Get Your Mom to Forgive You After You Do Something Stupid

At some point in your life, whether as a kid, teen, or young adult, you are going to do something stupid that makes your mom or dad mad, but this article is about making your mom forgive you. Sometimes, a simple apology won't work, and you need to work a little harder to earn your mother's forgiveness. However, you can up your apology, be respectful, and be on your best behavior to help your mother get over whatever you did.

Steps

Making a Sincere Apology

  1. Apologize in person. No matter what, don't try to apologize by text or email. Talking to someone in an emotionally charged situation is difficult, but owning up to what you did will help her to see you are sincere.
  2. Be sincere. Use a respectful tone, and say your apology in a clear voice. Mumbling implies that you aren't owning up to what you did.
    • If you don't know how to begin, say something like the following statement: "I am truly sorry that I upset you. I know I shouldn't get into fights with George. I let my temper get the best of me, but I really want to do better. I hope you can forgive me."
  3. Tell the truth. Sometimes, you'll want to lie but don't, but you'll only be caught further if you do it again.. You'll be in even worse trouble then, and you'll have a harder time getting your mother to forgive you.
  4. Don't try to talk to her in the heat of the moment. Let her cool down a little bit. Approach her later when she's had a chance to think. Most importantly do not argue, it only makes things worse.
  5. Choose a good time. Don't try to apologize while she is distracted by something else, like cooking dinner. Catch her in a quiet moment, and ask if you can talk to her for a minute.[1]
    • Understand if she doesn't want to listen to you. She may not be ready to hear what you have to say. Wait awhile, and ask again.
  6. Don't wait too long. That is, you have to own up to what you did in a timely manner. If you wait too long, your mother will think that you don't feel ashamed for what you did.
  7. Listen to what she says. Truly listen, and try to take in why she thinks you did wrong. The only way you can apologize for what you did is to understand why she's mad. Therefore, put yourself in her shoes. She's trying to help you grow as a person, so try to see it her way.[1]
  8. Don't pull other incidents into the topic at hand. Don't bring up what your sibling did or what's happened in the past. You'll only remind her of other bad incidents and make her angrier.[2]
    • For instance, don't say, "But Tracy stayed out last week and didn't get punished! Why are you mad at me and not her?" Bringing up the past incident will only stir up more feelings. Instead, say something like, "I know you're angry, and I really shouldn't have stayed out late. I'm truly sorry."
  9. Don't use excuses about what you did. Excuses undermine the apology because they make it look like you are passing the blame to someone or something else. You need to accept that you did something wrong if you want your mother to forgive you.
    • For example, instead of saying, "I didn't stay out that late, and besides, it was only because I was trying to drop off my friend." say something like "I know I stayed out too late, and I'm sorry. I'll try to manage my time better next time by leaving the party earlier."
  10. Try to fix the mistake. An apology goes a long way but attempting to fix the situation is even better.[3]
    • For example, if you broke something, try to fix it or replace it. If you yelled at your sister, be extra nice to her, and show her you care.
  11. Apologize in writing. This step may seem contrary to "Apologize in person," but you should apologize in writing in addition to apologizing in person. Also, you shouldn't use email or text for this apology. Write your mother a handwritten letter about your mistake and how you can do better in the future. A handwritten note takes some thought and time, and your mom will appreciate your thoughtfulness. If you are a good artist, you could also embellish your letter with a couple of small drawing you know she'll appreciate.
    • You could write something like the following: "Dear Mom, I know you're upset that I got into a fight with Jane. I know you want us to have the relationship that you never had with your sister, and I appreciate that. I love Jane to bits, even though she drives me crazy sometimes. I am the older one, and I should be more mature when she tries to annoy me on purpose. I understand that relationships take work, and you're only trying to prepare me for the ones I have in the future, as well as help me to develop a strong, lasting relationship with Jane. I'll try to keep the peace in the future; really, I will. I love you bunches, and I hope you can forgive me. Love, Joy."
  12. Understand that forgiveness takes time. Sometimes, your mom may forgive you quickly, but other times, it may take a while. In fact, some psychologists say there are stages to forgiveness, just like there are to grief. Your mom may go through denial, bargaining, anger, and depression before acceptance and forgiveness, though she may not go in order or even go through all those stages. Regardless, remember you must work to earn her forgiveness and trust back.[3]
  13. Know she's not perfect, either. She's made mistakes, and she may even be angry at you longer than you deserve.
    • Sometimes moms are mad for other reasons. It's not always just your fault. Just like you may take out having a bad day on your sister, your mom may let her emotions get the better of her when she's had a bad day (or week!), too.

Showing You're Sorry by Being on Your Best Behavior

  1. Follow the rules. You don't want to make her madder by incurring another infraction on your record. So obey the house rules, and go above and beyond them .If you get the chance to be helpful, don't blow it away; be helpful.
  2. Work together, not against each other. Ask her to help you come up with a plan for better behavior in the future.[4]
    • For example, maybe your issue is you're always late coming home. Ask her to help you come up with ways to fix the problem. Maybe you could set your phone with an alarm to 30 minutes before you're supposed to be home, and ask her to help you remember to set it when you're going out.
  3. Stay calm. Don't go and make big decisions like moving out or running away. You're probably mad that you're in trouble, and you may even feel like your mother doesn't care about you. However, her being angry shows that she cares enough to want what's best for you. She only wants you to do better. If you're feeling isolated, try talking to a friend, a different parent, or a sibling if you need to let off some steam.
  4. Don't make the same mistake again. If you keep making the same mistake over and over again, your mother will start to doubt the sincerity of your apology.
  5. Pick up extra chores. Take out the trash without being asked. Do some extra laundry. Offer to babysit or go grocery shopping. Cook dinner before your mom has a chance to do so. Your mom will notice that you are trying to make things right.
  6. Do nice things for your mom. Bring her breakfast in bed. Pick some flowers for her. Make her a card or a picture she can take to work. Let her know that you love her.
  7. Do things with her you know she likes. Go to the park with her even if you don't feel like it, or ask her to go to the library with you.
  8. Be affectionate, not sullen. Being affectionate will show her you care and want to do better.[1]

Being Respectful

  1. Show you're listening. When she's lecturing and talking to you, listen attentively, and don't talk back. Accept that you are in the wrong, and that she has the right to lecture you.
  2. Don't ignore her. She's only trying to help, and if she wants to talk to you, take the time to listen. Respond to what she's saying and take the time to think about it. You can even reassure her that such an incident will not repeat at the end of your talk, so she knows you thought about it and your apology is genuine.
  3. Use a respectful tone. When you do answer her questions, don't get an attitude about it. Just answer calmly, directly, and truthfully.
    • For instance, if your mom says, "What were you thinking?" don't say, "I don't know, obviously I'm an idiot" in a sarcastic tone. Try something more along the lines of "I guess I wasn't thinking very clearly. I'll try to do better next time."
  4. Accept your punishment without complaining. Doing so will show her you respect her decision.
    • Your mom isn't yelling at you because she dislikes you or hates you. She cares about you, and she doesn't want you making bad choices which will have an impact on your future. She wants you to be safe and learn to be a better person.[1]
  5. Be mature. Don't be mean, or fling hateful insults. Don't stomp or slam doors. You'll only make her angrier, and later, you'll be sad you acted that way.[5]
    • In addition, your mom will respect your maturity and may forgive you faster.
    • If she says, "You always say that and don't follow through!" don't argue. Say you understand, and ask for her help in trying to do better in the future.

Tips

  • Don't avoid her, but if she's really mad at you and doesn't want you around, make yourself scarce.
  • Enlist the help of your other parent or your siblings. Sometimes they can talk to your mom and help her forgive you.
  • Do not yell at your mother.
  • When you've done something you regret, rather than cry, show you're sorry by changing your actions. Your Mom will notice the change. Also, always say you're sorry. Even though she may not believe you after a while, she will still want to hear the words. And, don't forget, actions speak louder than words, so, change your behavior!
  • Understand that she loves you and say that you love her too with all your heart.
  • Don't talk back, because then forgiving her will take a long time.
  • If you've done something wrong don't make an excuse about it; talk it out! This can help her understand your point of view.
  • Be nice to her.
  • Don't go off and snit. Talk to her.
  • Bring her a gift or write a card to say sorry.
  • When asking for forgiveness don't put like "I know you angry" that's like saying "I know you don't love me cause of this" trust me she just got even more upset that I said that say something like "I know you're disappointed in me" and of course add on "I'm sorry, will you forgive me?"
  • Try always to help her in hard times. Also, help her with her chores, so that she begins to believe that you have learned your lesson for what you have done.
  • Go to a place you both enjoy and where you usually can forgive each other easily; the beach.
  • Do something that would make her happy, she would appreciate it.
  • Don't say sorry too much, she may get irritated and think your lying.
  • If you feel your mum has been blaming you too much for things, talk it over with her and tell her how you feel. You may not want your mother to feel upset or angry but it might make things better.
  • Make it up to her for instance if you ate something and it was someone else's try to make it again and give it to the person it belongs to.
  • Make her something or buy her something to apologise for your behaviour and let her know you feel bad and that you were out of line.
  • Don't say anything if she's still talking.
  • Stay calm and talk things out.
  • If you argue about something stupid like "you need to get dressed" but your mom says "I need something in your room first" tell her you're in a hurry, if that doesn't work, then let her in and let her get it.
  • Say sorry, but not too many times.
  • Do something like chores without your mom telling you and make sure you doing stuff that you are going to do in front of your mom and your mom will smile and she will not say anything and if you don't do something nice that you are going to do as doing dishes,vacuuming,laundry, she won't know and she will still hate you.
  • Show your mom and thoughtful gesture like giving her a gift.
  • Make sure she isn't already frustrated with something else.
  • Try to request to your mother to keep her argument with you private. Other family members just discourage you.
  • Let her have some time to herself and then talk to her.
  • Don't ask for anything for about a day or two.
  • While you're in a argument...Don't yell at her or talk back. Just stay calm and let her talk before you can react at the end.
  • Wait until she has finished talking, otherwise she will add that you are disrespectful to her argument.
  • You'll realize your mistake and feel uncomfortable. It's best if you and your mom calm down, THEN apologize to her.
  • Don't try to injure her in any way. This is a bad idea. Don't be violent.
  • Give her the space she needs, and try no to annoy or anger her again.

Warnings

  • Don't say bad words to your mother.
  • Don't try to make excuses, as it will only make the situation worse.
  • Never ever do bad things to your mother after she yelled at you. (ex.locking her out, breaking her reading glasses, etc.) It'll just make things worse.
  • Never try and run away.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&np=282&id=2535
  2. ↑ Child and Youth Health
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201110/can-you-forgive
  4. ↑ http://www.pbs.org/wholechild/parents/getting.html
  5. ↑ http://www.safeteens.org/relationships/getting-along-with-your-parents/
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