Have a Healthy "Friends With Benefits" Relationship
This type of "relationship" is one that should be based on mutual understanding of privacy, undefined time lines (continuance and frequency) of the encounters, and comfort with the partner. This is the simplest form of sexual encounter, and has more dignity and a better sense of dependability than the one-night stand.
Steps
- Be prepared to let it go. Don't get too attached; the "relationship" could end at any time and with little notice.Whatever their reasoning is, always remember to enjoy it while it lasts.
- Don't refer to it or look at it as a relationship; it is nothing more than an agreement between two people to have no strings attached type sex.
- Never plan too far ahead or too rigidly. This may "scare off" someone who is afraid of commitment. It gives the impression that the "relationship" is less about the "urge and click" and more about becoming part of the life and company.
- Don't send mixed signals. Make it clear if the "relationship" is friendly, sexual, or romantic, and how much you are willing to commit. If a man invites a woman out in public just for company, there is a high chance that no matter how cool and understanding she is, she is going to start getting mixed signals. She may become confused about the nature of the "relationship". Above all, communicate--this is the best way to ensure you both have the same wants and expectations.
- Unless you are both comfortable doing so without feelings getting in the way, try to spend as little time together as possible.
- Don't enter this type of "relationship" hoping that it will become romantic. It is what it is. You are his go-to, reliable, understanding, easy sex partner. He has to become the same thing to you in your mind. Nothing more, nothing less. Although a romance can bloom from these "relationships", it should be a surprise rather than a goal. To expect anything else is setting yourself up for disappointment.
- Don't be shocked to see them in public with another person. Remember, you are supposed to be understanding. You are free to date others as well. Give a casual wave, or if your friendship is close, cheek kiss. Resist the urge to get jealous. Remember, just because you've decided that your partner is enough to satisfy your urges, doesn't mean it's the same for them. Don't ask too many follow up questions, unless they volunteer information. Finally, don't reflect your negative feelings onto the other person.
- Do not leave your belongings at their place. Leaving a toothbrush or a pair of underwear can be interpreted as overbearing or territorial. This oversteps the boundaries again.
- Don't tell everybody about the "relationship". Have some decency and respect towards the other person. This should be discussed between the two of you; it is important to decide whether the "relationship" is public or private.
- Don't fight/argue or have too many therapy sessions. These "relationships" are meant to be freeing, fun, relaxing, and as nasty as you want to be. Once sensitivities, jealousy, personal issues, and similar things come into play, it's time for an exit strategy or a different type of "relationship".
- Exercise your own judgement on Valentine's Day or any other holiday. Since you are in a consistent "relationship", a gift can be natural and thoughtful. Panties, body oil, new sheets? Whatever represents your arrangement. Nothing too personal, at least the first year or if Valentine's day falls within the first four months of your encounters.
Tips
- Don't call or text every day or hook up more than three times a week. This behaviour is edging towards "serious" territory--either distance yourself or discuss evolving the "relationship" into a more committed one.
- Avoid saying "We need to talk". Your partner will likely jump to conclusions; pregnancy, STD, a discussion of feelings, or ending the "relationship". The implication of these serious topics can damage the low-consequence appeal of the "relationship". However, if you do need to discuss any of these issues, do not hesitate. Hiding problems to sustain the "relationship" will only do more damage when the consequences are finally revealed. Be direct.
- Do not leave belongings at their place of residence. It could be seen as territorial or overbearing.
- For ladies, do not see your friend with benefits if you are having your menstrual cycle.
