Calculate Love Compatibility

There are many factors involved in deciding whether you would be compatible with someone who intrigues you. It's important to consider the following steps before you take the plunge. These suggestions will ease your path and protect your heart at the same time.

Steps

  1. Discover your "attachment style". Attachment theory identifies three main ways people perceive and respond to intimacy in romantic relationships: Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant. [1] People characterized by one of these styles share a particular view of intimacy and togetherness, a way of dealing with conflict, an attitude toward sex, a way of communicating their wishes and needs, and expectations regarding partnership. To choose the right mate or to improve your relationship with the one you already have, it is important that you understand each other's attachment styles and learn how to work through your differences. [2]
    • "Secure" people feel comfortable with intimacy and are generally warm and loving. Roughly half the population is considered "secure."
    • "Anxious" people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships, and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back. Around 20% of the population is "anxious."
    • "Avoidant" people equate intimacy with loss of independence. They often try to minimize closeness. Around 25% of people are "avoidant."
    • "Disorganized" people, who are both anxious and avoidant, represent around 5% of the population.
  2. Decide what you want from life. Choose your priorities: kids, career, lifestyle. If you want children but your partner doesn't, don't assume they will change their mind. They may not, and if you keep pressuring them, they may begin to resent you. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page in terms of where your lives are going and what you are going to accomplish together.
  3. Figure out if they have the qualities and share the values you are looking for. Take a look at the friends and family members you most admire. What are their qualities and core values? Are you looking for tactfulness or blunt honesty? A rule-follower or a rule-breaker? Someone who's security-conscious or a risk-taker? Plain or fancy? Homebody or party animal? Be open about your values, and look for compatibility.

Tips

  • Make sure you can be yourself around the other person. Otherwise, you're asking for heartache later.
  • If you have hobbies in common, that's a great bonus but not a necessity. Spending occasional time apart from your partner can be healthy.

Warnings

  • Don't build a life based mostly on money and power. Material objects can be lost or taken away. A strong relationship carefully guarded, however, is unbreakable.

Related Articles

  • Use Modern Psychology to Understand Romantic Love

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find- and keep -love. New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher.
  2. ↑ There are free quizzes available online, such as this one, developed by the authors of "Attached": http://www.attachedthebook.com/compatibility-quiz/
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