the other person in the eye.
  • Never sound disrespectful or mean.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brainstorm/201003/top-strategies-handling-bully
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201412/the-best-way-deal-embarrassment
  3. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/bullies.html#a_Advice_for_Kids
  4. ↑ http://www.bullystoppers.com/101_great_comeback_lines.html
  5. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/dealing-with-bullying.htm
  6. ↑ http://www.nusd.ca.schoolloop.com/cms/page_view?d=x&piid=&vpid=1321265909469
  7. ↑ http://girlshealth.gov/feelings/happy/boost.html
  8. ↑ https://www.acsm.org/public-information/articles/2011/10/04/mental-health-benefits-of-exercise-for-adolescents
  9. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/best_self/confidence-worksheet.html
  10. ↑ http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/friends/bullies/article4.html
  11. ↑ http://www.stompoutbullying.org/index.php/information-and-resources/about-bullying-and-cyberbullying/are-you-being-bullied/
  12. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/stress.html#a_Keep_Stress_Under_Control
  13. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/emotion/bullies.html#
  14. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/talk_to_parents.html?tracking=T_RelatedArticle#cat20128
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