Date in Middle School
Young romance. If you want to learn to negotiate the tricky dating world that is your local middle school, you can learn a few tricks and tips to make it go as smoothly as possible. You can learn how to ask someone out the right way, and how to spend time together when you're without car or income.
Contents
Steps
Asking Someone Out
- Only date if you want to. In middle school, you're usually feeling a rush of all kinds of emotions. Your hormones are going wild, and you're likely noticing members of the opposite, or the same sex, for the first time. But dating in middle school should not be your priority. Focus on things like friendships, school, and developing your own unique personality more than you focus on finding someone to date.
- If you want to date, talk to your parents about it and seek their guidance. Make sure you're allowed to date before you move forward.
- If you don't want to date, that's perfectly fine. Most middle school relationships exist largely online and in the imagination, anyway, which means you should take what other people are saying with a big grain of salt. Don't date if you don't want to.
- Find someone that you like. Who are you crushing on lately? Who seems like they would be nice to be around, more than a regular type of friend? Who are you attracted to? Try to find someone you think would make for a fun date, someone you can imagine hanging out with, maybe a lot. Someone you wouldn't mind kissing.
- Make sure they don't have a date already, and aren't going with anyone. It can be awkward to ask someone who is already going out with someone.
- Make sure that you already talk to this person during the week, so asking them out won't be as awkward, and the relationship will work out better, since you already know a decent amount about the person.
- Wait for a good excuse to ask. While it's always fine to ask something as simple as, "Will you go out with me?" it's sometimes even better to have a specific reason in mind, so you can have an excuse to talk.
- Is a dance coming up? Asking someone to a dance is one of the most common ways of asking someone out on a date. If it goes well, you can sometimes stay a couple afterward. If not, you'll have fun anyway.
- What about a homecoming game? Or another sports game? Ask if you can go together?
- Maybe a new movie is coming out soon that everyone's talking about. Ask someone to go with you to the movie.
- Make sure you're looking good. If you're going to put yourself out there, you want to make sure you're looking your best. Make sure your clothes are clean and nice, so you can look good and feel confident enough to ask someone out.
- Shower that morning and do your hair, paying attention to it a little more than normal. You don't have to look like a movie star, so you don't want to overdo it, but take some time to look your best.
- Wait until you have a private moment. Try to find a minute that you two can be together to ask. Sometimes, passing period can be a good chance for this, or right after school. If you can't seem to find a time when the person is alone, just ask, "Hey, can I talk to you for a second?"
- Try to do it in person, if you can, instead of over the phone. For a lot of people, asking someone out via text or chatting will be a bad idea, while it can work for others. If you chat regularly with someone, it might be fine.
- There's always a chance that you get shot down. If this happens in front of a bunch of people, it'll be worse than if it happens in private.
- Introduce yourself, if necessary. If you've been attracted to someone who doesn't know who you are, they'll likely say "no" if you just walk up and ask them to go out. The best first idea is probably to introduce yourself briefly, and let them know what your connection is.
- Hey, I'm ____. We're in the same history class. I was wondering..."
- Just ask. When you've got an opportunity, just cut to the chase and ask. You don't need to give it a lot of thought or Try to be clever. Just be kind, complimentary, and clear. No lines.
- Say something like: "I've noticed you for a long time, and you just seem like a really sweet, cool person. I like you a lot. Would you like to go to the dance with me?"
- Don't wait to be asked, or assume that someone will ask you out, whether you're a boy or a girl. It's perfectly fine for girls to ask boys in middle school, or at any age.
- Make sure its ok with all of your parents. Since you're underage, it's still important to get your parents' permission about things like dating, as well as the parents of the person you're asking out. Just ask, and then follow their wishes.
- This is especially important if you're going to ask someone to go out in public with you. It needs to be ok with all of your parents, especially if you're going to be getting a ride.
- You can always spend time at school together with someone, regardless of how your parents feel about it. It's better to have permission, of course, but Romeo and Juliet were middle-school aged, after all.
Spending Time Together
- Have phone or Skype dates. Talking with your date can be just as much fun and just as important to a young romance as actually going anywhere. Set up dates on Skype or some other chatting service, or talk on the phone.
- Arrange something you can do together, even if you're not together. If you both have a show you like, watch it at the same time and talk about it on the phone. Or just leave the Skype window open while you do homework together.
- Text each other. Make sure you're allowed to text with your date, then trade numbers and start texting. You can be conversing and laughing together, even if you're not actually together.
- Try to be a good conversationalist and give you date something to respond to. Don't just write, "hey." Ask a question, make an observation, have something real to talk about. Don't write one-word responses with a date. If you can't talk right now, say so.
- For some good articles about texting a crush or a date, click here or here.
- Make it Facebook-official, if you want to. Lots of middle school romance will happen primarily on Facebook. If you're going out with someone, you need to discuss how much of it you want to be public, and how much of it you want to be private together with the person you're dating, and be respectful. Remember: lots of people can see it.
- If you decide you want to, change your Facebook status to "in a relationship" with your date.
- It's important to ease up on the digital PDA. The occasional kissy-face emoticon exchange is ok, but not more than once every couple days.
- Be real with your date. The only way you need to act when you're with your date, when you're talking to your date, and when you're thinking of something to say is to just act naturally. Be yourself. Joke around, goof off, don't Try to be someone you're not.
- Give sincere compliments, when they're deserved. "I thought you looked really nice today" will always be appreciated when you mean it.
- Act the same around your date as you act around your friends, which is what your date should be, unless of course you act like a total dweeb with your friends. The point is, if you're not friends, you shouldn't be dating.
- Go slow. In middle school, you're still developing and maturing, and different people will develop and mature more quickly than others. You might be feeling a rush of conflicting emotions and like your hormones are raging out of control. That's because they are. It's important to take a step back, calm down, and let things go slowly. You've got your whole life ahead of you to date.
- Sometimes, it's ok to try for a kiss, when the time is right, but only if both people are comfortable. Be open and honest with the person that you're with.
- Sometimes, middle school romances seem devastating when they're over. Try to relax. You'll look back on this in less than two or three years and laugh.
- Give your date some space. If you're "seeing" somebody in middle school, that's great, but that doesn't mean you're married. Who your date talks to on Facebook, or sits with at lunch shouldn't be a source of your obsession. You're two individuals who like to spend time together. That's it.
- Don't get desperate and needy while you're dating someone. No texts or Facebook messages that say things like, "Where r u????"
- Spend time with your own friends, making separate time to do things that you enjoy doing alone. There'll always be time for dating.
- Try to have some dates in real life. Lots of middle school romances don't last very long, and are mostly on the Internet and at school. That's ok. It's hard to do much when you don't have any money and you don't have any car. But if you really like spending time with someone, try to make a point of spending some real time with each other, not just posting on the other's wall.
Going on Dates
- Go to dances. One of the best and easiest ways to go on a date in meeting school is to go to a dance together. It gives you a great reason to ask and a fun thing to do together. Most dances in middle school are right after school, too, which means you don't have to bother any parents for a ride.
- If you're scared of dancing, practice. Pump up some tunes in your bedroom, or on your headphones, and work on your moves ahead of time. You don't have to be super-smooth, but you do want to avoid looking dorky.
- If your school doesn't have many dances, you can go to other school events together, especially football or basketball games. Go to any after-school club, or a school play together as a date.
- Go to a movie together. Ask your date if they'd like to see a new movie, maybe the night it comes out to make it seem like an event. You could even get the tickets ahead of time, and maybe plan to get a bite to eat, or an ice cream, after the movie, if you're allowed.
- Going to the movies can be a good way to make a date a little less awkward. You don't have to talk too much, so it's a good choice if you're feeling nervous.
- If you have an older sibling, see if they'll drive you to the date instead of your parents. Way cooler.
- Sit together at lunch. While it might not seem like a date, one of the absolute easiest ways that you can hang out with someone you're dating in middle school is to spend time together at lunch. Find a quiet table where you can sit together, or sit together with your friends and let everyone see how disgustingly cute you two are. Good fun either way.
- Offer to do little things for your date, like throw away their tray for them, or hold out the chair. It might seem old school, or like something your parents would do, but it's good to make someone feel special.
- See if you can walk home from school together. If you don't get to see each other much at school, spend some time together afterward by walking home, if you can. It's a good way to be able to get some private time and talk without a bunch of people around.
- Make sure both of your parents know you'll be doing this, and only do it if you'd normally walk home from school. If they know you're together, you can linger a while. Walk slow.
- You can also walk somewhere else, if it's convenient and you're allowed. Head to the mall, or to some other store to walk around after school. You can also arrange another non-school time you could go on a walk together, maybe in a park close-by.
- Ask your parents if your date can come over to your house. Have your date over for dinner some night, or come over and watch a movie at your house. This can be a good way to let your family meet someone you're dating, and let your date meet your family. Big step in a relationship!
- You'll need to talk to your parents about this, because they'll probably not want you two to be locked up in a room together, but maybe they'll let you have the living room to yourselves.
Tips
- Be calm.
- Be a good friend, and not a jerk.
- Don't try too hard.
- Don't lie and cheat.
- Don't be like the dictator of your date.
- Be cautious of words and actions.
- Obey your parents while dating, make sure you are allowed to date.
- Don't be afraid to talk to your partner.
- If you're afraid or uncomfortable in the relationship, let them know. If you feel unsafe letting him/her know, contact an adult and explain the issue. Communication is the key.
- Try to give them their requested space. If they ever try to break it off due to unknown reasons, get it out of them, because it might bug you for years just from that one little factor.
- Be polite to the person you like.
- Just because you started dating yesterday, doesn't mean could go kiss them tomorrow. I know you will feel happy and be all over them, but you'll calm sooner or later.
Warnings
- Don't get too involved too quickly.
