Have Sex Without Your Parents Knowing

It can be tricky to have sex without your parents finding out, especially if they like to keep an eye on what you're doing. Never fear, though! People have been doing this for generations, and there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to get away with it. You will need to get creative, be discreet, and do plenty of planning. Read on for a handy guide on the planning and execution of covert sexual activity.

Steps

Finding a Place and Time

1. Do it when your parents are away. Know their schedules, and plan for a time when they will be away for a least a few hours. Make sure that there's a large enough window before you get too excited. Listen for talk of date nights, weekend events, and movie plans. These are usually good for about 3-5 hours of parental absence during which you can plot your own secret rendezvous. If they ever go out of town and leave you in charge, you’ve hit the jackpot.
2. If your partner's parents are more open-minded or else leave the house more, go over there as much as possible. This is probably the easiest option.
   • If your parents won't let you go over to a partner's house, you can always lie and claim to go to a friends house or out shopping, however, this could cause more trouble in the long run.
3. Seize the moment. You never know when a perfect opportunity is going to appear. If you and your partner are raring to go, you should be ready to jump on the chances that you get.
4. Use a car. Having sex in a car is doable as long as you can find a secluded place to park. This option might be a bit cramped, but it certainly can be done. If you live in a rural area, try pulling over on a country road. Business parks are usually fairly deserted on weekends and after hours. You can also try to hide in plain sight with lots of other cars around.
   • Be wary of parking near buildings or businesses. Look out for security cameras, and make sure to read any signs that indicate you're not supposed to be there. You don't want to draw the attention of police or security guards!
   • Keep in mind that many public places are closely monitored at night, when people usually have less reason to come and go. Explore during the day if you want to avoid suspicion from police, rangers, and security guards.
5. Talk to mutual friends about other options. You might be able to arrange for some privacy at a social gathering or the house of someone whose parents are less uptight than yours. It’s a long shot, but totally worth looking into.
6. Venture into the outdoors. Remote natural settings like parks and forests are usually good places to get some alone time. Fill a backpack with food and blankets, then spend an afternoon hiking around together in search of secluded spots. Make sure to use a place that is safe and private.
   • If you know of a good spot already, feel free to take your romantic liaison there. Perhaps there is a "make-out point" near your community; maybe you know about an old treehouse in the woods, or a quiet place where no one goes.
   • Make sure that your partner is up for roughing it. Not everyone is comfortable with the great outdoors. Make your intentions clear beforehand.
7. Look for another indoor space. Book a cheap motel room, if you can afford it. Take your partner to an unused or low-traffic room at school, at work, or at another community building. Perhaps you have the key to a storage room at your school or at your work, or maybe you know about a corner in the church basement that no one ever checks. Try to think outside the box!
8. Be aware of the risks. It is illegal to have sex in many outdoor and public spaces. It is illegal to have sex with a minor (younger than age 18, in the U.S.), even if you yourself are a minor. If you really like this person and you are able to find a discreet place, then legality need not stop you – but make sure that you understand the consequences! If you are caught violating these laws, you might be arrested or fined, and legally labeled a sexual predator. Even worse, your parents might find out!
   • Check the legal age of consent for your state or country. If you live in the U.S., the age of consent may be 16, 17, or 18, with a corresponding "acceptable difference between ages". If the age of consent for your state is 18, this means that sex with anyone younger than 18 is illegal – even if you are 18 and your partner is 17, or if you are 17 and your partner is also 17.
   • Many teenage lovers have been branded sexual predators over the years. This label follows you into adulthood: you have to register as a sex offender whenever you move to a new address, and you may not be allowed to live within a certain radius of a school. Whether the law is fair or the law is blind, you should be aware of the consequences of what you're doing!

Being Discreet

1. Talk to your partner. You should both be ready to have sex and ready to accept the consequences. Make sure you are both on the same page about all of this. It might be awkward at first, but you'll need to talk about sex in order to arrange the best way to do it secretly. If you're going to keep your parents from finding out, you need to communicate.
   • Find a discreet way to talk about these things. If your parents read your text messages, then you shouldn't discuss your plans over text. If you go to the same school, you can talk there. Consider agreeing on a "code" to refer to sexual things so that you can make plans more openly.
2. Prepare yourself mentally. Lying may seem easier than telling your parents up front, but pulling it off may take a lot of quick thinking and mental energy. Sneaking around means plans, alibis, codes, and cover-ups. This comes more naturally to some people than others. There is no room for error if you are going to do it right. If not, you might as well just tell your parents everything right now!
3. Agree on an alibi for every encounter. Do this even if you don’t think you will need it. As your parents leave the house for dinner and a movie, tell them you plan to spend your evening doing homework or watching TV. If you are going to a social gathering that your parents might not approve of, think of a more wholesome activity you could claim to be doing for the night: e.g. a study group or a sleepover. Use your imagination, but be ready to back up any claims that you make.
   • Be careful what you say. Your parents might know more than you think they do, and you don't want to give them any reason to be suspicious. Be aware that parents often talk to other parents.
   • Make sure that your story matches the stories of other people who will supposedly be around. If you say that you're sleeping over at a friend's house, make sure that A) your parents won't ask your friend's parents about it, or B) your friend's parents will cover for you.
4. Be discreet. Secrets are best kept on a need-to-know basis – so be careful who you tell. This also means covering your tracks to avoid detection. Don’t leave your diary, a gift from your partner, a pack of condoms, or any other evidence lying around.
5. Keep the noise down. You can’t expect to keep this under wraps when you make a clumsy ruckus every time. Explain to your partner why you need to keep quiet. After you learn to do your business swiftly and quietly, you may even be able to get away with it in a house full of people.
6. Consider sexual activities beyond full intercourse. Mutual masturbation, oral sex, and other non-penetrative sex acts tend to be much easier to hide. You may find many unexpected opportunities for a quick session when you wouldn't necessarily be able to go all-out.

Being Safe

1. Understand the risks. Unprotected (and sometimes even protected) sex can lead to unwanted pregnancy, various sexually-transmitted infections, general health concerns, and psychological repercussions. Sex is great, but it's also a great responsibility: to your body, to your partner, to your family, and to your future. Read up on safe sex online to make sure that you're doing everything you can.
   • DO NOT go without protection for risk of your parents finding out. An unexpected pregnancy or STD is far harder to explain than a box of condoms or pack of pills.
2. Make sure that you're ready. It's important that you are mentally as well as physically ready to have sex. Sex is a fundamental part of being human, and it can change the way that you see the world. Be sure that you're doing this for the right reasons. Are you truly ready to have joyful, responsible sex, or are you responding to peer pressure and outside expectations? Do some soul-searching.
3. Use protection. It is best to combine methods if you want to prevent pregnancy as well as STDs. You can buy condoms at most drugstores, grocery stores, and convenience stores. Visit Planned Parenthood or another clinic, and they will give you a bag of free condoms. Girls: ask your doctor about birth control pills and other long-term solutions if you're planning to be sexually active. It might be embarrassing to talk about this at first, but everybody does it – and it's better to be safe than sorry!
   • Free condoms are available to the public at clinics and doctors' offices, the Department of Health and Social Services, and some schools – visit the school nurse. Stash them in your locker or any secure hiding place that is safe from prying eyes. Always keep more condoms than you think you will need, but do not use them after the expiration date stamped on the package.
   • "Pulling out" is not a sure way to prevent pregnancy. Even condoms are not 100% effective – but they are much safer than the alternative.
   • An STD (sexually transmitted disease) could pose serious health risks, and it might haunt you throughout your life. Think about who you're having sex with, and think about who they in turn have had sex with. A huge part of sexual responsibility is communicating with your partner about sexual history.
4. Visit a gynecologist. All sexually active females should see a gynecologist at least once a year for cancer tests, STD screenings, and birth control. Most young women do not have reasons to visit the gynecologist before becoming sexually active, so it might be hard to get your parents’ support without blowing your cover. However, this is an important part of safe sex, and it is well worth your while to set up an appointment.
5. Talk to an adult. If you can't talk to your parents about sex, think about other adults in your life whom you're comfortable approaching with sensitive questions. Try talking to a doctor, a teacher, a trustworthy family member (brother, sister, aunt, uncle,) or a counselor. If you can't think of anyone, visit the nearest Planned Parenthood clinic and make an appointment to speak with a clinician. Sex is a big responsibility to take on alone, and it might be helpful to get advice from someone more experienced.
   • An older sibling can be a great person to talk to, depending on your relationship with them. They're experienced with sex, but they also understand where you're coming from. Consider their advice before moving forward.
6. Consider telling your parents. They might be more helpful and understanding than you expect. By sneaking around and trying to have sex without your parents knowing, you will always be at risk of getting caught. Think about whether that's a chance you want to take.
   • Have a confident, mature conversation with your parents about your decision. If you can explain why you're ready to have sex, they might give you the space to make your own choice.
   • Find out if your partner’s parents could handle the news. If so, talk to them. This kind of thing often goes much more smoothly if somebody’s parents know what is going on.

Warnings

• If your partner doesn't want sex, don't force them. It's their body and they can choose if they want it. And some people aren't ready either.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Balance Others' Feelings with Your Own
• Support Someone Whose Child Is Hospitalized
• Stop Bad Examples from Hurting Your Relationship
• Talk About Daily Stress with Your Partner
• Give a Guy Space
• Change Someone Else's Behavior
• Know when Someone Likes You
• Understand What a Relationship Means
• Get Someone to Like You
• Impress Your Friends

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