Give a Guy Space

Your relationship with your partner may be one of the most important ones in your life, and if he asks for space, it can leave you feeling hurt and confused. Sometimes, space is healthy and necessary for a relationship to function, and other times it’s important in indicating that it’s best to move on. Though it may be hard, you can give a guy space through changing up your communication with him, developing your own interests, and then reconnecting when the time is right.

Steps

Changing Your Communication

1. Determine what space means. Once you have been asked to provide more space in the relationship, find out what that will mean for the two of you. Perhaps he is just looking to have a bit more alone time on the regular but doesn’t want to cut off communication. Or maybe he is feeling a bit trapped and wants to figure out if this relationship is working for him. Whatever the cause, make sure to clarify the reason as well as next steps.
2. Develop a plan together. Your partner might need a break from you completely, and if he does, resist the urge to freak out. Instead, after asking why, develop a plan. You two will need to figure out how long of a break he needs as well as any boundaries that should exist during this time. For instance, perhaps he is asking for a two-week break to sort through some things, during which time he agrees to not initiate romantic contact with anyone else.
   • Determine what you are comfortable with. If you cannot handle two full weeks, then tell him this. If you would like the opportunity to see other people, tell him this as well, but be prepared for him to potentially be upset or angry.
3. Don’t always initiate contact. If you are accustomed to talking to him all day nonstop, it can be difficult to go cold turkey with communication. However, it is necessary that you do not always reach out to him first while he needs space except for in emergencies. He is asking for space for a reason and you should honor his request. Feel free to answer his calls and texts, but don’t always be the first to initiate.
   • For instance, if he asks for a bit more alone time in the relationship, and you notice that you are the only one who ever calls or texts first, refrain from doing so. Try to establish a more equitable partnership.
4. Call a friend when you want to call him. Though you may feel the urge to reach out constantly, you can put a plan in place to avoid this. During the time that he needs space, you don’t want to become needy or else you will push him farther away from you. When you feel that you want to call him, call a friend instead. Your need to be social might be more important than your need to talk to him specifically.
   • Create a list of friends that you can call so that if one doesn’t answer, you have a few backups.
5. Delete his number. If you feel that reaching out to friends is not enough, then delete his number. This will prevent you from calling or texting him, especially if you don’t know his number by heart. When he reaches back out to you, you can save his number in your phone again.
6. Take a social media break. Seeing your guy on social media might intensify your urge to talk to him, but stay strong. Deactivate your pages for a few days or unfollow him or his posts. You don’t need to go as far as to unfriend him during this time, but you can prevent yourself from seeing the things he posts.
   • Consider unfollowing his friends, as well.
7. Practice positive self-talk. In addition to switching up how you communicate with him, you should also alter how you communicate with yourself. Perhaps you have been down in the dumps since he asked for space and you aren’t feeling so positive lately. When you begin to feel down, repeat positive, affirming, or productive statements to yourself to override your negativity.
   • You might repeat things to yourself like “I am strong,” “It will be okay,” or “I will not reach out to him today.”

Fostering Your Own Interests

1. Spend time with friends and family. One of the easiest ways to give your guy some space is to create some healthy space for yourself. Don’t spend all of your time obsessing over the relationship and over what you did or didn’t do. Spend time with those who love you, value you, and don’t need a break from you. Visit your mom more often and hang out with your friends. Don’t say ‘no’ if your friends try to make plans with you.
2. Schedule your time. You likely were filling a considerable amount of time each week hanging out with your guy, and now that that may not be occurring as regularly, you might feel lonely. Combat this by creating a schedule for yourself to minimize your downtime. The less time you have that is unoccupied, the less time you will have to ruminate, obsess, or reach out before your guy has gotten enough space.
3. Focus on work. Your guy needing space is a great time for you to devote yourself to work. Continue to arrive to work on time each day, complete all of your responsibilities on time, and even consider taking on some additional projects or assignments. See if you can be of service to anyone who needs help.
4. Take care of yourself. During this time, don’t allow yourself to forget self-care. Continue to eat well, exercise, and care for your hygienic needs. Consider pampering yourself to a spa day, or if money is tight, pamper yourself at home.
   • Consider taking care of your environment, too. Clean up and organize your space to declutter your surroundings.
5. Enjoy your hobbies and explore new interests. Perhaps when you were speaking with your guy regularly, you didn’t have much time to explore your own interests that you had prior to the relationship. Take some time to reconnect with those now. Read more, join a book club, catch up on your television shows, go out dancing, or learn to cook a few new dishes. Spend time remembering that life away from your partner can be fun and fulfilling, as well.

Reconnecting and Clarifying Your Relationship

1. Don’t be available immediately. More often than not, your guy will want to reconnect or connect more often after a few days of space. He might even behave like there was no space at all. Though you might be eager to reconnect, exert a bit of caution. You do not want to teach your guy that he can ask for space from you whenever he wants and return like nothing happened.
   • You should not ignore his attempts at communication, but maybe give it a few days before you see him again in person.
   • If a guy asks for space very often, realize that perhaps this relationship is not right for either of you.
2. Spend some time reconnecting. If you still want the relationship, you will need to reconnect on a more consistent basis.. If he is a good guy in general, don’t punish him for needing some time to himself. Accept his offers to go out or come over if you want to and enjoy each other’s company. Being aloof, cold or mean will likely make him want even more space, so be kind to him.
3. Negotiate a way to meet both your needs. After you have spent some time chatting and hanging out, you should have a substantive conversation on your needs for space in the future. See if he had any moments of clarity or reflection during this time that he would like to share. Tell him any thoughts that you had, as well. Clarify to him that you respect his need for space, but that you can’t commit to giving him long breaks from you very often.
   • Find a solution that works for the two of you. For instance, perhaps he wants to talk to you every day, but not all day long because it affects his productivity at work or school. Offer to connect a few times during the day and then have one phone call per night to talk for longer.
4. Let it go, if necessary. After giving him whatever amount of space he needed or whatever amount you were able to handle, you might find that the relationship is best left alone. Perhaps you felt happier when you two were not longer communicating as frequently and maybe he wants this space to be a bit more permanent. No matter the source, know that it is okay to let the relationship go and move forward with your life.

Sources and Citations

See also

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• Talk About Daily Stress with Your Partner
• Change Someone Else's Behavior
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• Understand What a Relationship Means
• Get Someone to Like You
• Impress Your Friends
• Have Sex Without Your Parents Knowing

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