Deal With Troubled Teens

As a parent of a troubled teen, you have to have a strategy to deal with their behavioral problems and help them deal with these issues on their own. This may sound like a daunting task but it doesn't have to be. Here are some things to consider when tackling this topic.

Steps

Being Aware

  1. Know what your teen is facing. Being troubled can cover a wide range of issues, from the behavioral (drug use, sexual explorations, and criminal activity) to the mental (ego and self-esteem). Being aware of what the teen is dealing with is the first step in helping them recover.
    • Before you go investigating, try communicating honestly with your teen (or have someone else do the job for you). If they aren't willing to open up, you'll need to start putting the pieces together yourself.
    • Just about all teens are dealing with many issues at the same time, which creates even more stress.
  2. Watch for evidence of behavioral problems. These include falling school grades, lack of interest in hobbies they previously enjoyed and suspicious activities.
    • Though these are just symptoms of a greater cause, keeping alert will help you piece the puzzle together and help you get to know your son/daughter better. Take every opportunity to gauge information and keep notes to stay mentally organized.
  3. Communicate with others in his/her circles. Your neighbors and parents of your teen's friends are a good place to start. This gives you a broader view of the situation in your teen's sphere of influence with his/her peers.
    • In addition to being valuable resources of information, it's likely that they've been there too and can be a source of support. Don't be afraid to open up about your concerns - you're trying to be an involved, caring parent.
    • Don't ask them to divulge secrets or overly personal information, unless you have a good reason to believe they are contributing to your teens stress. Doing so will breach your teen's privacy and can only make the path to recovery even harder.
  4. Keep track of your teen's progress. Not all teens are going to be excellent students, nor will they all begin dating at the same age. But knowing what track they are on will help you better predict the future.
    • Certain facts are not necessarily indicators of trouble or rebellion. But as a parent, you should develop a familiarity of your teen's growth, both mentally and physically.
  5. Understand what constitutes a "normal" teenager. Sometimes signs of trouble may just be signs of growth. All teenagers go through changes in dealing with growing up.
    • Keeping up with fashion is important to many teens. This may mean that your teen suddenly decides to dress provocatively or dye their hair. For some, this is normal behavior. Limit your criticism to bigger issues.
      • A changing appearance is not a red flag unless you suspect self-harm or see serious weight gain or loss.
    • As teens mature, they can become more argumentative and rebellious. Red flags include skipping school, getting into fights and violence on any level at home. These go beyond the norm of teenage rebellion.
    • Mood swings are normal. They may be irritable one moment and jumping for joy the next. What you should be concerned with is persistent sadness, anxiety or sleep problems. These could be signs of depression or bullying.

Support

  1. Be on your teen's side. Communicate openly with them, and let them know you care about them and are interested in what is going on in their life.
    • All people, especially teens, need to feel loved. Regardless of how independent or averse to you they seem, they still need positive, reassuring attention from you.
  2. Support positive influences in their life. If they are involved in sports, clubs, or other positive activities, be supportive of them so they can be as successful as possible in what they are doing. Knowing they have a fan will encourage them to pursue these positive goals.
    • You may need to be rather obvious with your support. In research, teens often misread facial expressions; when shown pictures of adult faces expressing different emotions, teens most often interpreted them as being angry. [1] This is because teens use a different part of their brain to identify emotion.
  3. Seek professional help, if necessary. Your teen may have trouble having you as an outlet but a certified therapist can be a healthy alternative.
    • Consult your spouse or a close family member for their opinion. If therapy seems necessary, talk to your son/daughter first. If they are opposed, make clear the benefits of therapy and explain that there are no stigmas attached - in fact, no one will have to know.
    • Choose a therapist that specializes in teenagers with troubling issues. Each therapist has a specialty and doing your research beforehand will maximize the possible effectiveness of your child's therapy.

Dealing with Issues Effectively

  1. Set boundaries for your teen. A curfew isn't mandatory but many teens actually do better when they know what time they should be home. Putting limits on where they can go and what they can do will help them recognize that their behavior does matter.
    • Be reasonable and reward good behavior. If your teen is hanging out with friends you know and calls to check in, relax. They are giving you a reason to trust them; show them you recognize and appreciate their good behavior.
    • Explain your reasoning behind each rule. This will let your teen know that rules aren't just in place to make them unhappy. If you can't think of a good reason, chances are that rule should not be put in place.
  2. Establish clear consequences. Saying, "You're grounded!" is no good if they are out and about the next night. Make sure your imposed boundaries have a reason to be obliged by.
    • Stick with it. It may be hard at first, but having a routine allows both of you to know what to expect. Your teen will know the consequences of his/her actions without you having to explain them outright.
  3. Talk to your teen's teachers or guidance counselor. If you suspect a school problem is evolving, they may be privy to information you are not.
    • Teachers will be happy to keep your meeting confidential. Putting a bug in their ear that your child's behavior may be on a slippery slope is not embarrassing; teachers are there to help and may be unaware of any problems at home.
  4. Grant your teen space. They need all the time in their world to find out who they want to become. Holing themselves up in their bedrooms may not be the worst thing. Allow them their time.
    • This is especially necessary if your teen is prone to anger. They need time to cool off. Demanding apologies while they are still raging will only escalate the situation.
  5. Give them responsibility. This can be in any way you deem appropriate. Give them a list of chores or ask them to help around the community for their allowance.
    • Encourage them to get a part time job. If they don't seek one out themselves, ask around your area for potential employers or neighbors who need jobs done.
  6. Get them active in the family. Make sure you're active first! Make family dinners and game nights a regular event. Letting your child know they are a part of the family and matter will make them feel culpable for their actions.
    • Set a good example. If you're constantly online and emailing at the dinner table, they'll have no reason not to mirror your behavior. If you expect them to be involved, be involved yourself.

Caring for Yourself

  1. Manage your emotions. You can't help your teen if you often come across as angry, suffocating or unreasonable. You're seeking change - letting your emotions take over your logic may exacerbate the problem.
    • Remove yourself from the parent/child relationship. They aren't going to listen to you just because you're their elder. Think of how you would treat the situation if they were your equal. How would you try to get through to them? Staying level-headed will help you think clearly and make the best decisions.
  2. Take time to relax. If you are losing sleep over this, you're not in the best shape to conquer these issues. At the end of the day, it's your teen who needs to overcome this, not you.
    • Don't feel guilty for taking time to yourself. It's important to rejuvenate and energize yourself before you try to take on topics that are exhausting. If you're beat down, it'll show. You'll become more easily exasperated and more likely to give up. Your teen needs you to stick with them. Take the time to be able to do just that.
  3. Stay positive. You may be making a mountain out of a molehill. What were your teenage years like? Your friends' and family's? Most acts of rebellion come in phases. Though you should take your son/daughter seriously and address the issues at hand, knowing that "this too shall pass" will be incredibly beneficial to your overall stress and ability to cope.
    • Happiness is contagious. If your teen sees that you're overwhelmed, exhausted and bitter, there will be no example for them to follow. They are still at an age where they need someone to copy; you can be that person.

Tips

  • Networking with other parents in your community will give you a better overview of what other teens in that community are doing. Knowing what's par for the course will give you realistic expectations.
  • Treat them like you would treat any other human being. Don't hit them, mock them or laugh when they cry. There is a fine line between discipline and being downright mean. Teenagers need someone they can trust, not another bully.
  • Allow them space. Find about their lives but don't demand details. An amount of privacy is necessary to becoming their own being.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/mental/troubled-teens.htm
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