Support Someone Whose Child Is Hospitalized

Having a sick child in the hospital is just about every parent’s worst nightmare. As their friend or family member, you likely want to do something for them but may not be sure what is appropriate. By giving them emotional support, offering practical support, and remembering little details that matter, you can make this experience a bit better for them.

Steps

Giving Emotional Support

1. Ask about their well-being. You know your loved one is upset, anxious, scared, and a variety of other emotions. However, it’s still important for you to ask them how they are. They are likely so focused on their child that they aren’t concerned about themselves.
   • A simple, “Hi, friend. How are you feeling today?” could be all it takes to let them know it’s OK to talk about what they are going through. They may not feel comfortable discussing what they are experiencing because they don’t want to detract anything away from their child.
   • Asking shows you care and lets them know you are genuinely concerned. However, stick around after their initial answer—it may change once they feel they can actually talk about how they really feel.
2. Understand that they don’t have much mental energy right now. Don’t expect them to entertain you when you visit the hospital. Realize that they are likely going through the hardest time of their life at the moment. They won't interact with you in the same way that they usually do. For example, your friends might not have the energy to make small talk or laugh with you.
   • Don’t force anything when you visit. Trying to maintain a conversation may be too much for your loved one to handle right now. Sometimes just having someone to sit with in silence is a huge offering of support.
3. Stay positive. Your loved one may feel like their world is crashing down all around them right now. Seeing you could be the breath of fresh air they desperately need. Smile, offer hugs, and try to stay positive when you’re around them.
   • Feel things out when you get to the hospital. You can determine your energy and positivity level based on how things are going in the room. Adjust your behavior accordingly. For example, if your friends seem light-hearted it may be okay to tell a light joke about the hospital food or the parking. But, refrain from light-heartedness if they are crying or upset.
4. Be willing to listen or to help them find a therapist. Someone with an ill child may experience stress, isolation, fatigue, or other more serious symptoms of mental health issues. Offer to listen to the parent as often as you are able, but also keep in mind that just being there during these times may be helpful enough. If you think the parent may require more help than you can provide, then connect them with the appropriate resources, such as a therapist. Psychotherapy would allow the parent to talk through their feelings and increase their motivation to take care of themselves. Some common emotional issues that the parent may be having with their child being hospitalized might include:
   • Anger and frustration
   • Grief and sadness
   • Guilt (maybe feelings that they could have done something different to prevent their child from being hospitalized)
   • Anxiety and fear, such as worry over financial difficulties, or the possible death of their child.
   • Isolation and loneliness
   • Declining physical health and strain, illness, and physical and mental exhaustion.

Offering Practical Support

1. Volunteer to be their point of contact. Keeping friends and family members current with what’s going on can be exhausting for the parent. Offer to be the contact person that gives updates on your loved one’s child. Doing so allows them to focus on their kid as much as possible.
   • Ask your loved one if they feel comfortable with you taking on this responsibility. You can say, “I want to take as much stress off of you as possible. I would be happy to be the person your friends and family contact for updates, if that’s OK with you.” They will likely be grateful to have this sometimes overwhelming task removed from their plate.
2. Take care of their chores. Your loved one is likely spending all their time in the hospital. As such, their household chores are likely falling by the way side. Offer to take care of what you can.
   • For instance, this could mean taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn, feeding and caring for their pets, cooking meals, doing laundry, and performing other tasks. Knowing that these responsibilities are taken care of could provide your loved one with a certain amount of relief.
3. Bring supplies with you. Your loved one may not be able to leave the hospital often. Help out by bringing essential items with you when you come to visit. Doing so can make their hospital stay much more comfortable.
   • Call your loved one before you come to visit and ask what you can bring. Offer to bring them a change of clothes, healthy food, books, games, and other items that can keep them occupied during the hospital stay.
4. Help out with their other kids. Offer to spend time hanging out with their other kids, if they have any. You can also volunteer to take them places like school, sports, and playdates. Your loved one likely feels guilty that they are focusing all of their time and energy on their sick child. Spending time with their other children may make them feel better.
   • You could also volunteer to sit with the child in the hospital so that they can spend time with their other child. Getting out of there and being able to concentrate on something else for a little while may be exactly what your loved one needs right now.

Remembering the Little Things

1. Avoid talking about all the fun you’re having. Hearing about your amazing weekend getaway is probably the last thing your loved one wants to hear right now. They’ve been stuck in a hospital room for a certain length of time and likely don’t want to listen to how great your life is going. Try to remain respectful and considerate of their situation.
   • Keep this kind of conversation to a minimum, even if your loved one asks about it. Hearing your stories may serve as a distraction, but you don’t want to make it seem like you’re bragging.
2. Keep your opinions to yourself. You may see inserting your opinion on the matter as helpful, but your loved one may see it as you being bossy or critical. They have likely done everything they think they should. Having you state your opinion may seem like you are doubting what they’ve done.
   • Instead, let them know that you support them and the decisions they’ve made. Tell them they are doing an excellent job hanging in there. This will mean more to them than hearing what you would have done differently.
3. Check in often. You may think that you are bothering your loved one if you call or text each day. However, your contact may make give them the encouragement they need to get through the day. Don’t back off: your concern shows you care.
   • However, be considerate of what your loved one needs right now. Keeping them on the phone for an hour a day may take up too much of their time. Feel things out when you check in and then decide what works best for them, whether it’s a text, a quick drop by, or a daily phone call.
4. Encourage them to take care of themselves. Tell your loved one it’s OK to leave the room to get a change of scenery, particularly if the child is sleeping. Their physical and mental health is important right now and something they may not be concerned with. Be their reminder.

Sources and Citations

See also

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• Stop Bad Examples from Hurting Your Relationship
• Talk About Daily Stress with Your Partner
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• Change Someone Else's Behavior
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• Understand What a Relationship Means
• Get Someone to Like You
• Impress Your Friends
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