Get Your Two Year Old to Stop Crying and Go to Sleep Alone

Many parents of toddlers quickly come to realize that there is a reason why it’s called “The Terrible Twos”. In addition to the common two year old challenges, some parents have a difficult time getting their two year old to go to sleep alone at night. By the age of two, toddlers have grown accustomed to their usual bedtime ritual, and any change to that routine is likely to be met with resistance. There are, however, some simple steps that parents can follow to get their two year old to stop crying and fighting, and go to sleep alone each night.

Steps

1. Avoid the “Cry-it-Out” technique. Refrain from allowing your toddler to cry it out. Once your two year old cries to the point where he is inconsolable, it becomes increasingly difficult for him to stop crying. Children at this age do not understand how to regulate their emotions, and if left alone to cry at night rather than being consoled, it can lead to feelings of abandonment. For children who are high-spirited, this can also be a result of producing less serotonin than what is produced by calmer, less intense children. Sure, your toddler may eventually stop crying and fall asleep, but it is likely to be form pure exhaustion, and not because he has learned to adjust to a bedtime routine.
2. Make sure your toddler engages in plenty of physical activity during the day. Two year olds are a bundle of energy. If they are not provided the opportunity to use that energy during the day, it is likely that the energy will still be there when it is time for bed. Excess energy and an early bedtime simply do not mix. Also, regular physical activity helps to increase serotonin levels in the body.
   • Take him outside to play in the fresh air if weather permits. If he does not have a backyard to play in, take him to a local park or school playground. Even a simple walk around the block can help him use up his energy.
   • Encourage your toddler to play with toys actively. Even the simplest activity uses energy, so offer up lots of hands on activities that are age appropriate. Coloring books, modeling dough, building blocks and finger paints are all creative activities that two year olds generally enjoy.
3. Be careful not to provide too much physical activity, which can overstimulate your toddler. Energy-draining activities all day long can increase the amount of cortisol, a stress hormone, in the body. When cortisol levels are elevated, it can interfere with bedtime and inhibit sleep. In general, it is best to include no more than one large energy-consuming activity in a day. For example, if you are going shopping for 3 hours at a busy mall, it’s probably best to postpone a trip to the zoo or a play date with another child for a different day.
4. Refrain from allowing your toddler to sit and watch television for too long. Television viewing is not recommended for children under the age of three. That is largely because it can interfere with the way their brains process information, and may possibly lead to the development of ADD/ADHD. Although this theory has not been proven, it is gaining popularity among health care professionals, including pediatricians and child psychologists. What is proven, however, is that many young children who view television experience a surge in stress hormones, which can linger all day and interfere with sleep at bedtime.
5. Take your toddler’s activity level down a notch during the late afternoon and early evening hours. Calm your child down about an hour or so before dinner time. Make the switch from wild, unharnessed play to calming activities such as reading a book, singing songs or engaging in imaginative play with toys.
   • If the television or stereo is on throughout the day, shut it off just before dinner and do not turn it back on again until after your toddler has gone to bed. Eliminating distractions like this can help your toddler calm down.
   • Give your child a warm bath after dinner to help calm both his mind and his body. Try adding some lavender soap or use a lavender-infused shampoo, which has calming properties.
6. Try to stick with the same routine before bed every night. This will help your two year old quickly learn what is expected of him at bedtime. After just a week of doing the same activities before bed, most children will adjust to their new routine and come to expect it each night. Decide on a bedtime and make sure you start your nightly routine at the same time each night.
7. Do whatever works for you, your child and your schedule. If you only have one child, you will likely have an easier time incorporating things into a bedtime routine that if you have multiple children. For example, with only one child, a walk around the block in the stroller is probably a simple enough task. However, if you have other children who have their own nightly routines, not to mention homework and extracurricular activities, a nightly stroller walk may be out of the question.
8. Keep the bedtime routine simple. Two year olds can only comprehend so much. If their bedtime routine contains multiple steps they can become overwhelmed, which can backfire at bedtime. A bath, a small glass of warm milk followed by teeth-brushing and a bedtime story is a simple bedtime routine that can easily be followed every night.
9. Stay within your toddler’s sight when he is adjusting to his new bedtime routine. This can help your two year old feel secure while transitioning to going to sleep on his own.
   • Stay in his room and perform some simple, silent tasks while he lies in his crib or bed. Fold laundry, balance a checkbook, go through the mail or simply read a book.
   • Explain to your toddler that you will remain in the room with him until he falls asleep, but that it is bedtime and not time to play or talk. Let him know that you are there to keep him company while he tries to go to sleep.
   • Do this every night. Eventually, your toddler’s sense of security will improve, and he will likely require less time to fall asleep at night.
10. Let your toddler make decisions each night as part of his bedtime routine. Limit his options to keep his choices simple.
    • Let him decide which story he would like to read at bedtime. Allowing him to choose one book out of two or three options will make him feel as if he is in some control. Asking him to select one book off a shelf of 20 books, however, can be overwhelming.
    • Lay out two sets of pajamas on the bed and allow your toddler to choose which pair he wants to wear each night.
    • During bath time, ask him which songs he would like to sing.
11. Give your child other, limited options for going to bed, such as “Do you want to go to bed now or in 10 minutes?”. He is likely to choose 10 minutes, but giving him the option makes him feel more in control of his bedtime, which can cut back on nightly power struggles. Refrain from engaging in power struggles with your toddler. Once you set a rule, it is important that you stick with that rule and follow through.
12. Avoid giving in to your toddler’s cries and pleads to postpone bedtime. If you give in just once, you are indirectly communicating to your toddler that rules can be broken. A two year old cannot comprehend special allowances like an older child can, so he will only learn that he can cry and bargain to get what he wants each night.
13. Remain calm at all times. It can be frustrating dealing with crying toddlers who refuse to go to sleep at night. It is important that you remain in control and never lose your temper. Don’t yell or raise your voice, but do communicate your rules in a firm yet gentle tone.
14. Ignore temper tantrums and crying fits. Acknowledging them, in any way, shows your toddler that you his efforts to get your attention are working. Even negative attention is attention, so it is best to avoid acknowledging tantrums altogether.

Tips

• Developing an effective bedtime routine for toddler can be a daunting task. Two year olds are set in their ways and do not generally take well to changes. Remember that it will take time for him to adjust to his new bedtime routine. Be patient and understand that these things take time, but your toddler will eventually learn to accept the changes and will go to sleep on his own without crying.
• Toddlers are notorious for engaging in power struggles with their parents. Parents need to choose their battles, and bedtime may not be the best time to try to lay down the law. Offering your toddler simple choices at bedtime can help him feel empowered and ease bedtime frustrations.
• The Cry-it-Out technique was once common among new parents thanks to a popular book written by a pediatrician who sang the praises of this type of sleep training. Although some doctors still advocate this type of sleep training, many pediatricians and health care professionals agree that allowing a child to cry-it-out can have negative consequences.

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Sources and Citations

• http://www.babycenter.com/404_how-can-i-get-my-spirited-toddler-to-go-to-bed-and-end-these_11623.bc
• http://www.babycenter.com/0_what-the-experts-say-getting-your-toddler-to-sleep_1294090.bc
• http://www.parents.com/kids/sleep/10-tips-for-helping-your-child-fall-asleep/

See also

• Deal With Your Young Children When They Interrupt You
• Get a Child to Sit in a Car Seat
• React when Your Child Ignores You
• Know if Your Child Needs Therapy
• Avoid Making Idle Threats to Your Kids
• Give a Spanking
• Discipline an Autistic Child
• Get Your Children Away from TV
• Discipline a Child
• Discipline a Child Effectively Without Spanking

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