Find out if He's Playing With You
If you’re really feeling a guy and aren’t sure if he’s on the same page, it can cause you a lot of stress and self-doubt. If you’re not sure if the guy is playing with you, then you need to think about the things he does and says when you’re together. Though there’s no foolproof way to know if he’s playing with you unless you ask him or catch him in the act, there are many signs that he’s not being genuine with you, and it’s important to know if you should watch out as soon as possible.
Contents
Steps
Seeing What He Does
- See if he’ll only hang out with you in certain parts of town. One way to know if he’s playing with you is to see if he’s comfortable hanging out with you anywhere or if he gets nervous or reluctant if you want to hang out in a new part of town or go on a new adventure. If he acts this way, it may be because he’s been hanging out with other girls in other parts of town and doesn’t want to have any awkward run-ins. If you want to know if he’s playing you, you should casually mention that you want to go to to a different restaurant, different movie theatre, or another public park in town to see if it makes a difference to him.
- If he’s really playing you, then he probably has his balancing act down to an art. If you try to change his usual schedule, then you may be able to call his bluff.
- Ask yourself if he’s always the one who decides where you should go. Of course, he may just want to take charge for other reasons, but this could be a giveaway that he wants to steer you away from places where you’re likely to run in to some of his other ladies.
- See if he’s reluctant to meet your friends or to have you meet his. If your guy never wants to meet your friends, it may be because he doesn’t want to make the relationship a serious commitment. If he doesn’t want you to meet his friends, it may be for the same reason, with the additional worry that his friends may say something about the other girls he’s seeing. Whether he’s seeing someone else or not, if you’ve been together for a while and he’s shown no interest in wanting to meet your friends or have you meet his, then it’s a red flag.
- If he doesn’t want to become a bigger part of your life, then it’s because he doesn’t want things to get too serious.
- That said, if you try to rush him into meeting your friends, or even your family, after just a few weeks of dating, then you may be moving too fast. He may have legitimate reasons for taking things slow, like wanting to make sure he knows where things stand, or giving his friends some time to get used to the idea of him having a new girlfriend because he recently got out of a serious relationship.
- See if he acts weird if he runs into you in public. If things are great when you and your guy are alone and he suddenly gives you the cold shoulder when you run into him at the mall or outside a restaurant, then something is definitely up. Either he’s acting weird because he’s seeing another girl and doesn’t want to be seen with you, or because he doesn’t want his friends or anyone else to think he’s dating you. Either way, this should be a cause for concern.
- If he really cares for you, then he should be excited to see you and should even show you some affection. Of course, he doesn’t have to be as affectionate in public as he would be in private, but he should act like he really wants to see you.
- Check out his body language. Does he make eye contact and move toward you? If so, then that’s a good sign. But if he stands away from you, crosses his arms over his chest, and keeps looking around instead of looking at you, then this means that he’s trying to keep his distance.
- See if he’s reluctant to be affectionate with you in public. If you two go out on a date but he acts like you’re brother and sister, then you should be asking yourself why. If he’s playing you, then he doesn’t want the world to know that he’s seeing you, either because he’s also seeing someone else or he just wants to keep his options open. Though not all guys are into holding hands, for example, he should want to give you some sort of affection if he really cares for you.
- You don’t want to put the pressure on him to be affectionate in public too early, but if you’ve gone on several dates and he still stands a foot away from you any time you’re out together, then this may be a cause for concern.
- See if he’s sweet to you one minute and distant the next. If he’s all loving, sweet, kind, and wanting to kiss you one minute and then the next, he acts like he barely knows who you are, then this may be because he’s playing with you. Maybe he’s in the mood to hang out with you on certain days, while he thinks he has better things to do on others. Whether this means he’d rather hang with another girl or spend time with his buddies, if he’s always hot and cold, then he’s definitely playing with you.
- Think about it: does he often leave you feeling confused about what he really feels about you or where you stand with him? If so, then this may be because he’s playing with your emotions.
- See if he would never give up a night with his friends for you. If the guy is playing with you, then he’ll never think that you come first with him. He would always spend a night out with his buddies, but when it comes to you, he’ll only hang out with you on certain times, when you suspect that his friends might be busy or that he has nothing else on his social calendar. If he really likes you, then he’ll think of you as a priority, not as social sloppy seconds. If you want to know if he’s playing with you, see if he’ll ever give up a night with his friends for a nice evening with you.
- If the guy is serious about you, then he should be excited about hanging out with you instead of his friends, at least some of the time. Though you don’t want him to give up his other friends or his social life for you completely, if he makes no compromises for you at all, then it may be because he’s playing with you.
- See if he’s shady with his phone. One dead giveaway that a guy is playing with you is that he’s very secretive when it comes to his phone. If he’s always checking his phone and then texting away from your direction, stepping out to take calls a lot without telling you who called, or goes hours without picking up his phone with no explanation, then it may be because he’s playing you. Of course, some guys are protective about their privacy and that’s perfectly normal, but if he’s always on his phone and you never know what he’s doing, then it may be a red flag that he’s playing you.
- Think about it: does he ever leave his phone out, even for a second, or is it always stuck in his pocket? Though you don’t want to snoop through it, if you can tell that he’s freaked out even about the idea of you seeing who is calling or texting him, then you may have a problem.
- Another thing you can look out for is if he turns off his phone completely when he’s hanging out with you. Though this may be a sweet gesture to give you his full attention, it may also be his way of warding off other girls who might be calling him when you’re together.
Seeing What He Says
- See if he’s always saying he’s too busy for you but he seems to have plenty of time for everyone else. If you’ve heard him tell you how busy he is again and again, saying that he doesn’t have ten free minutes for anyone, and then you heard that he spent his night out with a bunch of friends, then this may be a sign that he’s playing with you. The truth of the matter is that if a guy really wants to hang out with you, that he’ll find the time to do it. Though there are exceptions if he really does get super busy, if you find out that he’s spending that time with other people, then it should be a cause for concern.
- If he says he’s busy studying or doing work and then you find out that he’s been doing something else, even if he’s just hanging out with his brother, then he’s playing you. If he cared for you, then he’d be honest about what he was doing instead of lying.
- See if he’s reluctant to commit to anything more than two weeks in the future. If your guy tries to change the subject any time you try to talk about the future, even if you’re only talking about your holiday plans, which are a month away, then this may be a sign that he’s playing you. If he’s serious about you, then he’ll want to see you as a part of his future and he won’t back off when you bring it up.
- Of course, if you’ve been dating for three weeks and start talking about your wedding, it’s natural that he’ll freak out, but if you just bring up what you’ll both be doing a month from now, then he’ll have no reason to worry if he cares for you.
- Listen to how he talks about you and the relationship. If he never, ever brings up the future or includes you in his future plans, then he may be playing you.
- See if he hasn’t told any of his friends about you. If you finally meet his friends or run into his friends and they say something like, “I didn’t know he had a girlfriend…” or just look surprised by your presence, then this is because the guy didn’t think your relationship was serious enough for him to bring it up to his friends. If he cares about you and you’ve been seeing each other a while, then he should be excited about the relationship and should want his friends to know who you are.
- If he’s sweet to you when it’s just the two of you, but is more buddy buddy or even distant around his friends, then he may just like to flirt with you without wanting anything serious.
- Of course, some guys like to act tough in front of their friends, and he may not shower you with kisses when you meet them. But if he’s never even told them about you, then he may just be playing you.
- See if he’s reluctant to call you his girlfriend. If you consider him your boyfriend and have been seeing only him for months while you’ve never heard the word “girlfriend” come out of his mouth, then this may be because he doesn’t think the relationship is as serious as you think it is. If he introduces you to people as his friend or even seems like he’s not feeling it when you call him your boyfriend, then it may be because he’s playing you.
- Sometimes, words do speak louder than actions, and if he refuses to call you his girlfriend though you’ve been dating for a while, then there must be a reason behind it.
- He may be afraid of commitment without playing you. If this is the case, you still need to have a talk about it.
- See how he talks to other girls. If you want to know if he’s playing you, then you should see how he talks to the other girls he knows. Sure, he may be polite and not interested when he talks to other girls if you’re standing right next to him, but if you see him talking to a girl out of the corner of your eye from the other side of the room and he’s being incredibly flirtatious, then this may be because he’s playing you.
- If he really likes you, then he’ll find no need to talk to other girls in a flirtatious way. Sure, he can still talk to them and he doesn’t have to ignore every girl but you, but if you can tell from the way he talks to other girls that he wants more from them than just friendship, then he may be playing you.
- Though you don’t want to spy on him or get too obsessive, if one of your friends is at a party where he’s talking to other girls, ask your friend what it was like. Though your friend shouldn’t be too obvious about watching him, you may get a better read on the situation this way than you would if you were in the room yourself.
- See if he’s always full of excuses. A classic sign of a player is a man who is always full of excuses. He may be so smooth and so convincing that you don’t even notice that he’s completely lying to you. He may tell you about his grandmother getting sick, his dog needing to go to the vet, or about how he forgot your date because he “overslept” or had to comfort a friend. Sure, things happen, but if you find that he has a perfect excuse for every little reason why he’s disappointed you, then he may be playing you.
- If you’ve heard the excuse “my phone died” more than twice, then chances are, this is not the real reason he didn’t call you back.
- If he seems extra sweet and apologetic when he gives you these excuses, then it may be because he’s covering up the fact that he’s lying.
- See if he starts acting nervous when you ask him about his night. Another way to see if he’s playing you is to simply ask him how his night went if he told you he was staying in or hanging out with his friends. While you don’t need to ask about every little detail of the night, if you casually just ask a few questions about what happened, whether you ask what movie he watched when he was staying in alone or which bar he went to if he was supposedly out with his friends, you should check out his body language and words to see if he gets nervous, starts stuttering, or just acts uncomfortable.
- Though you don’t want to interrogate him, if you just ask a few questions without making a big deal about it, you may even be able to catch him in a lie.
- Ask him while you’re doing something else, like scrolling through your phone, so he doesn’t see that you’re really trying to figure him out.
Finding Out For Sure
- Ask him. If you want to know if a guy is playing you, the easiest way can be to ask him. Though you may not want to know if he’s cheating on you, you can just ask him where you stand with him. If he’s not feeling it as much as you are, then you’re better off knowing sooner rather than later. Simply find some time to be alone and ask him what his thoughts are about you and your future together.
- Though this may not be easy, this is far better than wondering for months. You’ll have a definitive answer, once and for all. And if he’s obviously lying, then you’ll be able to see that, too.
- If you’re really feeling bold, you can just flat-out ask him if he’s cheating. Point to some shady behavior that has led you to feel this way.
- Ask your friends what they think. Though it’s best to just ask him yourself, you can also get some great feedback from your friends, too. They’ve been watching the situation unfold and may have a sense of what the relationship is like from the outside. They may even have a better sense of whether or not he’s playing you because they might have seen him with girls without you and may have a different impression.
- Tell your friends to be honest with you. They shouldn’t lie to you just to spare your feelings.
- They can investigate a bit if you really want them to. If it won’t look too obvious, you can have one of your friends casually show up in a place where your guy is likely to be and to keep an eye on him to see how he is with other girls. Of course, if he thinks you’ve sent a spy in his direction, he’ll be on his best behavior.
- Consider following him. Okay, so if you really don’t care about being found out or breaking his trust, then one thing you can do is to follow your guy after you’ve been hanging out, or just when you know he’ll be at a certain place, to see what he’s been up to. Whether you’re driving at a far distance away, walking, or taking the bus, try to be far enough away that he doesn’t see you and to have a ready-made story in case he does catch you in the act. This can lead you to see if he’s seeing any other girls—or if he’s just going home to hang out with his cat.
- Just know that this is pretty risky behavior that can lead you to get caught. If you’re caught and he hasn’t been doing anything wrong, this can be a relationship ender for you, so make sure you really think following him is a good idea before you begin.
- Show up at his place when he doesn’t expect it. Another way to find out if he’s playing you is to show up at his place unannounced. You can pop in an hour earlier than you said you’d be there to see if there’s a different woman there or if he’s suspiciously cleaning everything up. You can also just drop by because you’re “in the area” at a time when he’s supposed to be studying or home working to bring him some coffee or a treat. When you show up, see if he’s happy to see you or if he seems nervous, like he’s hiding something—or someone.
- Of course, if it’s totally absurd that you would show up at his house out of the blue, then he’ll be on to you. But if you’ve come over there before and it hasn’t been a big deal, just try to make it seem natural.
- Snoop through his things—if you’re okay with breaking his trust. Though snooping through your guy’s things won’t win you any trust points, if you’re desperate and feel pretty sure that you want to cheat on him, then you can try looking through his phone or his email, or even looking through his room for suspicious items like female clothing that is obviously not yours. Snooping is a last resort and you should only do it if you feel like you really need answers and nothing else is working.
- The problem with snooping is that, even if you’ve found evidence, you’ll have to admit that you’ve been going through the guy’s things if you want to call him out. This will make him angry at you, and will take the focus off the real situation.
- If you’re looking through his phone, have an excuse ready in case he catches you. You can say that your phone died and that you were looking up the restaurant where you two were having dinner or that you needed to quickly check your email or something. Though this may not be too convincing, it may be better than nothing.
- Try to catch him in a lie. You can also try to catch the guy in a lie to find out if he’s playing you. If he’s mentioned that he hung out with his friends or brother the other night, when you see them, you can ask about how the boy’s night out went; if they look confused, then you may know that he lied. If he tells a story about how he had to stay home because his sister was having drama, you can ask him how she’s feeling a few days later; if he acts like he has no idea what you’re talking about, then it may be because he already forgot his own lie.
- You can even try asking him simple questions like which movie he saw if he went to the movies with his friends. If he looks embarrassed or clearly doesn’t know the answer, then you’ll know that he’s playing you.
- Even if there’s no proof, trust your gut. If you just get the feeling that the guy isn’t sincere even though you can’t find any proof of it through snooping, then it may be time to end the relationship. Maybe he’s not seeing other girls, but he still can be playing with you just because he’s not feeling it as much as you are. As long as you know you’re not the one with jealousy issues and see that you have a real reason to be concerned, if you really think he might be playing you, then it’s time to cut him loose.
- When you’re with a guy who really cares for you and who is there for only you, you’ll know. You won’t spend hours calling him and wondering where he is and you won’t have to stoop as low as snooping through his things or following him because you’ll have no reason to do it. You’ll know that he’s there for you 100% and that will be an amazing feeling.
Tips
- If you can't let go, think of all the things he did to hurt you and make you feel bad.
- All guys can be stupid, it's in their blood.
- It may be hard to let go, but when you have to LET GO. Seriously. Let go.
- Remember there are plenty of guys in the ocean, and there are better guys than him.
- Ask your best friends or closest friends (whatever) what they think he is doing to you. This REALLY HELPS.
- If he's dating a girl and shoving it in your face, do the same. Or check out articles on how to make a fake sweetie.
- Remember, if he is playing with you, let go. If you don't let go, he'll become a cannon and smash your heart to a billion pieces. That memory will kill you, haunt you for the rest of your life, and give you nightmare.
- Move on because if he did it once he will do it once again.
Warnings
- Don't ask his friends about him.
- Don't talk to other people about him at all.
- Tell your best friends only.
- Never tell him you like him.
Things You'll Need
- Something to write with.
- Notebook.
