Decide if You Are Attracted to Someone

Being attracted to another person can be a wonderful experience and an amazing feeling that evokes interest and desire. Deciding whether or not you are attracted to someone can be complex because the human mind itself is complicated. How you think and what you value in life will often be determining factors in whether or not an attraction exists.

Steps

Examining Your Subconscious Behavior

1. Note how often you think about the person. When you are attracted to a person, you may find yourself thinking about them more often than you think about anyone else and doing so beyond your control. When you are not attracted to someone, you will likely be indifferent. Ask yourself the following questions:
   • Do I frequently find myself wanting to be where they are?
   • Am I disappointed when they do not return my text messages or phone calls?
2. Note changes in your physical appearance. If you care a lot about your physical appearance, especially if it is more than usual, you are likely attracted to the person. You are demonstrating that you care how they feel about your appearance, and you probably care how they feel about you. Here are a few questions to ask yourself:
   • Do I care more about how my hair looks?
   • Do I spend more time deciding what clothing to wear?
   • Am I wearing more perfume or cologne?
3. Monitor your physical reaction. Sometimes figuring out if you are attracted to someone is very easy because you have an immediate physical response that seems to grow within you and is sometimes felt in your mind, body, and heart. This may include nervousness or a feeling of having butterflies in your stomach (fluttering).
   • Note your heart rate and check your palms when you think about the person or when they are around you.
   • Without even being aware of it, when are attracted to someone you will act differently when they are around. The primary reason is because you feel self-conscious and you want to make a good impression.
   • This may sound strange, but believe it or not, as human beings we are drawn to others based upon their natural odor. Just like you may be attracted to a person’s physical characteristics, odor can foster attraction. Additionally, odor can cause you to remember events and think fondly about a person and the time that you spent together.

Understanding Your Emotions

1. Process your feelings. Sometimes your emotions about another person can be so strong that they become completely overwhelming and you immediately know that something special is happening. When trying to figure out if you are attracted to someone, simply start out by asking yourself how happy you are to see the person. This can be an indicator of attraction.
   • Laughing at all of the person's jokes can be an indication of attraction.
   • Smiling frequently can also be an indication of attraction.
2. Examine your physical preferences. Be honest with yourself and think about whether or not you have any physical preferences. If you prefer someone who is tall, then you may not be attracted to someone who is short. Make a list of your preferences.
   • Physical attractiveness is subjective and what one person finds physically appealing is not always universal. You must gaze at the person’s overall appearance to figure out if you like what you see.
   • Physical appearance can include facial features (such as eyes, nose, lips, cheekbones), hygiene, hairstyle, attire, and anything else that affects their overall appearance.
   • You cannot always make a sweeping statement about your preference because you can absolutely be attracted to someone who is the exact opposite of what you usually find attractive. However, sometimes your personal preference will be an overriding factor.
3. Identify any deal breakers. For instance, there are some people who do not find people who smoke attractive. While this is not a physical characteristic, it is certainly something that can affect overall attractiveness.

Identifying What You Like About the Person

1. Examine the person’s character. Think about positive qualities and characteristics that you like about the person, such as humor, loyalty, compassion, or creativity. Think of specific examples because those examples will give you a glimpse into your future relationship.
   • Pay attention to whether or not the person is trustworthy.
   • Notice if the person is happy for you when good things happen in your life.
2. Think about the person’s altruism. How the person interacts with other people and whether or not they are kind is important. Most people find this type of person attractive because if they are kind to others they will likely be kind to you.
   • Examples of altruism is volunteering to help those less fortunate and being available to help friends.
3. Spend quality time together. Participating in activities together will give you an opportunity to figure out whether or not you like the person and also what you like about them.
   • Actively listen to the person and ask open-ended questions that require them to really open up and talk. For example, you can ask: “Tell me about your childhood and how you became the person you are today.”
4. Build a bond. Participating in a stressful task together is known to build a bond. Consider organizing a volunteer project, or doing something new and exciting together, such as rock climbing or rafting.
   • People who go through a stressful experience together tend to form stronger relationships, but if the event is too overwhelming it may have the opposite effect.

Finding Out if the Feelings are Mutual

1. Learn cues related to attraction. Both men and women provide physical cues when they are attracted to another person. Major signs are dilated pupils, lifted shoulders, and feet pointed towards you.
   • Women sometimes play with their hair, tilt their head, or become coy when they are attracted to someone.
   • Men sometimes smile, sway, stretch, or gaze when they are attracted to someone.
2. Share your feelings. Sometimes the best thing to do is just be honest and tell the person about your attraction to them.
   • Be prepared for rejection and do not take it personal if they do not return your affection. As discussed, there are many factors involved in attractiveness and you are sure to find someone else who thinks that you are attractive.
3. Pursue a healthy relationship. A stable and healthy relationship requires that you value and appreciate each other. It is best when the attraction is mutual, but if that is not the case, consider moving on before you become too emotionally involved.

Tips

• Understand that attractiveness is not always physical. You can be attracted to someone for a myriad of reasons, regardless of how they look.
• Assess whether or not you have a track record of being attracted to the wrong people. If so, address and resolve the root of that issue so that you can experience greater success in future relationships.

Warnings

• Do not ignore red flags, such as lying, verbal abuse, or self-destructive behaviors, even if you are very attracted to the person.
• Do not force yourself to be attracted to someone because it may not last for very long if forced.

Related Articles

• Be More Attractive to Someone at Work

Sources and Citations

See also

• Escape from a Drunken Date
• Let Everyone Know You Are Not Dating a Certain Guy
• Attract a Millionaire
• Escape from a Bad Date
• Tell if You Genuinely Like Someone
• Turn Friendship Into Love
• Attract Girls Without Being Annoying
• Attract a Guy
• Marry a Millionaire
• Turn a Girl On

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