Have a Discreet Bowel Movement at Your New Boyfriend's House
Ok girls. We've all been there. First time at your new boyfriend's house and you have to poop. The dilemma: how to relieve the pressure without stripping away your feminine guile?
There are two things that are embarrassing: the smell and the sound.
Contents
Steps
Joke about it
- Tell him the truth. This is a natural cycle, everyone does it, including your boyfriend. One of the best way to deal with your insecurities is to be honest and joke about it. This not only tells that you are secure but also tells that you are cool.
- Say something like "I was making room for the dinner....." or "I just unloaded in the toilet and now I feel so light" humorously. Remember it matters only if you think it matters. if you feel uncomfortable about it, he would too.
- Most guys are quite casual and much easier to talk to. If the guy minds after you take a dump in his bathroom, then probably you should find another guy.
- Keep this in mind, guys feel the same way.
Covering the Sound
This section is for when the smell is not a factor, but the sound is. For example, you know he won't be going into the bathroom soon (perhaps because he already went) but the walls are paper thin.
- Tell him you are going to take a quick shower. If it is appropriate for your situation, this is great because he thinks you are taking a shower. Turn on the shower to mask the sound of plopping. However, beware that:
- The smell will be worse in a humid environment so use cold water
- Flush as you plop. Pretty self explanatory. If its not going to be super weird for you to flush four or five times, then time your plops to the same time as the loud flushing noise. Beware: You must time everything properly! The loud part of the flush is not for a few seconds after you've pushed the lever.
- Put some toilet paper into the toilet before you begin. This absorbs the plop and thus prevents that telling backsplash noise. Beware, it will smell worse if you use this method because the specimen is not submerged fully into the water.
- Turn up the radio before you leave, saying that you love this song. Then after a minute of dancing or singing along, excuse yourself. Chances are, he'll leave the radio up loud until you come back.
Addressing the Smell
Smell is a tougher thing to conceal. But sometimes its all you need to worry about because the area where he is sitting is far from the bathroom and the sound won't carry.
- Use the bathroom spray or, barring that, perfume, before you drop one and after. Most people wait until after. Do not make this mistake.
- Crack a window or light a match, but these are both telltale poop smell concealers.
- Wait to go until right after he goes. If you can wait, it is best. That way, the smell has a chance to disappear by the time he needs to go in there again.
- Take advantage if multiple flushes aren't a problem. The less time poop is sitting in the toilet, the less chance is has to stink up the room.
Tips
- If all else fails, accept that he will know you pooped. As unattractive as it might be, all mature men know that all humans poop. If he makes fun, tell him to grow up. If he won't grow up, he's not mature enough for a relationship anyway.
- If you have a tendency of having smelly, large, or any other type of poop that may lead to something embarrassing, try to get your boyfriend to go out with you to someplace that has a bathroom. (but don't tell him that, you'll just need to know). When you are there, poop! If you clog the toilet, usually a maintenance person will take care of it, and if it smells who cares! He won't be going into the ladies restroom, right?
Warnings
- If you light a match you probably have to make an excuse so be prepared for that.
- Make sure you locate the lavatory cleaning brush, just in case you have a less than solid movement. If accompanied by a sudden evacuation of gas, you could find yourself in a tight squeeze, so to speak.
