Have a Relationship with a Shy Girl

Being in a relationship with a shy girl requires extra care. Here are some strategies that will help your relationship grow.

Steps

Understand that shyness is very common. Over analyzing the situation will probably make things more complicated than they need to be.
Earn her trust. Shy people often feel left on the sidelines, which can make their trust more difficult to earn. Be sure she feels safe with you before you try to move the relationship forward.
Determine what kind of shy your girl is.
- If she talks very little or seems to go blank when spoken to, she may be verbally shy.
- If she withdraws when touched, she may be physically shy.
- If she is outgoing but never lets your relationship get past small talk, she may be cover-up shy.
  - Depending on whether this manifests verbally or physically (or both), use the strategies in the following sections to determine the best course of action.

Take her to a safe, private place. Perhaps she really wants to open up to you but is afraid of being overheard by friends and strangers. Conversations that take place during parties, at restaurants, or even in quiet cafes can make a private person shut down.
Gently initiate a deeper conversation. Be sure to start off with a positive topic (ex. something she's always dreamed of doing or seeing) rather than something that could turn negative (ex. her exes).
- Addressing her by name is a great way to announce that you want to discuss something important. Gauge her reaction to decide whether or not she is up for it and then act accordingly. (Be sure to have a backup topic planned in case she isn't.)
Don't pry. Nothing will scare a shy person away more quickly than confrontation.
- Be especially careful to avoid accusatory language. "Do you want to talk about something?" will go over a lot better than "Why don't you ever talk to me??"
Let her steer the conversation. Once she is comfortable enough to open up to you, give her a chance to talk about what she wants - which is something she probably doesn't get to do very often.
- If she doesn't seem to know how to lead the conversation, keep it going by asking for details on things she has already discussed.

Ease into a physical relationship. Make it very clear that you honor her boundaries.
Initiate physical contact slowly. Good strategies include:
- Briefly touching to her shoulder or forearm.
- Politely guiding her to a chair/door/etc. with your hand on her back.
- Pointing out a piece of lint/twig in her hair and offering to remove it.
Watch and respect her reactions. If they're favorable, you can gradually move on to more intimate gestures, such as tucking her hair behind her ear, holding her hand, or slipping your arm around her waist. If not, give her more time.
Be careful of the vibes you put out. If you give her the impression that you're getting antsy for a more physical relationship, she may feel pressured to move faster than she's comfortable with; if she acts on this, chances are she will end up resenting you.

Make eye contact often when talking to her, if she really trusts you, she will start to look at you more as you talk to her.
Shy people can be emotionally tender, so be kind!
Doing activities you both enjoy might help her open up to you.
Never ask her why she's so shy. She'll probably have heard it before and it may hurt her feelings.
Make sure you don't get too physical in public (as far as kissing or possibly touching if you've gotten that far). She'll most likely push you away or become embarrassed. And if that does happen, don't take it personally, just learn your own mistakes.
Try to make her smile a lot.
Having a shy girlfriend may mean that you'll have to compensate by making a lot of the first moves. This is a major commitment, but this may be the only way to get her to open up to you.
Make the first move. If you wait for her, the relationship will never go anywhere.

Avoid asking her why she's so quiet; she's probably heard it a thousand times.
Dating a shy girl might make you (or her) feel like you're doing most of the work. Try to keep the relationship as balanced as possible to avoid resentment on your part and guilt on hers.