Get Through Hardships During High School Years

High school is a very tumultuous time for most teenagers. It’s a complex period of years when you’re trying to balance a lot of new experiences. Although there are some perks that come with being older, there are some things that are a bit stressful too. Whether it’s dealing with peer pressure, managing your new-found emotions, or trying to get along better with your parents; there are things that you can do that will help.

Steps

Managing Your Emotions

  1. Identify the specific emotion that you are experiencing. It really helps if you are able to put a name to your feelings.[1] For example, are you feeling angry, sad, jealous, scared, depressed, happy, confused, or some other emotion?
    • Try using a journal to keep track of how you’re feeling. Your emotions may vary throughout the day and you want to keep track of them to see if there are any patterns. Note the time of day the emotion occurs, who was present, where you were, and what happened before and after you started to feel that way.
    • Different emotions can sometimes feel very similar. For example, you may experience anger when you’re really pretty sad about something. Ask yourself “why” you’re feeling a certain way so that you can really figure out what you’re experiencing.
    • For example, if you are mad at your ex-boyfriend for ending the relationship, you may ask yourself, “Why am I mad?” You may realize that you’re actually more sad then you are mad.
  2. Remind yourself that your emotions are okay. Never make your feelings wrong and don’t try to hide them. Sometimes people think that accepting an emotion will make them feel worse, when really it’s a part of the healing process. Avoiding the emotion is what may actually make you feel worse over the long haul.[1] Instead, try saying out loud to yourself, “It is okay that I am feeling ____.”
  3. Express what you are feeling. Allowing yourself to express what you are feeling is a great way to begin the releasing process. Here are some things that you can do to release what you are feeling:[1]
    • Writing your feelings down helps to release the emotions through paper. Try journaling.
    • Talking to someone that you trust allows you to verbally release the emotions. At home this may be a parent or older sibling. At school, it may be best to approach a favorite teacher or your school counselor.
    • Exercising allows you to use your physical body to express and release emotions.
    • Crying helps you release those emotions that have been pent up for so long.
  4. Find ways to cope. Once you have identified your emotions, accepted them, and began the process of releasing them, it’s time to use some coping strategies to feel better. These coping techniques should focus on helping you take care of yourself in a healthy way.[1] Some people enjoy pampering themselves while others love to use exercise as a stress reducer. Find something that you can do to self-soothe and be sure to do that daily.
    • As you journal your emotions you may see a pattern begin to emerge. For example, you might notice that you’re sad when you go to a particular place or you get jealous a lot when you’re with a specific person. Your coping strategies should include avoiding these triggers whenever possible.
    • If you can’t identify a specific source of your feelings then you may be dealing with symptoms of a mood disorder such as depression or anxiety. For example, if you find that you’re always angry in the morning, but you don’t know why, then you should probably see a mental health professional.
    • If you feel like the emotions are overwhelming or if you feel like hurting/killing yourself, then you should seek help from a trusted adult such as a parent, teacher, counselor, or minister immediately. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1 (800) 273-8255.

Dealing with Peer Pressure

  1. Don’t be afraid to say no. Keep in mind that peer pressure isn’t always a bad thing.[2] The desire to make friends and fit in with your peers is completely normal. However, when your friends try to convince you to do something that you know isn’t right, then it's time to stick to your morals and simply tell your friends no. It can be hard sometimes, but the consequences could far outweigh your friends being a little upset with you.
    • Always consider the possible consequences before you do anything. For instance, you might ask yourself, “what if the police arrived at the house party and catch me drinking?” or “what would happen if I have sex and get an STD or become pregnant?” If the cons outweigh the pros, then you should let your friends know that you’re not interested.
    • Your friends may say things to try to convince you to participate even after you’ve said no. They may say “You’re a chicken” or call you names. At that point, it’s probably best to leave and go home.
  2. Remind yourself of your strengths. Many teenagers fall prey to peer pressure because of struggles with self-esteem.[2] Many teens temporarily succumb to peer pressure in an effort to feel accepted by friends. After all, who wants to feel left out? However, it’s important for you to be the leader rather than the follower. When you find yourself questioning who you are and what you stand for, remind yourself of all of your great attributes.
    • These attributes are both internal and external. So yes, be sure to include your amazing talents and accomplishments but also consider your other assets as well. This could include your unique personality traits, the way that you always demonstrate kindness, your creativity, your ability to listen well, or anything else that demonstrates how amazing you are.
  3. Tell your friends that your parents will not let you have permission. If you find yourself in a situation where your friends are pressuring you to do something that you don’t want to do, it’s okay to tell them that you can’t participate because of your parents. Avoid lashing out or sounding mad at your parents, though. Always talk calmly and reasonably, and have a mature attitude. [3] You absolutely would be telling the truth because your parents would not want you to do anything that is harmful to yourself or others. To get out of that sticky situation, you could say things like:
    • “My mom wants me to come home now.”
    • “My dad will ground me for two months if I even think about doing that!”
    • “My mom said that if she ever caught me doing _____ that I wouldn’t be able to come outside again for a month.”
  4. Choose healthy relationships. Spend time around other kids who share your same values and morals. When you spend time around positive peers, they are less likely to try to influence you to engage in risky behavior.[2]
    • Get involved in healthy activities where you can make friends with kids who have good values and high self-esteem. Sports teams, church groups, and extracurricular activities are great places to find like-minded friends.
    • You may never be totally immune from peer pressure even if you have great friends. Remember, it’s ultimately up to you to make wise decisions.

Dealing with Bullies

  1. Understand why bullies bully. Bullies typically bully other people because of issues that are going on in their own lives. Unfortunately, they have trouble dealing with their own problems so they project their unhappiness onto you. However, it’s important for you to know that the bullying isn’t really about you. You have many wonderful characteristics, regardless of what a bully may say. She’s probably bullying you for one of the following reasons:[4]
    • A desire to feel powerful
    • Jealousy
    • To look tough in front of others
    • To feel powerful
    • To escape her own internal pain
    • She’s being bullied herself
  2. Stay in control. The easiest thing to do is to simply walk away from the bully. You can also remain where you are and ignore her. Alternatively, you can stand up for yourself by calmly telling the bully that you are not interested in what she has to say. The most important thing at this point is to keep your cool. You don’t want to react emotionally and run the risk of responding with aggression.
    • Responding to a bully with humor will often make you a less interesting target for her. Humorous responses often results in the bully losing interest, which means that she may stop targeting you.
    • Be sure that you keep yourself safe. Not responding aggressively does not mean that you should allow yourself to be in an unsafe situation. If you are being physically hurt, it’s okay to protect yourself so that you can remove yourself from that unsafe situation.[4]
  3. Report the situation to a trusted adult. If a bully is not confronted about her behavior, she may become more and more aggressive toward you. It’s very important for you to get a trusted adult involved so that things do not escalate.[5]
    • Be relentless in making the bullying stop. Report each and every incident of bullying until it no longer occurs. Never be ashamed to get help. You’re probably not the only one being bullied but you can help put an end to it.
    • Most of the time adults can find solutions to the problem without letting the bully know that you told on her. Some solutions could be changing your classes or changing your seat in class. The person who is bullying you may receive other disciplinary actions a well.
    • If you witness bullying occurring to someone else, you should report that as well. No one deserves to be bullied.
  4. Change your perspective. Remind yourself that the bully is just an unhappy person who is trying to make you as miserable as she is.[4] When you think of it from this perspective, the bullying loses some of its power. Remember, don’t allow the bully to control your emotions.
    • Create a list of all of the positive attributes about yourself. You can also include all the good things that are going on in your life. Whenever you’re feeling down, you can focus on that list.
    • Try not to make the situation worse by dwelling on the incident and constantly replaying it in your head. Instead, focus on the positive things that happened during the day.
  5. Get the support that you need. Be sure to talk about your experiences. Although you don’t want to dwell on the bullying all day, it is important that you have the opportunity to express your feelings. You can talk to a parent, family member, teacher, counselor, clergyman or friend. Talking about it will likely help you feel much better.[4]
    • Give yourself time to heal. Being bullied is a pretty traumatic experience. Talking about it will help but it may take a bit of time before you feel back to normal again.
    • It’s okay to seek help from a professional if you notice that you’re having a hard time dealing with feelings of anger, hurt, or other negative emotions.
  6. Become active. Volunteering is a great way to let go of the feelings of helplessness that may occur after being bullied.[4] You may want to reach out to other teenagers or younger kids who have been bullied or maybe become active in your school’s anti-bullying campaign. It doesn’t matter what you choose to do, however it’s important to regain a sense of control by becoming active.

Having Difficult Conversations with Your Parents or Caregivers

  1. Talk to your parents before difficulties arise. Make it a point to talk to your parents every day. There is no specific topic that you have to focus on; just mundane trivial things are fine. Tell them about something funny that happened in school or about how you did on your history test. Try to make the conversations fun and enjoyable. Creating this bond now will make it much easier to approach them about more serious topics later on.[6]
    • It’s never too late to start working on this bond. Even if you and your parents have struggled in the past, you can start talking to them now.
    • Your parents want to know more about what is going on in your life. This is an opportunity for both you and your parents to enjoy one another’s company.
  2. Choose a good time to talk. Try to approach your parent when she is not busy doing something else.[7] Ask to tag along with mom and dad when they are going on an errand or maybe suggest going for a walk. These are great times to talk.
    • A good way to get the conversation started is by saying, “Mom, is this a good time to talk?” or “Dad, can we talk?”
  3. Know the outcome that you want from the conversation. It’s important to know exactly what it is that you want to achieve from this conversation. Keep in mind that you’ll probably want one of four things from your parents: Permission or support to do something; advice or help with an issue; to be heard or understood without receiving advice or any feedback; or for them to lovingly guide you back on the right path if you’ve gotten yourself into trouble.[6] Be sure to communicate what you need from your parents at the very beginning of the conversation.
    • You could say something like, “Mom, I want to tell you what is bothering me. I'm not necessarily seeking advice; I'd just like to talk about what is troubling me". Or you could say, “Dad, I’d really like permission to go on a trip with a friend to the mountains next weekend. Can I tell you about it?”
    • Bringing up difficult topics can be stressful so it’s okay to write down points that you don’t want to forget. You can refer to your notes during the conversation.
  4. Tell your parents what you’re feeling. Sometimes difficult topics produce strong emotions that might prevent you from wanting to talk to your parents. You may be scared or embarrassed to have the discussion. However, don’t let that stop you from having the conversation. Instead, tell your parents what your feeling as a part of the conversation.[6]
    • For example, you could say, “I want to talk to you about something that is going on but I’m afraid that you’ll be angry with me.” Similarly you could say, “I’m scared to talk about this because it’s kind of embarrassing.”
    • If you’re afraid that your parents may be critical or very angry, you might say something like, “I have to tell you something that may make you angry or disappoint you. I am very sorry for what I did but I have to tell you about it. Can you hear me out for a few minutes?”
  5. Disagree respectfully. You won’t always see eye to eye with your parents about every issue. However, it’s important to communicate your thoughts in a respectful manner. Here are some strategies to try to keep the conversation respectful:[8]
    • Remain calm and avoid derogatory comments. Instead of saying “You’re so unfair” and “I hate you,” you could say, “Mom, I disagree and here’s why…”
    • Don’t make it personal. Remind yourself that you are mad at the concept or the decision, not your parent, per se.
    • Use “I” statements instead of “You” statements. For instance, instead of saying, “You don’t ever trust me to do anything” you could say “I feel like I’m mature enough to date. I was thinking maybe I could start out by going on group dates.”
    • Try to understand the decision from your parents’ point of view. When you communicate that you understand them then they may be more likely to try to look at situations from your perspective as well.
  6. Accept the decision. Your parents generally have your best interest at heart which means that they won’t always be able to say yes. They may listen, try to be supportive, and guide you as lovingly as possible. However, it’s important to know that you won’t always get a yes. During these times, receive the no gracefully. Use a respectful tone and try not to argue or whine. Responding this way takes a lot of maturity; and when they see that you are behaving in a mature manner they may be more inclined to say yes the next time.[6]
    • When you’re disappointed, sometimes it’s difficult to respond gracefully. It might be a good idea to remover yourself for a while to go blow off some steam. Try going for a walk or jog, cry, hit your pillow, vent to a friend, or do any other constructive activity that will help you blow off some steam.
    • If your parents are unable to sufficiently meet your emotional needs when you need support, then try seeking support and guidance from another trusted adult. A teacher, minister, guidance counselor, or relative may be good options.

Tips

  • When choosing a coping strategy, try asking yourself what you need right now to feel better. Sometimes it’s something small like a nap while other times you might need to call your therapist.
  • If a bully is targeting you for your belongings, it may be a good idea to leave the bait at home. For example, if the bully always asks you for your money, try leaving your money at home. If you typically bring lunch money, start bringing a packed lunch. Leaving your electronic gadgets at home might be a good idea as well.
  • When having difficult conversations with your parents or caregivers, try to be as direct as possible. Be sure to give details so that they can better understand the situation.
  • Always be honest with your parents. This helps to build trust and it’s easier to communicate when trust has been established.
  • Make sure that your special code word is easy to remember and one that won’t seem odd or unusual to your peers.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/07/20/techniques-for-teens-how-to-cope-with-your-emotions/
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/helping-kids-handle-peer-pressure-topic-overview?page=2
  3. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/helping-kids-handle-peer-pressure-topic-overview?page=2
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 4.2 4.3 4.4 http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/dealing-with-bullying.htm
  5. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/dealing-with-bullying.htm
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 6.2 6.3 http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/talk_to_parents.html#
  7. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/talk_to_parents.html#
  8. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/tips_disagree.html?tracking=T_RelatedArticle
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