Cope With Annoying and Nagging Parents

Growing up is really tough, so it's understandable that kids and teens can have a hard time dealing with their parents' nagging. Unfortunately, in most cases there is no getting around their grievances, so it's usually in your best interest to work with them, rather than against. Of course, that is easier said than done; even if you have a great relationship with your parents, it can be very difficult to get them to see things from your point of view. Whenever they're nagging you to do something, the best thing you can do is to stay calm, and consider what they're asking. With a little added composure, you can prevent future nagging from happening in the first place!

Steps

Dealing with Nagging

  1. Listen to what they have to say. As annoying as it may be, whatever it is that your parents are bothering you about isn't going to go away by simply ignoring it. Though you might be angry and irritable, it's important to hear what they are saying with a clear head. Don't respond until you know they've said everything they have to say. Listening won't just help you understand the problem; the respectful gesture will also bode well for your relationship with your parents.
    • Keep in mind how many times you've been nagged to do this one thing before. If it's something small and they've been bothering you about it for weeks, it's probably much easier to oblige them rather than hold off.
  2. Use the 'broken record technique'. [1] The broken record technique is a great way to show other people that repeating statements or nagging you won't get anywhere. Each time the same issue ("Can you go do the laundry?", "Have you done your homework yet?") is brought up, respond with the same short, placating answer. Responding to a repetitive request with an equally repetitive answer will give your parents a taste of how annoying the constant nagging will be.
    • For example: If you're asked to take out the garbage multiple times, you can reply simply: "I will take out the garbage soon." Keep it short and vague.
    • Another example: If your parents are harassing you to get a job, you can respond by saying "I can just as easily do that on my own time."
    • Keep the wording similar or the same each time; that way, it'll be that much more obvious that you're getting fed up of the repetition.
    • It's important not to do this in an aggressive, or passive-aggressive way. You're not trying to start a fight here; you're just trying to cope with the nagging for the time being.
  3. Set a concrete deadline. If your parents begin to nag you for something new, chances are they won't give you a strict deadline to follow. Next time they bring a new task up for you to do, give them a time you'll do it by, so long as they agree to stop nagging you about it. To make the agreement more interesting, suggest they do the task themselves, should they end up nagging you again. [2]
    • Placing a defined time limit on when you'll finish the task not only gives you extra liberty to tackle the chore as you see fit; it will also relieve the parent's pressure to keep asking you.
  4. Let them know you have a problem with their nagging. Rather, sitting down and bringing up a problem in controlled circumstances often has a mutually beneficial impact on a relationship. Being upfront and bringing up your grievances in a controlled, passive setting will put a spotlight on the way your parents have been acting towards you, and hopefully get them to realize that there are far better ways to communicate as a family.
    • For example, you can say: "I understand and appreciate what you're saying, but repeating it constantly isn't going to make life better for either of us."
    • While this might sound aggressive, you can certainly word it in such a way that it does not antagonize them.

Preventing Future Nagging

  1. Maintain open communication with your parents. [2] The most important thing you can do to make sure annoying situations like nagging don't occur is to simply stay in good touch with your parents. Most of the time, nagging happens because of a lack of initial communication. Making sure both sides are voicing their feelings equally will limit the amount of nagging in the future.
    • Especially if most of your relationship with your parents is defined by a lack of communication and tendency to argue, openly communicating can be a very difficult thing to accomplish. Be patient if it doesn't come naturally at first; say what you feel, ask what they're looking for, and let them know they have your ear if something ever bothers them. From there, the pieces will fall into place given time.
  2. Explain that nagging is unhealthy for both sides. While parents haven't likely considered how unhealthy constant pestering is for you, it's even less likely they've considered their own health. If nagging is a severe problem in your household, getting together as a team and looking for alternatives to nagging will almost certainly be a relief for both parties.
  3. Establish some boundaries with them. Once you're speaking candidly about how you're feeling, it may be helpful to get together and list down some clear boundaries. While writing down rules to limit nagging and other annoying behaviour might seem overly official, having the rules on paper will give either side something concrete to bring up if a rule is broken.
  4. Give your parents information pre-emptively. This is about as simple as it gets: if you tell them what they want to know before they ask, they won't have a reason to ask in the first place! If your parents are constantly annoying you looking for information, you can avoid the most stressful part of the formula by letting them know ahead of time.[2]
    • The strongest example of this would be if you're going out at night. While most parents will want the know where, and with whom you're going, writing the basic details down on a piece of paper and giving it to them will likely set their hearts at rest.
    • To some extent, this advice could also apply to your parents bothering you about chores. Instead of waiting for them to nag you, doing the scheduled task ahead of time will put you at an advantage; you won't be doing any more work than you'd usually be doing, but you'll have proven that you're responsible and proactive, and that nagging you serves no productive purpose.
  5. Remind them if they ever nag again. Even if you and your parents come up with some rule against nagging, it's likely they'll end up forgetting once in a while-- after all, your parents are human too! If they ever nag you again after a rule is in place, calmly let them know what they're doing isn't good for either of you.

Understanding Nagging

  1. Try to understand why your parents are nagging.[3] In order to understand the root of the nagging, you'll first need to hear what they're telling you directly, but the communication doesn't stop there. You'll need to consider all of the circumstances that might be weighing on your parent and your relationship with them. Have they been extra busy at work lately, and need a hand helping around the house more than usual? Is the thing they're nagging you about a regular thing, or is it the first time it's ever come up? Keeping things like this in mind will make your interactions a lot smoother, especially if you tend to fight and argue a lot together.
    • If they're asking you to do a new chore, it's possible they're busier than usual and need help, or maybe they want to entrust more responsibilities to you now that you're older.
    • If they're nagging you to tell them where you're going for the evening, it's very likely that they're concerned for your safety and want to know enough about the situation that they won't be left worrying while you're out.
  2. Listen to what they have to say, and empathize with them.[4] Try to see it from their point of view. Arguments in all kinds of relationships occur because both sides are too caught up with their own wants to stop to consider the other party. Listen to what they're saying to you. Consider why they might be asking something of you. Ask them questions if you're confused about any part of it. If you can understand where someone else is coming from, you'll have a much easier time complying to what they want.
    • Stay calm throughout your interactions with your parents. This is especially true if your parents are upset. If both parties are angry, each side's anger can play off the other, creating a much bigger mess. [4]
  3. Give your parents the illusion of power. [2] Your parents ultimately need to feel some sort of control over you as a way to feel secure about their own lives. Nagging may be seen as one or both parents trying to exercise their power. By simply letting them know that you respect them, you can give them that confidence, even if it doesn't necessarily tie over into the real world.
    • Reverse psychology works well in creating the illusion of power. Getting your parents to think they want you to do something you wanted to do yourself all along is a good way to ease their nagging while still getting your own way!
  4. Follow through if you commit to something. If you say you're going to take out the garbage or clean the laundry, make sure you do it. This can be easy to overlook, especially if a concrete deadline wasn't set. However, by not doing something after you said you would, you're weakening your own position, virtually proving to your parents that they haven't nagged you enough.
    • Giving a timeline helps both them and you; they'll know you haven't forgotten it (unless the time passes) and you'll feel that much more motivated to finish it in time.
  5. Remember your parents are people too. They're human. They make just as many mistakes as you do, and from time to time, they'll do and say things they'll wish they could take back later on. Making sure to remember that not everything a parents says is absolute is an important step towards forgiving them if they were out of line in dealing with you.
    • If your parents are approaching you in a particularly aggressive or annoying way, it's best to placate them instead of directly confronting them about their behaviour at the time. Rather, it's better to wait until they've calmed down to bring up the issue. If your parent has had some time to think about it already, it's quite possible they'll already feel remorse for their actions and apologize to you outright.
    • It's important to keep in mind that parents don't like having these arguments any more than you do. Solving these disagreements and preventing them in the future serves to benefit them as much as it does you.

Tips

  • A lot of the time a parent denies you their permission, it's because they feel they have enough on their plate without having to worry about something else. By openly communicating with your parents, you'll alleviate a lot of the strain on their end; this will probably have the effect of your parents being far more open to your own requests! [2]
  • In the majority of family situations, your parents are ultimately on your side. Despite your disagreements, try to remember that! Whether or not you're fighting at the time doesn't change whether or not they love you.
  • Ask them what they'd suggest to make the situation they are nagging about better?

Warnings

  • Make sure never to raise your voice. Letting your temper get the best of you might feel good at the time, but it'll likely make the issue more severe than it already is.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/Assertiveness.htm
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 http://www.drpaulschenk.com/articles/nagging.htm
  3. ↑ http://counselingrelationshipsonline.com/Nagging-Does-Not-Work.html
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 http://mom.me/parenting/5262-effects-pushing-your-kids-too-far/
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