Be a Popular Transgender Person in High School

Many people say that being popular if you are transgender is impossible. Really, it isn't. This article however, can teach you how to make a large amount of friends and create a positive friendship flow as well as teaching you how to survive.

Steps

  1. Straighten your back and smile. Stand tall and show your pride in who you are. Imagine if you looked flawless... what would your posture be like? Now adopt that posture. Any time you find yourself slinking back to un-confident body language in the halls, remind yourself how fabulously attractive you are, and go back to your awesome walk.
    • It's okay if you don't feel fabulously attractive. Keep telling yourself, and keep pretending you are. Eventually, you'll believe it. You can shine.
  2. Cultivate confidence. There's a good chance you've learned to be resourceful and quick in order to protect yourself from the insults you've already heard. Use that quick and agile thinking, and put forth a calm, confident appearance. Others are drawn to confident, funny people. Look around - the most attractive people are not with the most handsome partners. They're with the funny and kind ones. Funny is money - use humor to help defuse tense situations, and you'll draw people in.
  3. Look for new friends. Be friendly and compassionate to others, and practice random acts of kindness. View each person as a potential new friend, and react to them in the most positive way. Usually, when you treat people well, they will also treat you well.
  4. Recognize that not everyone will be your friend, and that's okay. Your personality won't "click" with everyone, and that's natural and not a bad reflection on you. Don't assume it's because you are transgender.
    • If you don't wind up with the traditional "in-crowd," that's all right. That clique is hard to crack for anyone. There is no need to push it. Seek out other interesting and fun people and be popular in your own way.
    • Some people are legitimate jerks. This is because they are bad, and it has nothing to do with you. They are not worth your time.
  5. Ask people questions. People love to talk about themselves, so ask them questions to keep the conversation flowing about what they like. Show that you are interested in what they have to say.
    • After leaving a conversation, try mentally summing it up. "So Jordan's puppy Spots is teething, and he's trying to get her not to bite before he introduces her to his girlfriend." This way you are more likely to recall the details later, and Jordan will be pleased you remembered.
  6. Enjoy what you have. Focus on the upsides: the sweet girl you talked to today, your success in Spanish class, or your father's kindness. Reflecting upon the positives can help you stay afloat during the negatives.
  7. Get involved. Try joining clubs, doing volunteer activities, joining a sports team, and/or joining an LGBT+ group. Find your interests, and search for a group centered around those interests. This will help you meet people who share your talents and passions, and you can make great new friendships.

Being Closeted

Being closeted may mean living as your true gender without mentioning that you're trans, or it may mean being stuck cross-dressing as the sex you were assigned at birth, even though it's hard.

  1. Don't be mad at yourself for staying in the closet. Safety, acceptance, etc. are perfectly valid reasons not to come out, and you are not obligated to educate anyone. Your health comes first, and if that means not mentioning that you're transgender, that's okay.
  2. Remember that nobody is analyzing you as closely as you analyze yourself. Most high schoolers are absorbed in their own lives and dramas, so if you don't quite perform your gender perfectly, they won't notice or think much of it.
  3. Recognize that even if people do notice something, they're unlikely to comment on it. If you're a girl with a slightly deep voice or a short guy, politeness will keep most people from pressing further.
    • Guys do tease each other about perceived weakness, a.k.a. femininity, and you may be on the receiving end if you're a trans guy. You can shrug it off as good-natured teasing, or if it bothers you, take the teaser aside in private and explain that it's kind of a sore spot and you'd like him to stop.
  4. Pay special attention to self care. You might feel gnawed at by worries that you don't pass, or saddled with dysphoria at needing to pretend to be someone whom you aren't. This is difficult, and it will be stressful at times.

Being Out

  1. Surround yourself with accepting people and disclose everything to them. Take your time in deciding when to take people into your confidence, and if it makes you more comfortable, choose just one person to divulge your secrets to first. This person can help pave the way to being honest with your whole group, and can help be a bridge to understanding between you and them.
  2. Be prepared to do some explaining. Most high schoolers don't know the difference between sex and gender, simply because nobody has taught it to them. They may be a little awkward at first, but that is because this is new to them, not because anything is wrong or bad about you.
    • Educating people can be tiring. It helps to come up with a "script" that you can rattle off anytime, and to have a website URL or two that you can encourage people to check out in order to learn more.
  3. Look for people's second reactions, not their first. Having their ideas of gender overturned can be a little shocking, and they might react less positively than you hoped. Take a deep breath and give them a little time. Once they've had a little time to process, they will show their true colors.
    • If they realize that they overreacted and apologize, then it means they probably do support you and are worth your trust.
    • If it has been a week and they're still not accepting you, then it probably isn't going to happen. They don't have the strength to accept you.
  4. Don't take it personally if you run across some jerks. It happens, and it's their loss. Any cruel or cold actions are not a reflection upon you.
    • Unfortunately, some people won't like you because you are transgender. Remind yourself that sometimes people get scared or angry when they see someone who is braver than they are.
    • These people usually have some deep-seated issues of their own, and they aren't as brave as you are. Instead of blaming yourself, pity them. They simply can't be as awesome as you.

Caring For Yourself

Life can be difficult when you're transgender. It's important to take good care of your mind and body so you can feel your best.

  1. Take plenty of time to relax. Your emotional health matters, so spend lots of time hanging out with people who make you happy and/or engaging in hobbies that help you feel at peace.
  2. Remember that you do not need to shoulder the burden of perfection. It isn't fair to expect you to be an ambassador of transgender people, especially not when you are so young. No one is entitled to anything from you. Any educational or anti-discrimination efforts on your part are your choice, and you are not obligated.
    • Check yourself to make sure you aren't holding yourself to impossible standards. You should not expect yourself to constantly be a smiling, talking Trans 101 encyclopedia. Not every interaction needs to be a perfect educational moment.
    • If educating others is exhausting you, then by all means, give yourself a break. Say the magic words "Go look it up" and do something fun for a change.
  3. Immerse yourself in positive transgender media. Read webcomics such as The Princess and Rain, watch Orange is the New Black (if you are okay with R ratings), look at the work of transgender artists, and immerse yourself in transgender stories as told by transgender people. Representation matters, and it can really help to see fictional people who are just like you.
    • Don't just look for professional artists; a lot of amateurs also post worthwhile work.
  4. Make LGBTQIA friends. Look for transgender friends, but also other LGB+ people. There may be a club at school, a local support group, or a website (e.g. Tumblr) where you can meet others like you. They can understand you in a way that cisgender heterosexuals can't. Support each other, and know that you're not alone.

Tips

  • Seek support online when it gets you down. If it really gets you down, use an LGBT helpline (like the Trevor Project hotline). No matter where you live or how bad it gets, it does get better.
  • Everything takes time. Just as you want to be accepted for who you are inside, you need to accept your peers for who they are - they are not stupid, but they are ignorant, and they have no experience with transgender people to draw on. It's up to you to provide a positive experience for them by being a good ambassador for transgender people everywhere, and allow enough time for them to come to terms with you and others like you.
  • Always take the high road. Let no one say that you were rude, hostile, closed, defensive or a jerk to them - you don't want to give haters any more ammunition than they think they already have. If the worst thing they can say about you is "They're transgender" then that person has more problems than you do, because you're just a nice transgender person, while they are ill-informed. Pity that person, don't argue, fight or engage them.

Warnings

  • Remember that your mental health takes priority. Don't force yourself into a situation that you know you won't be able to handle - as important as education is, you always come first. Make sure to have a support system somewhere. The Internet can help you find other transgender people and/or professionals to help you.
  • Progress isn't achieved overnight. Be watchful - as your transgender status becomes known, there may be those who are so threatened by it that they become belligerent or physically threatening. Definitely, do not provoke these people - though it's a fun idea in the movies to think you could eventually win them over, the reality is that they are much more likely to do harm to you. Avoid these types and alert your teachers, counselors, or other authority figures to your concerns about them. Watch your back, travel in pods (more than 3 people) whenever possible, and just be aware of what's going on around you. Stay safe.
  • Don't be ashamed of who you are. That will never win you any friends.
  • You may be made fun of if people find out. Let it roll off your back.

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