Compliment Girls

Have you ever experienced awkward silence when you couldn't think of anything to say? Have you wanted to say something about a girl, but don't exactly know how? Here is how to compliment a girl without offending her or being too forward.

Steps

Compliment Help

Doc:List of Compliments,Compliment Flirt,Compliment Reactions

Finding Things to Compliment

  1. Evaluate what the girl values in herself. The first thing you’ll want to do is think about the girl and what you know she values in herself.[1] Girls are conditioned to shy away from compliments and she’ll be much more open to accepting a compliment she agrees with. Notice what she’s proud of, from your experiences with her and compliment her on those things.
    • For example, if she’s clearly very eager to share something she’s done with other people, that’s something you could compliment her on.
  2. Consider what she struggles with or works on. Like yourself or anyone else, she probably likes to have her hard work validated. If you know she’s worked very hard on something or that there’s something she feels inadequate or self-conscious about, you can try complimenting her on that. This can be tricky though, so be careful how you do it.
    • For example, if she complains that she hates her nose, tell her that you think it’s cute.
    • Another example would be if she clearly tries to work very hard in school, compliment her either on her work ethic, her determination, or her intelligence.
    • For this type of compliment, whatever you compliment her on has to be honest. Don’t say something you don’t mean just to find something to compliment her on.
  3. Think about the things that she values in you or other people. Look back on the conversations you've had with her and find things to compliment her on that you know she values but thinks that she doesn't possess. Maybe you noticed that she told you she likes how hard you fight for the things that you want, but she fights just as hard. Maybe you noticed that she said she wished she had a figure like some other girl, but you think her figure is better.
    • It is important to consider whether or not she actually possesses the quality you want to compliment her on. Telling her she’s good at something that she’s not will catch her notice and she’ll know you don’t mean it.
  4. Compliment her personality. The best thing to compliment a girl on is her personality. This is something that she has a certain amount of control over and it is something that is intrinsically her, rather than something like clothing which usually has very little to do with her and who she is. Think about the things that you like about who she is as a person and what she does, then compliment her on that.
  5. Compliment her accomplishments. You can also compliment her accomplishments. This is something she also has control over and that says something about who she is as a person. Think about the things that she worked hard for or things she did that you admired, like helping someone or doing the right thing in a tough situation, and compliment her on that.
    • Importantly, it is also something that can’t be taken away from her or that can change with time. This means that she won’t have to fear losing this quality, and can be happy when she thinks about this compliment for the rest of her life.
  6. Compliment her from your heart. You don’t have to over think compliments. You can just compliment her naturally, by saying exactly how you feel. Speak from your heart and the perfect compliment should come out. The trick to doing this, though, is that you have to respect and value her first. It’s not respecting her that could lead you to saying something offensive.

Complimenting Dos

  1. Be sincere. Any compliment you say, you have to absolutely mean. Girls will always be able to tell if you don’t mean it. They may not call you on it, but they’ll know and it will make them feel awful and awkward.
  2. Be respectful. This is the main key to being able to compliment girls without offending or upsetting them. If you respect them as people, as valuable human beings with worthwhile opinions, feelings, hopes and dreams, who are capable of doing everything that you can do, then any compliment that comes out of your mouth will probably be fine.
  3. Think about how the compliment would make you feel. If you’re still worried, think about how the compliment would make you feel. Don’t just look at the surface of the compliment...think about the things that she worries about and the experiences she’s had. Think about what the compliment could mean if taken out of context. Think about how you would feel if someone you didn't know said that to you. If it would make you feel uncomfortable, it’ll probably make her uncomfortable too.
  4. Compliment at appropriate times. You need to compliment her at appropriate times, like when you’re on a date, or you’re having a conversation related to what you want to compliment her on. This also means pairing what you want to compliment her on with the situation that you’re in. This is very important, as doing this in the wrong situation can be very demeaning.[2]
    • For example, don’t compliment her on her physical appearance after she’s just given a presentation (unless it’s to say that she looked fierce and was commanding the whole room). Instead compliment her on her hard work, her great way of phrasing the information, or her clear intelligence shown in how she put the presentation together. Complimenting her physical appearance in this situation would be demeaning, but complimenting her work is empowering.
  5. Show your compliment in your actions. You don’t always have to say a compliment for it to come across loud and clear. A very effective way to compliment her can be to show your compliment in how you react to something that she’s done or said.
    • For example, if she’s just worked very hard on something, you can compliment her hard work by treating her to a relaxing back massage.
    • Another example would be that if she does something really nice for someone, do something really nice for her, like making her dinner.
    • These actions can also be ways to introduce a spoken compliment, by telling her why you’re doing what you’re doing.
  6. Accept rejection respectfully. If she doesn't respond to your compliment in the way that you’d like, don’t be a jerk or think (or tell her!) that she’s stuck up or thinks too highly of herself. This only proves to her that you were complimenting her for your own sake rather than hers. Instead, tell her calmly that she doesn't have to believe you but that you meant it sincerely and you hope she takes it for what it is. Leave her alone after that.
    • This is most common when complimenting girls you don’t know. Girls you do know will probably modestly reject a compliment because they are frequently conditioned to do so, at which point you can simply emphasize that you really mean it or think it, or just straight-up tell her not to be so modest.

Complimenting Don’ts

  1. Avoid complimenting certain physical features. The thing is, if you build up a girl’s feeling of worth in a particular feature, in most cases that feature is going to go away over time and she’ll end up feeling worthless because it’s gone. So avoid complimenting butt, legs, etc. Eyes and hair, or clothes, are a safer bet.
    • Complimenting on physical features works even better if you tie the compliment to her personality or actions. For example, tell her that her eyes are beautiful and that you love how her determination shines through her eyes when she’s working so hard.
  2. Don’t sexually compliment girls you don’t know well. This is the biggest no-no when it comes to complimenting girls. You will obviously see girls you don’t know that you’re very attracted to, and you may think that paying them a compliment is just a nice thing to do, but if you don’t know the girl then a sexualized comment is just going to take your chances down into the negatives, while also making you seem creepy.
    • For example, telling her she fills out that shirt nicely.
    • Sexualized compliments generally only work with girls you are dating or have another very close relationship with.
  3. Don’t compliment her just to try to get something you want, she will realize and think you're lying to her. You should compliment her because you mean it and you want to let her know how special she is to you. You should compliment her because you want her to be happy. You should absolutely not compliment her because you want shallow physical contact.
  4. Avoid insulting compliments. There are some compliments which you might perceive as being flattering but are actually insults. Before you give yourself a serious case of foot in mouth, consider what you’re wanting to say and how it could be taken out of context.
    • If there’s anything in your compliment about her losing weight, stop. This can easily be taken the wrong way. Instead, compliment her by telling her how healthy she looks, tell her that she’s just glowing, etc.
    • Don’t compare her to your sister or mother in any way, unless there is a circumstance where this would be a very good thing. Generally if you’re wanted to have a romantic relationship with her, it’s not.
    • Any comments that end in “today” (ex. “You look so nice today”). She may believe that you're saying she doesn't look good on any other day. Ouch!
  5. Don’t use cookie-cutter compliments. Things like pick-up lines, lists of compliments you find online, and other cookie-cutter compliments won’t work...because they’re all about either another girl or any girl. She’ll notice if you’re complimenting something that could be said to anyone and know you’re just trying to get with her. Compliment her and you’re golden.

Tips

  • Don't be offended if she doesn't compliment you back.
  • Try to relate with girls before you compliment them. Build up a natural rapport.
  • Some girls react solely on their emotions. They may not see your gesture as genuinely nice and may think you're trying to pick them up. Don't blame yourself for this.
  • If by any chance you accidentally offended her or insulted her, make sure you sincerely apologize.
  • Some girls refuse to take compliments and will shrug it off. For example, if you compliment her hair and she replies with, "No, it's ugly," don't take it as an insult, tell her it's fine. However, you may want to reconsider chasing after her because she will likely always take compliments in this manner.
  • Don't comment on her downfalls, such as saying "You're so gullible". You may hurt her feelings or simply get on her nerves.
  • Never comment on her body parts. This could be a great downfall and could be considered shallow whether you meant it that way or not. She will not appreciate that you are only noticing her looks and not her personality.
  • If she shrugs off your comment, start a casual conversation on something you both share an interest in so you can avoid any awkwardness.

Warnings

  • Make sure that you aren't overdoing it. Complimenting her every minute will make the situation awkward. Over-complimenting her may also mean that she will think you are being sarcastic.
  • Do not interrupt a girl to make a compliment, especially if she's in the middle of a conversation. While it is nice to say something complimentary about others, it doesn't make up for the fact that interrupting is rude.
  • Avoid saying "Today" statements (like your hair looks pretty today). Many girls have low self esteem so they may hear it as "Wow, your hair doesn't look bad like it normally does."
  • Don't grab at whatever you're trying to compliment. If it's something small and easily removable, such as a ring or a purse, ask politely if you could look at it. If it's something like a necklace or new clothes, just look and don't touch.
  • While it's best to give a compliment when you first see something interesting about your friends or new acquaintances, it's okay to comment on it later. You don't have to give an excuse for not complimenting it earlier. If she asks, say that you just noticed it. You could also say you noticed it earlier and wanted to remark on it then, but the conversation didn't really allow for it. It's not a big deal either way.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://brocouncil.com/From-A-Girl-s-Perspective/from-a-girl-s-perspective-how-to-compliment-a-woman
  2. ↑ http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200403/the-art-the-compliment
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