Get Someone to Like You

Are you in a new place and struggling to find friends? This article will give some advice on how to get someone to like you and gain their friendship. If you are looking for a more romantic relationship, check out How to Get a Guy to Like You or How to Get a Girl to Like You instead.

10 Second Summary

  • Stand by your values and beliefs. Be open and honest, and respect yourself. More ↓
  • Find common interests and express yours. ↓
  • Respect them and listen to them. ↓
  • Spend time with them and give them space when needed. ↓
  • Show interest in their hobbies. ↓
  • Give them small gifts and notes to show that you care. ↓

Steps

Staying True

  1. Stand by your values and beliefs. One thing that's distinctive about you is your particular combination of principles and convictions that you hold dear. Those things are at the core of who you are, so it's important to stay true to yourself even in moments of conflict or uncertainty.
    • Conflict is a part of any relationship. You don't have to change who you are to resolve a disagreement. Simply ask that your beliefs be treated with respect and offer that same respect to others.
    • Sticking to your beliefs takes courage. It's not easy to be the one who stands up to a bully or refuses to go along with a harmful or dangerous prank. Being true to yourself might make you unpopular with some people but could also attract those with whom you share common values.
    • Make a list of truths about yourself or create a list of all the people/things that shaped you (your upbringing, your likes/dislikes, your temperament, etc.) and let them remind you of who you are. Use them, too, as jumping off points for conversation or connecting with others.
  2. Be open and honest. It's easier for someone to approach you and, in turn, come to like you, if you're welcoming and genuine. Sending out a friendly, open vibe will help to draw people to you.
    • A "what you see is what you get" approach to making friends can cut through any artificialities and help you connect with people who are drawn to you for who you are. But be careful of appearing inflexible; people are less inclined to try to connect to someone who seems too rigid.
    • Part of being genuine means showing emotion. You may put on a brave face when you're feeling down or try to hide a stressful day from others, but having emotions is something we all share. Let others see you as a real human being.
    • If you're shy and find it difficult to talk to other people, be upfront about that. The good news is that you don't necessarily have to say a lot to have someone enjoy your company. Being a great listener and asking questions that convey a real interest in the other person is one of the best ways to connect.
      • Don't be hard on yourself if you feel you have weak social skills. You may have been busy developing other areas of your life. Remember, a skill is something that can be developed, so you can absolutely improve in this area.
  3. Develop respect for yourself. Having healthy self-respect means you like yourself no matter what. Successes and failures can't change it, and it doesn't depend on how you measure up to others--in fact, you never even compare yourself to others. That's particularly helpful in forming friendships that aren't based on competition or one-up-manship.
    • Self-respect is key to earning respect from others. It's difficult for people to treat you with real regard if you don't treat yourself well or don't think much of yourself.
  4. Maintain good hygiene. When you look good, you feel better, and when you're feeling good you're more likely to put your best self forward.
    • Shower or bathe regularly. Keeping yourself clean conveys that you care about your health and respect your body. If your hair tends to be oily, consider washing it every day (this will also cut down on the chances of acne developing on your forehead); otherwise, every-other day is fine.
    • Use deodorant. While it may be perfectly natural, strong body odor can be a turn-off to others. Using a deodorant or antiperspirant, especially in hot weather or before and after exercising, shows that you care not only about yourself but about the comfort-level of others.
    • Change clothes. Even if it's your favorite t-shirt or pair of jeans, it's important to change out it with some regularity. Clothes absorb and can hold on to body odor, so even if you're taking pains to take care of your hygiene, wearing the same clothes several days in a row will work against you.
    • Maintain good oral hygiene. Brushing and flossing are important for two big reasons: they help prevent cavities and gum disease and they reduce bad breath. It's difficult for people to get close if your breath is less-than-fresh. Mints and gum can all help but brushing and flossing are the best way to combat smelly mouth germs.
  5. Search for common interests. One thing that brings people together are shared interests. Put yourself in situations where you can pursue things you enjoy and meet others who enjoy them, too.
    • Join a club or attend an event. If you like to read, search online or look for signs in coffee shops for a book club in your area. Big fan of cars? Attend local car shows or be part of online discussion groups that focus on automobiles. Shared interests help you to immediately establish common ground with someone.
    • Check Meetup and Craigslist for groups and activities. You might be surprised at the volume and variety of groups out there that focus on a wide range of interests.
    • When you talk to someone, ask open-ended questions to uncover common ground. Instead of saying,"Do you like music?" ask "What are your three favorite bands?" Instead of, "How was your day?" ask "What was the best part of your day today?" Open-ended questions open the door for discovering more about your conversation partner.
    • Volunteer. Find a cause you care about and spend some time supporting it. You'll meet others who share your interest in the same organization and perhaps more.
  6. Express yourself. Whether it means speaking up in a class, sketching wildlife, refinishing a piece of thrift store furniture, expressing yourself by sharing your ideas or your creativity can draw other to you.
    • When you express yourself, you're sharing a part of who you are with others. It provides a great opportunity for others to get to know you through your actions, and they might approach you because of something you've said or done.
    • Not expressing yourself--verbally or non-verbally--can lead to isolation. If you build walls around yourself and refuse to let anything out, people will assume you want to be left alone, and that's what they'll do.

Being Mindful

  1. Show respect for the other person. Being respectful means valuing others and their points of view. You must accept them for who they are and avoid doing anything that would hurt or hinder them. Let's face it: it means treating others the way you want to be treated.
    • Keep your promises. One way to show respect is to do what you say you're going to do. This shows people that you value their time and the fact that they've put their faith in you.
    • Use your manners. Don't interrupt others, say "please" and "thank you," refrain from using profanity if you know it will be upsetting. Having manners show others that you value them and that they deserve your best behavior.
    • Be on time. Everyone is so busy these days, so every minute counts. Be on time for get-togethers or other planned activities to show that you appreciate the time someone is spending with you.
  2. Listen. Conversation is a two-way street; if you spend the whole time talking about yourself, you won't get to know someone better, and the other person will feel as though you don't have an interest in them.
    • People enjoy talking about themselves, so let them. Ask questions to draw people out and let them share things about themselves. You'll get to know them, and they'll like you all the more for having given them your time and attention.
    • Check for understanding. Paraphrase what someone has said back to them to be sure you're clear on what they're sharing. This lets them know that you're truly listening and provides the chance for them to clear up any misunderstandings so that you fully get their message.
    • Avoid interrupting or competing. While it may be tempting to jump in with a comment or to try to top someone's story about a trip they took or a bad day they had, resist the temptation. Keep your focus on the speaker and save your remarks for another time.
    • Listen with your whole body. Make eye contact with the other person, lean forward a bit, nod in agreement or understanding. Most of our communication actually takes place non-verbally, so let your body do some of the listening and the talking for you.
  3. Spend time with the other person. Some people say that "quality" is more important than "quantity," but when it comes to time spent with a friend, they both matter. Set aside time to connect with people you like and want to get to know better.
    • When you give someone your time, it's a clear indication that they're important to you and that you like them. People are drawn to people who like them, so making yourself available in this way increases your likeability.
    • Connections happen over time. The more time you spend with someone the more comfortable you two feel around each other. Getting someone to like you means investing the time that it takes to create that feeling of comfort and familiarity.
  4. Give the other person space. People need time to themselves and space to pursue all of their interests. Rather than overwhelm someone with your friendship, give them the opportunity to seek you out and stay engaged in your own life.
    • Some people are not comfortable with letting new people into their life too quickly. Every friendship moves at its own pace. Let a slower-moving friend set a speed that's comfortable for them.
    • Life circumstances change--someone's mother gets ill, schoolwork or work assignments increase, schedules get readjusted, projects need doing--there are lots of reasons someone needs to back away from spending time together. Respect their needs and don't take it personally.
    • Read the signals. If you're coming on too strong, the other person will let you know--you just have to read the signals. If they seem reluctant to commit to making plans, don't answer or return your phone calls or text messages or even physically back away when you're together--dial down your enthusiasm and back off a bit. You don't want to be perceived as needy, scary or over-eager.
    • It's not just emotional space that people need--they need physical space as well. If you come closer to someone than 18", you've invaded their intimate space, and they may not be comfortable with that. We generally reserve that zone for those closest to us, so be careful of standing too closely to someone.

Going a Step Further

  1. Show the other person that he or she is special. People want know that they matter and that they're worth a little extra effort from time to time.
    • Give a compliment. Express admiration for something about the person. Make your comments genuine and specific. Go one step further and focus on things that are central to their personality "I really admire your courage in that situation" rather that things that are situational "You did a great job of stopping that argument."
    • Lend a hand. There are some dread tasks that we all must face--moving, meeting an impossible deadline, reviving a dead car battery. Making yourself available to help out--even when it's not convenient--can earn you someone's gratitude and affection.
    • Offer support. Freely give you emotional and moral support to someone when they need it. Make them feel valued by always be on their team
  2. Give a small gift occasionally. It's not about "buying" someone's affections; instead, giving a token present can express your interest in someone's well-being or let them know that you're in tune with what's happening in their lives.
    • It really is the thought that counts. When you give someone a little gift, it lets them know that you're thinking of them and that they're important to you.
    • Let your gift reflect life events. A key-chain says, "Congratulations on your new car," a bouquet of flowers can brighten someone's difficult day. Staying focused on what's going on the lives of people you care about can give you ideas for gifts that are meaningful.
    • Make something yourself. You don't have to be a master artist to make a card, decorate a picture frame or bake some cookies. Taking the time to make a gift really expresses your friendship or affection for someone.
  3. Take an interest in the other person's hobbies. While you may have connected with a common interest, chances are you won't share every like, hobby or activity. That's fine....it's good actually because you can get to know a whole other side of a person if you're willing to make a little effort.
    • Attend an event or learn about your friend's hobby. You don't have to become an aficionado yourself, but being able to talk about it intelligently and with some degree of interest shows your friend that they're important to you.
    • Be willing to learn. If you're open to learning something new, go ahead and be the student. Allowing someone to teach you something makes them feel good about themselves and helps to create a bond between the two of you.
    • Even if someone's passions leave you absolutely bored, refrain from putting them down or making fun of the activity. It clearly means something to your friend; therefore, it deserves your respect.
  4. Leave reminders that you care. Unexpected notes, text messages and photo shares can help you stay in touch and create mini-opportunities to connect.
    • Send a text wishing someone luck before a big exam, important meeting or job interview. They'll appreciate the thought and the support.
    • Snap a photo of something funny and send it on. That little lift can make a difference in someone's day and remind them that you share a similar sense of humor.
    • Don't forget birthdays. Put a note in your calendar to remind you to send a card or give a call on the special day.

Tips

  • Don't try to fake your way through a relationship. Try to find common interests with the other person.
  • Don't be shy. Be assertive. If you don't talk to your crush, he won't know you like him, so if he likes or liked you, he might find someone else.
  • If you can show a guy respect, he feels that you can definitely love him.
  • If you haven't seen them for a while, hug them and say, I missed you! It'll make them feel special, girl or guy.
  • Spend a lot of time with them and sit near them. That way you will know each other better.
  • Try to do something he likes to do...maybe you can grab his attention well if you be nice, and respectful.
  • Men find it attractive when a girl is able to form opinions for herself, when she seems to have the inner conviction that she's a person in her own right.
  • Guys are drawn to a girl who cares about her hair, hygiene is really important to guys too. But guys don't like when girls hog the bathroom either, so the quicker the better.
  • Talk to him and don't forget to smile. A smile is the most powerful weapon.
  • This article is about platonic friendships. Click the following links if instead you want to get a guy to like you romantically or get a girl to like you romantically.

Warnings

  • Don't be clingy: guys hate that, they don't want you to be asking them things if you're not dating yet. It will totally freak them out so try not to be stalker-like.
  • You can flirt but it comes with consequences, if you flirt with the wrong guy he might not take you seriously and might take advantage of you. So girls, know when to stop, you might put your self across as needy or desperate.

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Sources and Citations

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