Talk About Daily Stress with Your Partner
You and your partner might come home from work each day having had stressful experiences in the office. Maybe this stress has caused arguments between the two of you because you didn’t know how to handle the stress constructively. However, you can talk about daily stress with your partner if you work to prepare for the conversation, speak with them daily, and work to destress together.
Contents
Steps
Creating Productive Conversations
- Find the best time. You might be the kind of person who likes to talk as soon as you get home, but you should recognize that not all people are like that. Consider your partner’s communication style and how chatty or not chatty they are after work. Identify a time to talk that will work best for the two of you.
- For instance, perhaps during dinner or an hour after you both get home will work best.
- Limit distractions. Before you begin talking, ensure that you are able to be fully present. Avoid watching television or using your phone during this time. Don’t have these daily talks around the time that you will have to give the kids a bath or when your partner is responding to emails.
- Avoid discussing your marriage. Remember to keep on topic for the duration of your talk. Use this time to talk about the stress you are having apart from your marriage. Talk about work, the kids, or your friends. Work to actively not make this time about the issues that you two are having and recognize that your partner has a life and identity separate from you.
Having Daily Conversations
- Approach your partner. Once you are ready to begin having these conversations, approach your partner. You might want to approach it casually by saying something like “Hey honey, wanna talk about how work was today?” This simple question can open the floor for a larger conversation about stress.
- Open up about how you feel. Talk to your partner about your own stressors of the day. Be honest and open with your partner about how you feel. Talk about any stress or frustrations that have cropped up in your day.
- Say “My day at work was rough. My boss changed my deadline on a project from next week to this Wednesday so now I have a lot of work to do tomorrow.”
- Discuss your stress temperature. Another good way to open up the conversation about your mutual stress is to rate yourselves from 1 to 10 based on how stressed you are. A score of 10 can constitute as the most stressed, and a 1 can be the least stressed.
- Say something like “Yeah babe, I’m at a 5 today. It wasn’t so bad. What’s your score?”
- Listen. Actively listen to them about their stress. Avoid interrupting or interjecting. Comfort them in their stress and avoid trying to solve their problems until they ask for advice.
- Try repeating back to them what they said to indicate that you are listening. Try something like “So it sounds like your boss is targeting you for that one time that you were late.”
- Find an appropriate limit. Try to set a limit on how long you are discussing stress. Consider taking one hour to do so. Know also that it is good to talk about your frustration, but don’t only talk about stress. Find some time to also talk about successes and any fun that you have had during the day.
- For instance, perhaps your partner has recently received a promotion at work. Take some time to celebrate together.
- Keep updated on each other’s lives. Continue to keep updated on each other outside of just discussing stressors. Talk to your partner about their hopes for the future, any goals they might have, vacations the two of you would like to take together, or just any items of interest in general like a new book they are reading.
- For instance, you might begin the conversation by saying “Do you think you’ll want to stay at this job for a few more years?”
Managing Mutual Stress
- Create a list of things to do to destress. Work together to create a list of things that you can do together to work through your frustrations. Perhaps you and your partner enjoy cooking, reading, or watching a particular show. Make some time to do those things together.
- Consider exercising together as well.
- Ask what you can do. See if your partner needs any help at all from you with anything. Maybe the kids have been acting up at home while you are away or need more help with their homework. Step in more and help take some stress off of your partner if you can. See if they can also help take some stress from you.
- Do nice things for them. Continue to show affection to your partner and do kind things for them. Pick up their drycleaning or do the dishes after dinner. Bring home food so they don’t have to cook. Make sure that you are keeping up with your own responsibilities around the house so your partner doesn’t have to pick up the slack
- Ask your partner for help. Though it is important to help your partner, it is also important that you receive help, too. If you need a little help around the house, are looking for advice, or need help with a project, ask your partner. Allow yourselves to become closer through mutual kindness and thoughtfulness.
- For instance, you might say “Can you pick up the kids from school this week? I need a bit more time at the office to work on my presentation.”
- Visit the doctor. If your stress becomes beyond what you can control, consider visiting a doctor. Perhaps your stress as work is so intense that it is raising your blood pressure. In addition to medical treatment, try to employ other tactics like deep breathing or taking some vacation time to destress.
