Feel Good Alone in Your 50s
Ever wonder how to fill all your spare time now that you are "50ish and free"? Things didn't turn out the way we thought they would, and now here you are. Cheer up––this should be a good time of your life and it's part attitude plus a whole lot of action that will get you out of any slump.
Contents
Steps
Reaching acceptance
- Acceptance is key. Yes, you are on our own. However, this does not mean that you need to be alone. There is a difference between being on your own and being lonely; what you choose to do and who you choose to see will make all the difference.
- Be willing to make plans. Accepting your situation allows you to do something about it. Making plans for the future, which could be another four decades or so, is a vital activity for giving you back a sense of direction and purpose.
- Realize that cultural messages about age are not destiny. While men in their 50s may be considered esteemed and a "good catch", women in this age group often feel invisible and less desirable. Media messaging reinforces the invisibility of older women, through such things as pairing older men with very young co-stars in Hollywood movies, rampant coverage of young female starlets in magazines, yet not showing older women anywhere near as much, while showing older men well into their 90s as powerful and even sexy, and so forth. These are images principally pushed by the advertising and entertainment industries and they do not reflect reality. Whatever your gender and age, you remain an important and valued member of society. Do not allow yourself to feel devalued by the incessant drive to sell aspirational products and lifestyles.
- Let go of negative thoughts. Embrace this time of your life. Be positive about everything. Smile at everyone.Your life will change and become full of love.
Making friends
- Make friends with people who are close to your age. Look for friends with people of your own gender first. Then consider finding friendships with people of the opposite gender, without having romantic pressure. Let what may be come of its own accord. In time, romance may blossom with someone you've reached out to.
- Women may feel that this stage of life turns into a competition for the best guy out there. However, realize that you're all feeling vulnerable and there can be strength in joining together and supporting one another. Just soften a tiny bit and open up to other women who are feeling just as vulnerable as you are; they just have a weird way of showing it.
- Join clubs, hobby groups and other groups. This way, you will meet people with similar interests, from all walks of life. When you share an interest with others, age does not matter, so you have the chance to make friends across age groups and to learn from each other.
- Be very careful if you participate in online dating. It can be depressing and bad for the soul if you feel rejected on it often. In your age group, there is also a risk of coming across people who are misfits and worst of all, married! If you want to find people through this means, be very selective and use your decades of experience to root out the suspicious ones. When actually dating, sum up the date quickly, so that you don't over-invest yourself in somebody who is just going to suck you dry or be a complete loss. That said, it is possible to find someone you really connect with through online dating, so don't dismiss it; it has become the norm for many people now.
Staying healthy and good looking
- Go through your wardrobe systematically. Donate every piece of clothing that does not make you feel attractive and stylish. Buy fashion magazines, watch what people are wearing and make it a plan to be "on the cutting edge". Don't go over the top - watch it. But dress appropriately for your figure and add lots of color - scarves, shoes, accessories, ties, etc. Have fun and stay stylish.
- Spend time looking after yourself. Get a massage, shop for organic fruit and vegetables. Check out vitamins. Buy personal grooming products that are also organic and not full of chemicals.
- Find a doctor you like and cultivate a good relationship. Your health is paramount from this point onward. Don't be intimidated by your doctor. If something is bothering you, don't give up. There are lots of doctors out there. Find a good one.
Staying active and involved
- Keep busy. Take up dancing, join a walking group or buy yourself a bicycle and join a bike club. There is a club for every activity you can think of. Do some research and go for it. You can decide to be miserable or you can decide to move ahead.
- Get passionate about a cause and spend time volunteering. Do research online and pick a cause. Meet real people doing real things to help this planet.
- Introduce yourself to your local library. It's a gold mine. Get to know the staff and invite them to help you find books and resources. You won't believe how much fun the library can be. Plus, there are lots of potential friends at the library.
- Be interested in the world around you. Read the newspaper every now and then and watch a bit of the news every day. Not too much. It can be a little depressing. However, it helps to stay informed and aware of what is going on.
- Visit places. If you live in or near a city, explore it. You could take a walking, cycling or Segway tour of areas of the city. Learn its history in depth.
- Get out and enjoy the art your community has to offer. Attend more theater, orchestras, cinema, shows and talks. Even movies by yourself can be fun.
- Travel. Go and see new places. There is nothing quite like travel to rejuvenate tired outlooks on life. You will return reinvigorated and ready to try new things. Plus, you may make many new friends and some of them might come and visit you.
- Visit relatives, long lost friends and other people when you travel. Catch up with people you haven't seen in ages. The way their lives have turned out might give you much perspective.
- Get a pet. If you don't already have a pet, consider getting one. When you're alone, the companionship is invaluable. Plus, many pets need a lot of interaction to ensure their happiness, which feeds your happiness too.
- Dogs need exercise daily. Walking your dog twice a day for 30 minutes will get both of you out of the house and can improve your fitness. You may even meet new people!
- Return to school. Do a night course or a whole degree, whatever you feel would extend your knowledge and give you a new outlook on life. Maybe you would even like to change your career; this could be a way to meet both your need for change and for finding new sources of friendships.
Tips
- Set your boundaries and stick to them. If you are tired, say no. If you are unhappy, let people know. This is actually a great time of life to put yourself first, in a considerate way.
- Life is precious. Whatever your age, it is good to be alive.
- If you find that you're not coping with the transition to this stage in your life––the dead middle of middle age––then it might be a good idea to see a therapist. Being unhappy all the time will make your life miserable and a therapist can help you to develop strategies to overcome feeling this way all the time. You may also resolve issues from the past and find yourself feeling a lot freer than ever before.
- Your age does not define you; your attitude does.
Warnings
- Watch your money carefully. Avoid shopping just because you are depressed. Set a budget and stick to it. Poverty in older age is very difficult, if not impossible, to rectify.
- Stay away from people who are stuck in their own self pity. Don't take on needy people unless you're prepared for giving them some tough love.
- Be very careful with online dating. However, recognize too that many people meet and marry through online dating sites, quite safely and happily.
