Deal With a Manipulative Friend

Do you have that one friend who tells you how to live your life then makes you feel guilty if you don't live their way? Well, you were born to live the way you want so it's time to get your life back on track and live the way you want to.

Steps

1. Determine if your friend is being manipulative. The signs are very easy to spot, but most victims don't believe they're being manipulated and instead think they have the problem. The goals of the manipulator are fairly simple: they like power, control, attention and sympathy. Generally, manipulators are not stable and secure people.
2. Look out for the warning signs. These can vary a lot, but generally these are some good indicators:
   • They control your life as much as possible, especially your friends. They'll find any reason to not like your friends. "She's weird", "She makes you act different", "She's rude", and if it's not one of those then you better believe they can find another reason. If that's not enough to lure you away from your friends, depending on their limits the luring could get worse.
   • They will do things such as give you money or advice, even just once in a while, but will forever hold it against you. "Oh, you borrowed a ton of money from me so the least you can do is buy me this!"
   • They constantly start minor arguments with you and then accuse you of being nasty to them.
   • They tell minor, but constant lies, but will claim to be real and say that they never lie.
   • They are tolerable in person, but are often vicious and abusive through emails and Facebook.
   • They accuse you of insulting them and offending them, and will tell you you're sounding a bit 'moody' or 'bitchy' to them.
   • They say that you have a problem, often that you're a nasty person who gets on people's nerves.
   • They will make subtle threats, such as 'You need to start being nicer to me, because I don't have to put up with you' or 'I'm always trying to convince everybody that you're actually a nice person, you could at least put some effort in'.
   • They try to convince you that everybody around you hates you except them.
3. Think about whether you really like them, or whether you just feel guilty if you don't spend time with them. If they constantly tell you that they don't like you, but still remain friends with you, you have to think about their motives.
4. Confide in other friends. People the manipulator doesn't know are best, as they won't hear her spin on the story.
5. Confront your manipulative friend. This is often the hardest part, as they will fight tooth and claw to humiliate you, to make you feel sad, lonely and guilty, and to convince you that you have the problem, not them. The key is to remember that you're the victim, and that this isn't friendship, it's abuse.
6. If they are abusive to you, or fail to admit they have a problem, cut them off. They may often resort to childish or hurtful tactics, such as turning all your friends against you, or spreading rumours about you. Ignore them, refuse to talk about them, make new friends and generally try to avoid all contact with them, so that you are never exposed to their mind games.
7. Look for past victims. Often, there will be other people that they have repeated the cycle with, and that will make you feel slightly less alone.
8. Forget. This final step is necessary for getting your confidence back and moving on with your life. Most likely your former friend will try to find ways of getting you back into their life. Just distance yourself from them, and think of how much better you are without them.

Tips

• Keep in mind that the person could be having a bad day, so do not suspect them of being a manipulator too soon.

Warnings

• Always save messages from your friend in case you need them later as evidence, or to prove their behaviour to other people.
• If you think your friend might try to hurt you, or do anything else that is harmful or illegal, get the police and an anti-bullying organization involved, and NEVER put yourself or anybody else in harms way.
• If possible, get a mature adult that you completely trust involved to back you up.

Related Articles

• Imply to a Manipulative Friend That You Are Angry
• Cope With a Controlling Person
• Prevent Yourself from Being Manipulated
• Deal With Poisonous Friends

See also

• Deal With an Envious Friend
• Cope With an Annoying Friend
• Deal With a Self Centered Friend
• Deal With a Sociopathic Friend
• Deal With a Mean Friend
• Deal With Poisonous Friends
• Deal With a Backstabbing Friend
• Deal With an Insincere Friend
• Deal With a Bragging Friend
• Deal With a Jealous Friend