Decide if You Should Dump Your Live in Long Term Boyfriend

Breaking up is never an easy decision. However, when you're living together, it can be even more complicated. A live-in partner is usually indicative of a serious romance, so you don't want to make the decision to break things off lightly. Think about how you feel about your boyfriend. If you're feeling trapped and constricted, it may be time to breakup. Consider how you feel about the living situation. Think for a long time about whether you're just staying due to the convenience of living with someone.

Steps

Evaluating Your Feelings about Your Boyfriend

1. Think about whether you see your boyfriend as an equal. If you're nearing the end of a relationship, you will no longer see your boyfriend as equal to you. When you're falling in love, you have a tendency to magnify someone's good qualities and see them as greater than you. When falling out of love, this perception will slip. You may see someone as below you.
   • You may see yourself as above your boyfriend. You may be increasingly distrustful of his point of view, perspective, and character.
   • In some cases, however, you may feel you're beneath your partner. This is also a bad sign. You are not feeling fulfilled enough in the relationship to have your own sense of self worth.
   • If you don't see your boyfriend as equal, it may be time to end things.
   • For example, your boyfriend disagrees with you on a movie you just watched. Instead of finding yourself accepting his opinion is different, you find yourself thinking less of him. For example, you think something like, "I can't believe that's his opinion. It's ridiculous."
2. Consider whether you feel heard. In a dysfunctional relationship, your perspective will not be considered. You and your boyfriend may struggle to truly understand one another. Disagreements are normal. However, when someone refuses to acknowledge your point of view, this is a sign it may be time to breakup.
   • When you have a disagreement, think about how your boyfriend reacts. Does he state your point of view, making it clear he understands it, and then disagree with you? Or does he simply skip to disagreeing?
   • If it's the latter, this is a clear sign your boyfriend does not understand your perspective. This is generally a sign the relationship is not sustainable long term.
   • For example, your boyfriend enjoys going to loud concerts, while you dislike attending. You tell your boyfriend you don't really want to keep going to shows with him, simply because it's not your cup of tea. Instead of understanding, your boyfriend berates you for not being fun.
3. Evaluate whether you're afraid of your boyfriend leaving. When a relationship is beginning to come to a close, you will experience fear much of the time. You will constantly be nervous your boyfriend is going to leave. This is because you sense the relationship is coming to an end.
   • Some insecurity is normal in a relationship. Many people periodically worry whether things will work out long term. However, small negative events should not make you fearful a breakup is imminent.
   • When you and your boyfriend fight, do you immediately worry about your living situation? Do you find yourself browsing apartments on Craig's List when you have a minor disagreement? Are you saving money in the event you have to move fast?
   • Good relationships can survive bumps in the road. Even in hard times, you should feel cared for and somewhat secure. If you rarely, if ever, feel secure in a relationship, this is a sign you should breakup.
4. Review whether you feel angry or resentful. In a functional relationship, your partner will support you. You will feel like you can achieve what you want with this person at your side. If you feel as if you can't do what you want with your boyfriend, you may begin to resent him. If you're feeling an overarching sense of frustration at all times, this is a sign you may be in a dysfunctional relationship. Feelings of frustration and resentment may be a sign that it is time for you to end the relationship.

Thinking About Your Relationship

1. Review your fights. Think about arguments you have with your boyfriend. In a bad relationship, you will find yourself repeating the same arguments over and over again. If nothing is getting resolved, this may be a sign you're better off ending things.
   • When a relationship is coming to a close, you will circle around the same subjects over and over again. You may find yourself revisiting the same topic.
   • If a fight reoccurs over and over again, this means you're failing to resolve something. Issues that cannot be fixed are a sign the two of you are not compatible.
2. Think about physical intimacy. It's normal for physical intimacy to slow slightly as a relationship progresses. However, when sex stops altogether, this is a bad sign. Sexual intimacy can increase romantic feelings. A lack of sexual intimacy can make you feel distant. If you're no longer attracted to your boyfriend, this is a sign the relationship should end.
3. Evaluate whether you've withdrawn emotionally. In a good relationship, you should feel like you can share anything with your boyfriend. When a relationship is ending, you will begin to withdraw.
   • You may share less and less with your boyfriend. Rather than talking over your emotions with him, you will turn to friends and family members instead. If you don't feel you can open up to someone, this is a sign the relationship isn't working.
   • Withdrawing emotionally may manifest itself physically. You may, for example, find you're less physically affectionate with your boyfriend.
4. Think about whether you still have fun. Fun is a vital part of any relationship. It's especially important to have fun with someone you live with. Evaluate whether or not you still have fun just hanging out with your boyfriend.
   • With a live-in boyfriend, it's important to have fun during normal parts of the day. You should enjoy simply watching television together, eating dinner, or doing the dishes.
   • If you feel drained around your boyfriend instead of invigorated, this is a sign the relationship should end. It can be very exhausting living with someone whose company you don't enjoy.
5. Consider the level of trust and openness in the relationship. It is important to feel like you can be trusting and open with your boyfriend. If you do not feel like you can be trusting and open with your boyfriend, then you may want to consider ending the relationship.
   • Reflect on how comfortable you are telling your boyfriend about your hopes, fears, and dreams. Do you trust him with this information? Does he trust you with the same kind of information? If the answer is no, then this may be a sign that the relationship lacks trust and openness.

Considering the Living Situation

1. Think about how you feel when your partner is gone. It's normal to sometimes enjoy having your apartment to yourself. However, there's a difference between craving alone time on occasion and wishing your boyfriend wasn't around much of the time. Give serious consideration to how much space you desire.
   • Do you find yourself wishing your boyfriend would spend more time away from your apartment or house? Do you frequently go out with friends without him and dread going home?
   • If you don't enjoy being around your boyfriend anymore, this is probably a sign you should break up. While it's okay to occasionally want to do your own thing, when you dread bringing your boyfriend along or having him home for a night, this is not a good sign.
2. Evaluate whether you're comfortable alone. Being alone is difficult, especially if you've gotten comfortable in a situation. You may hesitate to leave a live-in boyfriend as you fear living alone. However, try to be honest with yourself. Are you staying in the relationship because you're genuinely happy or because you fear being alone?
   • Think about the prospect of breaking up. Pay attention to what scares you the most. Are you sad at the prospect of losing someone you love and care about? Or are you dreading the loneliness that will come from losing the constant companionship of a live-in partner?
   • If your reason is a fear of loneliness, this is not a good enough reason to stay in a relationship. While adjusting to being alone can be difficult, it's better than staying in a relationship where you're unhappy.
3. Look over the financial situation. Finances are often a reason people stay in a relationship. If you share rent, bills, and other costs of living, you may not want to leave due to financial convenience. Really interrogate yourself as to why you're staying. If your main worries about leaving revolve around bills, you may be in the wrong relationship.
4. Review your exit plan. If you're debating whether or not to stay, it may be because you don't have an exit plan. Many people stay in bad relationships too long because they don't know how to leave. Think about what you would do regarding your living situation in the event of a breakup. If you have a clear exit plan in mind, and still want to stay, the relationship may be worth salvaging. However, if you form an exit plan that makes you feel relieved at the prospect of leaving, this is probably a sign you should leave.
   • Think about where you would go temporarily if you broke up. Could you stay with friends or family? Would you be willing to sleep on the couch until you find a new place?
   • Consider your finances. Do you have enough money together to secure a new place? Could you borrow from someone? Look at apartments in your area to get a sense of the price range, as well as the average cost of things like security deposits.
   • Figure out how you would negotiate shared finances. If one of you moves out, is that persons still responsible for half of the rent until you secure a new roommate? Also, there are shared bills. Try to figure when you the two of you will last pay things like the cable bill and utilities bill together.

Warnings

• Don't just stay because moving out while living together is complicated. Escaping a bad relationship is worth the money you will spend leaving.

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Sources and Citations

See also

• Return to Work After a Breakup
• Get a Girl to Hate You
• Make Yourself Not Love Someone
• Know if the Relationship Is Over
• Dump Your Boyfriend Nicely
• Know When to Break Up
• Break Up with Someone and Remain Their Friend
• Let Someone Go
• Break Up with Someone You Love
• Get Your Ex Back

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