Have a Mature Relationship

Spring flings and summer loves are great for a little laid-back amusement. But if the other seasons aren't as kind to your love life, maybe it's time to try out a more serious relationship. There's no clear path to a flawless union, but these tips can help you choose a solid partner and communicate with ease.

Steps

Choosing a Mate

  1. Scout out potential partners in your favorite places. If you're looking to settle down, the guy standing on the bar with his shirt off or the girl yelling "Jager bombs!" might not be the gems to bring home to mom. If you don't have a particular person in mind, start your search for a potential partner in places where people who share your hobbies and passions like to hang out. For example, if you're into basketball, check out your community recreation league. If sustainable farming is your thing, try your local farmer's market.
    • Humans are visually stimulated creatures, but resist the urge to judge a potential partner based solely on his or her appearance.
    • It's important that you're attracted to your partner, but don't let your ideal physical traits overshadow the search for a partner with a beautiful personality.
  2. Pay attention to how they interact with others. If a potential partner is frequently fighting with their friends and family, this could be a warning sign that s/he isn't ready for a mature relationship where communication and problem-solving are key.
    • Also notice if s/he acts differently toward you when other people are around. If your potential partner pays particular attention to you, it's a green light to spark up a relationship.
    • If you feel ignored when in a group of people, s/he could be embarrassed to publicly acknowledge your budding relationship or want to appear single. Be careful, this is a warning sign that someone isn't ready for a mature relationship.

Taking Things Slow

  1. Develop patience. With text messaging and facebook at your disposal, you may be inclined to disclose your intense feelings right when you feel them. Take the old fashioned route and let the relationship develop before texting your paramour a love confession at two o'clock in the morning.
  2. Make sure you and your lover are on the same page about your status. Don't assume a monogamous relationship or attempt to justify your singleness without talking to your partner.
  3. Be open to meeting your partner's friends and family. When you're in a serious relationship, your partner's friends and family usually become an extension of your friends and family. Make the effort to get to know them and earn their respect.

Communicating Effectively

  1. Establish boundaries and expectations early on in the relationship. This way, you can clearly communicate your expectations and avoid feeling disappointed or disrespected if your partner isn't acting a certain way.
    • Discuss your sexual desires and needs. The sexual aspect of a relationship is important for many, and less important for some. Let your partner know what your expectations and limitations are to avoid feeling ignored or disrespected.
    • Discuss your emotional desires and needs. Let your partner know what sort of affection you expect and when you expect to be consulted on an issue.
  2. Ask questions. Show a genuine interest in and concern for your partner's life by asking about the little things like how his/her day was, as well as bigger things like past experiences and future goals.
  3. Be honest about your feelings. A mature relationship requires total openness and honesty.
    • If you're uncomfortable about or jealous of your partner's relationship with another person, voice your concerns.
    • Don't hold in your feelings as this usually leads to passive aggressive behavior that can spark an argument. Deal with the problem when it arises to avoid big blow-ups in the long run.
    • Most couples will get into an argument at some point during a relationship, but avoid hurting your partner by calmly talking the issue out rather than screaming at each other.

Supporting Each Other

  1. Pursue your passions and let your partner do the same. Support your lover in their pursuits, whether they be academic, professional or personal.
    • Don't change yourself or abandon your personal goals for your partner, and don't expect them to change for you. You will have to adapt and meet each other halfway sometimes, but don't let your passions take a back seat to theirs.
    • Accept traits that you see as flaws. While you might not be able to overlook your partner's Republican enthusiasm if you're a die-hard Democrat, be forgiving of smaller flaws such as a bad nail-biting habit or the way s/he squeezes the toothpaste tube.
  2. Show emotional support. If your lover is having a hard time with his/her family and friends, or is simply stressed out by an upcoming test, let s/he know you are there to help.
    • Listen to your partner. Instead of immediately offering suggestions concerning how to solve a problem, first listen to what your partner is saying.
    • Let him or her know you care. Make sure to follow up with your lover if they tell you about something that has been bothering them. Ask questions about how things are going in the aspect of their life that has been troubling them.
    • Offer to help solve the problem and come up with strategies to quell the issue at hand. Make sure not to belittle your partner by telling him or her that their problem "isn't a big deal," even if that's how you feel.

Keeping the Flame Alive

  1. Maintain your individual personality. Even if you've mastered the suggestions above and your relationship is thriving, couples often get into such a comfortable routine that the passionate flame can start to dim.
    • It's great to have the same interests and hobbies as your partner, but make sure to reserve time for yourself, especially if you live with your beau.
    • Establish a regular "girls night" or make room for "bro time" to keep in touch with friends and avoid becoming a homebody.
  2. Be spontaneous. Even though you and your partner are comfortably settled in, always pay attention to the little things.
    • A gift of chocolate and flowers or a random home-cooked meal are always appreciated and can keep the initial passion burning.
    • Experience new things together. If you've both always wanted to go sky diving or simply to try a different style of cuisine than you normally eat, do it together! Sharing exciting experiences helps you keep your relationship interesting.
  3. Set a date night. Between you and your partner's busy schedules, it can be difficult to find time for romance. Establish one night a week as your "date night" and treat yourselves to a romantic night out or a candle-lit homemade meal.

Warnings

  • Love yourself first and make sure that you are taking care of your body and emotions.
  • Get out of the relationship if your partner shows signs of abusive, addictive, or controlling behavior.
  • Don't be the couple that cuddles on the couch every single weekend night. Make sure to keep pursuing your interests and don't become obsessed with the relationship.

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