Compliment a Guy

Almost everyone loves receiving an intelligent, personal compliment — even guys! Compliments are great ways to show your appreciation for a friend, score some extra points with that "special someone", or lift up someone who's feeling down. However, half-hearted compliments usually don't send the message well. Just be sure you give the right compliment in the right way, so you don't send the wrong message.

Steps

Compliment Help

Doc:List of Compliments,Compliment Flirt,Compliment Reactions

Delivering Your Compliment

  1. Be sincere. Compliments don't have any worth other than what we give them — they're not things to be exchanged for favors, used to flatter people we need to like us, or given out for no reason. Compliments are only meaningful when the person giving the compliment truly believes in them. Giving a fake compliment is a white lie at best and, at worst, can be seriously harmful, so don't do it.
    • For example, let's say that a guy friend has just gotten off stage after bombing at the talent show. If might at first seem like a good idea to lift his spirits with a fake compliment like, "Wow! That was amazing! Great job!" However, since he probably knows that he didn't do well, this may make him feel even worse. In this case, it's probably best to go with a sincere option like "Hey, don't worry. You'll nail it next time."
    • Study of the brain shows that we use the patterns and stresses of speech to distinguish white lies from truth more so than non-spoken cues. If you're not being sincere, the guy will hear it in your voice.[1]
  2. Use appropriate timing. Most of the time, gracious compliments will be greatly appreciated. However, it's not always appropriate to give compliments — doing so at inopportune times can be slightly embarrassing at best (and a major faux pas at worst). Below are just a few examples of times when you won't want to give a guy a compliment, or at least will want to keep your compliment short and polite:
    • At solemn occasions (funerals, memorials, etc.)
    • After he's just been embarrassed
    • When his jealous significant other is around
    • When he's concentrating on something difficult
    • It's worth being aware that some guys can get embarrassed if they receive a compliment (especially a romantic one) when they're in front of their friends. In this case, since the guy is worried about saving face in front of his buddies, your compliment may have the opposite effect as you intended.
  3. Smile at him. Nothing spells sincerity like a smile! For some guys (especially those who are attracted to you), the simple pleasure of seeing your smile can be a compliment in itself! Even if you have no romantic intentions and you're just happy for your guy friend, a natural, warm smile will make your compliment much more meaningful than one given with a deadpan or gloomy expression. Smiles are simple means to validate someone; When you smile at someone you help to let them know things are okay.[2]
  4. Keep your compliments quick and concise. When it comes to giving compliments, short is always sweet! Don't ramble on about how nice the guy you're complimenting is, how great his hair is, and so on. Focus on one action or aspect of the guy that you find nice, make your compliment, then carry on as normal. Remember: the more compliments you give, the less memorable each compliment will be.
    • Long strings of compliments can sometimes give the impression that you have an obsession or crush on the person you're complimenting. Even if this is true, try to avoid it! For example, consider which of the following is likely to win your crush's affection: "Hey, Dave, you look great! Have you been working out?" or "Hey, Dave, you look great! Have you been working out? I noticed that your biceps looked a little bigger. They go really well with your smile. You have fantastic teeth, by the way. They're almost as white as the paint on your car, which, in my opinion, was a really smart color choice..."
    • American compliments tend to be considerably shorter than other cultures.[3] Length of a proper compliment varies by culture.[4]
  5. Treat him like you’d treat any other human being. When in doubt, abide by the golden rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."[5] In other words, compliment him the way you would want him to compliment you. Remember, no matter how dreamy or intimidating this guy may seem, he's just an ordinary human being like you. There are things he worries about every day, things he's not good at, and ways that he's not perfect, just like you! So don't be afraid to approach him and give him a compliment when it's appropriate — there's a decent chance he might even be more bashful about it than you.

Focusing Compliments on His Personality

  1. Compliment his tastes. Everyone — including guys — likes to hear that they've got good taste. Telling someone that the things they like are cool, fashionable, or intelligent is a subtle way of saying that they have these qualities. For this reason, it's almost always better to compliment the guy's choice rather than directly saying "You have good taste." Research shows that men are most likely to compliment a person's possessions.[6] This indicates men may be most receptive to compliments that pertain to their possessions. Below are just a few topics you may want to use for compliments, along with examples:
    • Movies: "You have great taste in films. From now on, we're having movie night at your house!"
    • Music: "Hey, awesome shirt, man! That band rules."
    • Art: "That poster on your wall? Classic! Where do you find this stuff?"
    • Literature: "Hey, you have this book!? That's one of my favorites! Much respect."
    • Philosophy: "Wow, I never thought about things that way. You have some really great ideas."
  2. Compliment his skills. Guys love getting compliments about their skills, especially if the compliment is about something they've taught themselves or something they know how to do that few other people do. For a guy, the praise he gets for a skill he's learned is an added reward for putting in the time and effort necessary to master it.
    • Research suggests that when both men and women give compliments to men, they favor compliments of skill.[7]
    • For example, if your guy friend is working hard to teach himself guitar but struggling, you might want to make him feel good by complimenting him after one of his impromptu performances: "Wow! I've never heard "Wonderwall" played like that before. I like how rough and heartfelt you made it sound."
  3. Compliment his courage. Guys get scared just as easily as anyone else, but they're often reluctant to show it for fear of looking weak. This is no reason to avoid giving them a compliment for their bravery when they have to do something difficult — if they were afraid, they'll appreciate you having their back, and if they weren't afraid, they'll still appreciate that you thought what they did showed strong character.
    • Courage is a quality that is considered becoming of men. Studies show that complimenting these culturally scripted gender performances are essential to male friendship.[8][9][10]
    • For instance, if a guy recently had to deliver an important speech and you know that he usually has a difficult time with public speaking, you may want to offer a compliment like, "Congratulations on your big speech! I heard your Remember the Titans analogy really killed."
  4. Compliment his decision-making. By telling him you think he makes good choices, you're saying that you respect him.[11] Everyone likes hearing that they made a smart decision; no one likes hearing that they made a dumb one. Complimenting a guy on a decision they recently made is a roundabout way of complimenting his instincts and intelligence. It can also help calm the nerves of someone who's still a little unsure that the path he chose was the right one.
    • For example, if a guy recently decided to accept a scholarship to pursue his passion of studying Polynesian art history, you might compliment him (and simultaneously reassure him) by focusing on the intelligence of his choice: "Wow. You're really taking the opportunity to chase your dream. Don't worry — I know it'll pan out for you."
    • Research on students shows that confidence impacts decisions of gendered persistence in academics.[12]
  5. Compliment his sense of humor. Complimenting a guy's sense of humor is an excellent way to boost his ego — best of all, it works whether you're seriously "into" him or you just view him as a friend. On its own, laughing at a guy's jokes is a harmless gesture of appreciation with no romantic implications. On the other hand, laughing while subtly making physical contact or moving close to him can signal your interest, making this a very versatile form of compliment.
    • Usually, the best way to compliment a guy's sense of humor is simply to laugh (with honest, genuine laughter) at what he says! If you'd like to, you can add your own small verbal compliments in between laughs, but this isn't necessary. You might try focusing on the way the humor makes you feel, like this: "Ha! Man, I really needed that laugh. Your Dane Cook impression always gets me."
    • Research suggests that complimenting a man's sense of humor does not generally cause a female partner to perceive the compliment as a relationship threat.[13]
  6. Compliment his intelligence. Giving someone a compliment on his smarts is a great way to show that you appreciate him for more than just his surface qualities. As an added bonus, complimenting a guy for being smart can also be a small boost for yourself, depending on how you phrase your compliment — after all, it takes a smart person to recognize intelligence in another.
    • For example, if your guy friend is helping you with homework, you could simply say, "Wow, you're so smart," but there are more imaginative ways to say this that won't make you look like you're throwing up your hands and submitting to his superior intelligence. A better choice might be something like, "Wow, you really understand this material. I guess geometry isn't for squares after all!"
    • In some places, intelligence is more highly valued in men than physical attractiveness. It can be an indicator of social status and earning potential.[14]

Basing Compliments on Appearance

  1. Compliment some part of his body. Popular culture may not paint guys as being as appearance-conscious as women, but, in reality, some guys can be just as image-conscious (if not even more so). If you're looking to flat-out compliment a guy's looks, try telling him he has a nice smile, eyes, hair, or face. If you want to be more "forward", you can also compliment him on physical features like his arms, abs, and so on, but this is usually seen as an open acknowledgment of your attraction to him, so be careful about using this on platonic friends!
    • Research shows that women are much more likely to compliment men and other women on their appearance versus other attributes.[7][6]
    • The way you compliment a guy's appearance can also substantially change the meaning of the compliment. For example, if you're complimenting a platonic guy friend, it's probably best to keep things light with comments like, "You have crazy eyes! There's a million different colors in there!" On the other hand, comments like, "Your eyes are like twin oceans... I feel like I could get lost in them" are probably best left for romance novels or people you're already very close to.
    • Be aware that it may make their partner feel insecure. Studies show that women are much more likely to feel threatened when someone compliments their male partner's physical appearance.[15]
  2. Compliment his fashion. Sharply dressed men are practically begging for attention, so don't be afraid to give it to them. Complimenting someone's dress sense can be especially smart if you know the guy receiving the compliment is self-conscious about the way he looks. While it's fine to simply compliment someone's entire outfit, it's also acceptable to pick one specific part or aspect of the guy's style and focus on that instead.
    • Take note that men may not appreciate compliments on their fashion. Because it may violate gender norms for a man to care about being fashionable, he may take it the wrong way. By not accepting this kind of compliment, he could be trying to save face.[16]
    • Compliments that reinforce gender stereotypes can cause bad relationships. Research shows that these comments can be depersonalizing.[17]
    • For example, if your guy friend just got a new haircut but is still a little embarrassed to show it off, you might say something like, "Whoa, check out your new look! Frosted tips will never go out of fashion." At the same time, this could embarrass him.
  3. Compliment his health. If a guy is really fit, he might want you to notice. If he has been working really hard to improve his health or maintain it, it can be nice to get some feedback. It is nice to hear that other people can tell you're trying to be healthy. Give him some support by giving him a compliment on it. You can even choose to focus on a particular aspect of his health, as opposed to his overall health.
    • Complimenting a man's level of health can be a good way to avoid making them seem less manly. Health is something most people have to work hard for. Compliments about their body can be redirected in this way to subtly say, “You worked hard.”
    • For example, if you notice that the guy is no longer winded after climbing up flights of stairs, say, “Hey, you got a lot better at that! I'm still wheezing!”

Avoiding Common Mistakes

  1. Take care not to objectify him. Giving tasteful compliments about a guy's appearance is one thing, but creeping a guy out with rude or suggestive comments about his body is another entirely. Though many guys may be reluctant to show it, their feelings may even by hurt by you objectifying them. Don't make a guy feel like a piece of meat — though this is advice you'll usually hear given to men regarding women, it's just as true the other way around.
    • Objectification happens when you take a person's appearance as representation of their whole being. This is especially when these attributes should be irrelevant to the situation.[18]
    • Though sparing a guy's feelings should be enough of a reason not to objectify him, there's another reason you shouldn't do it that's more immediate: you can get in trouble. In fact, if your creepy come-ons or unwanted compliments are severe enough, they can constitute harassment, which is a major offense at school or in the workplace and lead to serious repercussions.[19]
  2. Dodge inappropriate topics. There are a huge range of topics that are acceptable subjects for compliments, so don't make the mistake of choosing one that's off-limits. In general, you'll want to avoid complimenting guys on things that are very personal or which have strong emotions attached to them, unless you're very close to him.
    • This advice is especially true if other people are present — while it may sometimes be OK to bring up personal topics in one-on-one settings, you'll almost never want to do it in front of his friends.
    • Taboo compliments will vary from place to place. It can be considered offensive to compliment a man on his wife.[20]
  3. Watch out for hidden implications. Your compliments should be all about building the guy up, not about subtly tearing him down or making yourself feel better at his expense. Try not to give backhanded compliments — compliments that contain a thinly-veiled insult or a compliment to yourself. Not only are they rude, but also generally quite obvious, so they can easily end up making you look like a jerk in social situations.
    • Here's an example of a backhanded compliment: "Hey, did you get a new shirt? It makes you look thinner." It may seem like you're complimenting him, but you're also saying he normally looks fat.
    • Research suggests that people are more likely to take these expressions as backhanded when they perceive the person giving the compliment has some insight into what is normal.[21]
  4. Be original. Don’t use a canned line. Ridiculous pickup lines can be great fun if you're just playing around, but they're terrible if you're genuinely trying to compliment someone. Remember, the best compliments are sincere ones, so, unless this person has really "been running through your head all day", you're probably hurting your chances with these sorts of lines.
  5. Make sure you are certain about the details. Don’t compliment him on something you’re unsure about. If you're wrong about your assumption, you may offend him or hit a sensitive nerve, so it's usually best to play it safe and wait. Here are just a few examples of potentially "dangerous" situations where you should tread lightly:
    • His appearance has recently changed (e.g., he has recently lost a lot of weight in a short time)
    • You haven't seen him in a long time and aren't sure how his life has changed
    • You don't know his relationship status
    • You aren't sure how he feels about current events (e.g. in the field of politics, etc.)

Tips

  • Depending on how well you know him, gauge how personal your compliments should be. If you don't know him well, a simple "I like your shirt!" is acceptable. If you know him better or are perhaps romantically interested, say something like "You look nice!" or "You have a really nice smile."
  • Compliment him on something he's good at.
  • Simple and straight-forward compliments; don't overdo it or mislead him.
  • Use different word order or sentence structure. For example, instead of saying "You look good in that shirt", rephrase it and say "That shirt looks good on you"
  • You can't go wrong with his smell, or eyes, or something else not too intimate, but unique. It needs to be something he will not feel weirdly about, for example, lots of guys get complimented on things like smell, that is a good one.
  • Compliment him on something he is wearing. Nothing else, especially things that are too personal. That could get things weird between you. Try to start out with " Nice shoes" then talk
  • Make compliments that will bolster his feeling of masculinity. Compliment his height or shoulders.
  • A guy loves his feet being complimented, so if he has nice pair of shoes on, mention that you like them.

some more.

Warnings

  • Be honest, he can tell if you're lying.
  • Don't overdo it - it may get annoying and could make you look desperate.
  • Remember, use compliments sparingly lest you come off as insincere.
  • You don't really have to compliment a guy to be friends with him, but it can help someone you already know who has low self confidence feel better, which will lead him on, so make sure you want to be friends.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0006899314005204
  2. ↑ http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/ccp/49/3/395/
  3. ↑ https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=tH7533mMxmsC&oi=fnd&pg=PR1&dq=length+of+compliments&ots=k0nwkcUOGI&sig=lPvCgjGbHXR93IaDXFXF8lp2gAU#v=onepage&q=length%20of%20compliments&f=false
  4. ↑ http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01434632.1993.9994551
  5. ↑ http://www.religioustolerance.org/reciproc.htm
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 http://www.pertanika.upm.edu.my/Pertanika%20PAPERS/JSSH%20Vol.%2022%20(S)%20Feb.%202014/05%20Page%2075-96%20(JSSH%201038-2013).pdf
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 http://search.proquest.com/openview/54265f7fa21c91ae4b7ef3a45c9abece/1
  8. ↑ http://men.sagepub.com/content/17/3/226.abstract
  9. ↑ http://scholarcommons.usf.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1644&context=etd
  10. ↑ http://www.academia.edu/2562756/Performance_Masculinity_and_Conformation_How_Males_Learn_Manliness
  11. ↑ http://www.drlaura.com/b/Compliments-Men-Love-to-Hear/-587893825571924800.html
  12. ↑ http://asr.sagepub.com/content/76/5/641.short
  13. ↑ http://europepmc.org/abstract/med/25300051
  14. ↑ http://jcc.sagepub.com/content/27/4/476.short
  15. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25300051
  16. ↑ http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/12/why-men-cant-take-compliments/282164/
  17. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201305/9-types-compliments-and-why-they-work-or-not
  18. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/power-and-prejudice/201304/when-are-appearance-compliments-objectifying-insults
  19. ↑ http://eeoc.gov/laws/types/sexual_harassment.cfm
  20. ↑ http://www.ccsenet.org/journal/index.php/***/article/view/2492
  21. ↑ http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15534510802420795
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