Change the Oil in Your Car from the Top of the Engine

Some cars, including most VW group cars and Mercedes have top mounted oil filters, which eliminates the need to crawl beneath the engine.

This only works if the car does not have baffles between the bottom of the dipstick and the bottom of the oil pan.

Steps

Obtain an oil drain pump. These are available at some consumer auto parts stores, and at boater (marine) supply stores. Well-known brands are Pella and Topsider.
Obtain oil, filter, tools for removing oil filter.
If this is the first time and you hadn't verified that a topside oil change works for your car, obtain a drain pan. A disposable roasting or flat gallon (4 liter) coolant container will do.
Remove the oil filter. There's information on this in Change the Oil in Your Car.
It's best to remove the filter first unless you're familiar with the car. The reason -- it's possible to be able to drain the oil but not be able to remove the filter. On the other hand, if you can remove the filter, it's unlikely you'll have a problem with draining the oil.
Insert the topside pump's tube into the dipstick, gently feeding until it hits the bottom of the oil pan. Do not force beyond that point; otherwise the tube will turn upward. Use the drain pump per the instructions.
If you are unsure of the suitability of the topside pump for your engine, open the oil drain to see if any remaining oil can be drained the conventional way.
Replace filter, replenish oil.

Some cars have baffles between the bottom of the dipstick tube and the bottom of the oil pan. This is checked by opening the drain plug after using the topside pump.
Many municipal drop-off locations have limited posted hours but are unofficially open 24/7 for individuals who want to drop off oil without taking a day off from work.
Topside oil changes mean you don't automatically inspect under your car. Make it a habit to look under there during each oil change.
Oil disposal varies depending on location, including curb-side pickup, central receiving locations, and automotive stores and service stations. (Waste oil is a toxic waste material, but is economically recycled.)
Unlike conventional drainage, topside oil changes are best done with the oil warm but not hot. The hot oil makes the tube too soft, allowing it to collapse and making it difficult to determine you hit the bottom of the oil pan. Cold oil can be drained but can take considerable time.
The first few times, it helps to have a knowledgeable friend watch.

Never, ever work under a car that is up on a jack. Jack the car up, then put it on a jack stand.
Do NOT over tighten the new filter. Tighten it by hand only, DO NOT use a filter wrench -- except by following instructions on the oil filter package.
Be aware of the heat of some parts of the car that you'll be working around. No-one likes to get burned.
Be sure you have the drain plug in and filter attached before adding oil and starting the car.

topside pump (Pella, Topsider, other brands)
oil filter wrench
oil, oil filter
plastic bag or other receptacle for oil filter
roll of paper towels
"If you have not confirmed that topside changes work for your car" - oil drain pan and wrench for drain plug.
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