Deal With an Insincere Friend

Dealing with a fake friend can prove a tricky business, especially if you desire to keep this individual as a friend.

Steps

  1. Realize that if your friend is fake, there is a reason. Generally a tragic one, and one that you may not be aware of. If your friend is not yet willing to offer this up to you, you need to try to be patient.
  2. Do not obsess over your friend's flaws. If your friend is continually trying to say something that you happen to know for a fact is incorrect, then it is not necessary for you to mention this. This will just wound your friend's ego and may even get them mad at you.
  3. Continue to spend time with your friend, because eventually the masks will wear away, the more they begin to trust you. Even on days you get sick of how pathetic your friends actions seem to be, remember that your friend has probably dealt with some pretty intense issues.

Tips

  • It sometimes takes the person a long time to process things. Be willing to give them space. After all you need it too.
  • Be honest and genuine with this person but do it lightly. Honesty is what may have attracted them to you in the first place. Show them that they too can be honest without creating a fear of it.
  • "Show" them that you can be sincere by expressing it not only to them, but as well as to others when you are with this person. Eventually they may catch on in time.
  • Patience will be a very good thing to possess during this time.
  • And most importantly, show this person why sincerity is a valuable trait worth beholding. Show them what they can accomplish and attract by carrying it too.
  • Also, it is not necessary for you to point out to your friend how they are constantly being fake, this will only hurt your friend. Unless, of course, they already announce constantly that they are fake and/or pathetic.
  • Be supportive (if you really want to keep the friendship going) whenever you can but remember not to take on the role of or get lost in the emotional needs and dramas of this person.
  • To everyone giving long, well-thought out replies: cutting insincere friends out of your life works wonders. Pay your true friends a compliment by helping them.
  • It is not necessary to always "feel bad" for them either. Offer up any advice you can give on how they might be able to see something in a different light or act on something in a different way, but showing that you're always willing to "feel bad" for them doesn't help them to move on and break out of their shell; it inhibits it and creates co-dependency.
  • Slowly show them your depth while leaving open spaces for them to open theirs.
  • Be compassionate but be strong and reserved when they open up to you. Their problem will become your problem if you don't heed this advice. Remain calm and open. This will make them feel more at ease. Be receptive and save the emotional analysis and processing for later.
  • Encourage them to be sincere; reward them (if you are in a position to) for being sincere.

Warnings

  • Sometimes it's best to give up in the end because there's really nothing more you can do; you have done and have shown everything you possibly could for them. It is ultimately up to them in the end to put forth the effort it takes to break out of their mask. Have faith that they will do just fine.
  • If your friend is fake and has been fake throughout the duration that you've known them, expect to wait a very long time before you see the "real" them.
  • Sometimes though, your friend isn't going to be able to understand that you might be so easily able to understand him on all of these deep levels. He might take your actions as a threat or something else; superficiality when the fact is, it's reality. Even when they themselves know that you also have dealt with some pretty intense issues growing up; you just might not show it because you were able to live through it to see better days. You had already dealt with it and you were able to get over it. The hurt you had felt; you were able to let go of it long ago; but you still felt it nonetheless.
  • Remember that if your friend has been fake for a long part of their life [probably to hide some deep injury], then they may have become accustomed to the mask they wear and the lies they weave.

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