Deal With a Terrible Dad

The world we live in is not a show we watch on TV. Some dads are really difficult to handle, Deal With an Abusive Father or horrible to be with. If you are unlucky and you got stuck with a terrible dad, these steps can help you understand and deal with it better.

Steps

  1. Accept the fact that we don't choose our parents. If your dad is abusive or not there for you in the way you need him to be-it can be very painful and it is not your fault. If anyone else had been in your place, he would have behaved the same. His behavior is not a reflection of who you are - it has nothing to do with you. Understanding this fact is very important.
  2. Release any guilt you feel by acknowledging that your dad is not a good parent role model for you. There are many ways your father can be harmful to you. Is he physically abusive to you or your mother? Does he call you or other family members names, belittle and curse at them? Is he gone all the time and distant when he is home? Does he not have any time for you? Is he a alcoholic or an addict? Is he too strict or and just plain mean?
  3. Understand it is not your problem other than you are forced to live and deal with him. If your dad is an unhappy or weak person that does not make you the "cause" of it. You did not drive him to this behavior. He has created his own life and his own relationships with people. He might have been happy at one time but he is not now. This fact you can not change for him, no matter how much you might want to.
  4. Avoid big, dramatic blow ups with him. It will get you nowhere if anything only make things worse. Your life just has to go on without him. You don't need to prove yourself or try to win approval from him. It will make you feel horrible and empty inside. Focus on the good relationships you do have with other people. Surround yourself with people who care about you and your feelings. Don't have anyone? Reach out and become friends with kind people. The world is filled with nice people who want good friends and care about others.
  5. Work hard at pleasing yourself in life. If you want money then work hard at your grades and stay in school. If you are already working than begin to save your money to become more independent.
  6. Look around you for good men who could become a father figure to you. Even a woman who you trust could take over this important role in your life. Older men in their seventies and eighties can be lonesome and looking for someone to talk with. They might enjoy telling you stories of their lives or give you good advice.
  7. Stay strong. Embrace your values and morals. Strive to be a good man or woman despite being dealt with an unhappy father.
  8. Tell him. Tell your dad what's making you feel uncomfortable because of him. There will be a fair chance that he might change and try to make you feel happier. If your dad is not that kind of person, act a way that makes him feel that something isn't right about his own kid and he might think about changing a bad attitude or habit.

Tips

  • If you have a father who seems like he just does not care. There is not much you can do. Showing indifference to your own child is sad. Pity that he is unable to have a loving relationship with you. Take some of your love for him and shower it on someone who deserves it–yourself. Make your own life goals and dreams come true. You can carve a good life and start a new family with plenty of love and attention for everyone.
  • At school events or at home if he picks on you or criticizes everything you do-just back off and retreat. Try to talk to someone about how frustrated, hurt and angry you feel at him. Get it off your chest-don't keep it inside.
  • Know that if your father is impossible to live with, someday you will grow up and be an adult. Take steps to see the big picture. You can apply for trade school or college in another state or join the military to continue your education. Just don't give up on yourself.
  • Don't deny how your dad makes you feel regardless of how much you know he loves you. Everyone starts off with good intentions. If you're feeling trapped and controlled, don't let other factors (like his love for you) make you feel guilty about admitting that he's not doing the right thing by you. It's okay to believe it. In the end you will have your own life whether he likes it or not. The same with your own friends and your own rules. Don't let the anxiety he imposes on you stop you from living.
  • Stay in school and play sports if you are a teen. Hard exercise is a great way to release the stress and pressure of your home life. If you are tempted to hit someone or bully them-you might be trying to get some stress and anger off. Don't do it-it will make you feel small inside. Also hitting the books at the library is a great excuse to not be home around him; same with team sports.
  • It is against the law to have sex with, or abuse kids in a physical manner (shoving down, twisting your arm, leaving bruises, lash marks, etc.). Remember that it is not normal, not all homes are like yours and you can get help.
  • If your Dad is a drinker or does drugs, watch yourself. His mood can change in an instant. Stay at a friends or with other relatives. If it is really bad or dangerous- tell someone.
  • Avoid dealing with him as much as you possibly can. Stay busy and focused. Get a after school job or just don't pick up the phone if he does call.
  • Chances are very good that your Dad suffered in his own childhood. Does he complain bitterly about his own parents? Or does he never want to talk about his childhood? Both are signs that he had troubles as a kid and was hurt or abused while growing up. Some men also become damaged from war, drinking, or drugs. They develop deep walls to numb their own inner pain. These are wounds that can not be healed by you. If he is lashing out at family members or you in a dangerous or unpredictable way-call the police. If you fear he could seriously hurt a family member or yourself-than call the police or arrange for a family member to pick you up. Hide from him if you have to, but it is better to tell an adult. Don't get in the family car with him if he has been drinking or is stoned.
  • If your dad breaks your stuff and chucks dear things away, don't do the same. Just keep your dad away from your room and if anything else happens, buy a room locker on both sides
  • Call a domestic violence hotline.
  • Don't believe that because you had a horrible dad that you will be a bad parent in the future. You alone are responsible for your behavior. Treat everyone like you want to be treated.
  • If the situation becomes volatile, call the Emergency Services.
  • If your mother is married to an abusive man, try to help her get out of the relationship to a point. However if you are a teen then you might need to work on saving yourself first. Some women think they deserve to be hit or called names. Your mother might be a good woman, just weak and scared. Tell her how you feel and if she does not listen, then concentrate on yourself.
  • Do become a role model of good and kind behavior especially to your younger sisters and brothers. Tell other family members how much you love them and will always be there for them.
  • Discuss problems with siblings and look out for one another. They are going through the same struggles as you are and are usually safe to talk to if you need to get things off your chest.

Warnings

  • Don't bend over backwards trying to please or make your miserable Dad happy. You will fail. Because a person creates their own happiness. Just don't let his behavior drag you down.
  • Never fall for "You are a bad kid" routine or label. It happens in many families. If your Dad or both your parents tell you or other people that you are "trouble" or "a bad kid who gives us problems". Remember you are just a kid! That is not who you are- it is a just a false statement. Why do people label kids? To prevent themselves and others from judging them! They do not want to look inside themselves and work on their own problems so it is easier to pick on you. Do not believe it for one minute. Adults can manipulate kids very easily. Only you can decide your own character.
  • Don't have false expectations of him. If he always lets you down- tell him and tell your Mom. Be clear that you don't want to be hurt by his behavior. If he does not change quickly- distance yourself and reward other people with your time and love. Just because he is your father- you don't have to take his lack of respect or poor treatment. You deserve so much better.
  • Just because your dad acted the way he did doesn't mean you have to "copy" him.
  • Don't let anyone touch you if you don't want to be touched. If your dad is hitting you or touching you sexually, than you must tell someone outside the family. Tell a neighbor, friend or teacher. That is not acceptable behavior. You are not his punching bag or his sex toy. Respect yourself and protect other family members.
  • Some Dads are just really damaged people or mentally ill. Again, not much you can do. Protect yourself!
  • If at anytime your Dad tells you to break the law, don't do it. He might get very angry, hit you, and call you every name in the book, but stand your ground. If he threatens that he will put you in a "jail for kids" or send you to foster care - call his bluff. Tell him you will call "Childcare services". That is a service that will rescue you if you are in deep trouble. Their job is to protect kids. Or tell another older relative like a grandparent or an auntie.
  • Don't drink or take drugs to block him out- you will only hurt yourself and become weaker.
  • If your dad threatens to harm you in any way, call the Emergency Services immediately.

Related Articles

Retrieved from "https://kipkis.com/index.php?title=Deal_With_a_Terrible_Dad&oldid=316510"