Identify a False Friend
A false friend is someone who is not really your friend. They are the type of people who we sometimes accidentally become friends with. They may want attention, popularity, your belongings or money, or simply a friend at all. So, how do you identify them to prevent a friendship from starting? Read on to find out.
Contents
Steps
Does your friend have time for you?
- Consider whether your friend pays attention to you and really listens. If you're there for your friend and listen to their stories and give good advice, but they won't return the favor, they are not real friends. This shows that they only want to talk about themselves and they don't care less about you and what you want to say.
- Test how much your friend has time only when it benefits your friend. Notice how often your friend's friendliness increases whenever they want you to do something for them, and diminishes whenever they don't want you to do something for them.
- For example, let's say you're going to have an awesome party next weekend. This person may start being nice to you and acting like your friend so you will invite them. Or they start being nice to you and then try to get you to do something you wouldn't ordinarily do.
- This is a major sign that they only want to pretend to be your friend as long as there is something you can do for them, but not be your friend if they can't get something specific for their efforts. Realize that some people will only be your friend if you do something for them. Try to be aware of the fact that this person probably does not want to be your friend, and find someone better to hang out with who actually likes you for who you are.
- Notice how often your friend forgets or ignores important dates to you. They will tell you all about the presents they received on their birthday or the wonderful time they had on their wedding anniversary. But when those dates roll around for you, either the false friend is nowhere to be seen or heard from or they will contact you after the date has passed and claim that they forgot all about it. This is definitely a sign the person is interested in you only as a casual acquaintance, not a real friend.
- Notice how often a friend breaks promises that they make to you. Maybe your friend calls you up to see a movie, but then cancels your plans at the last minute, or even worse only a minute or two after making it. This can be a major sign that the person does not want your friendship but only your companionship, and only when they can get nobody better to fill that void.
Does your friend support or undermine you?
- Notice how often a friend tries to embarrass you or make you look bad in front of anyone or everyone, especially after you've told, asked, or begged them to stop. This can be a major sign that the person does not care for you as a friend but rather as a source of entertainment - at your expenses, of course.
- Observe if the "friend" is mean to you or makes fun of you all the time. A mean friend may try to take advantage of you or possibly push you around. Keep in mind that some friends make fun of you in a joking way, while others do it to lower your self-esteem. Realize what they are doing, and find someone else who appreciates you.
- Notice how often they belittle your accomplishments. If you write a superb piece of fiction they will accuse you of plagiarizing it from another source. Sometimes they will praise your work to your face, but you may discover they are making fun of it behind your back. Being two-faced is not a sign of a real friend.
- Notice how often a friend chews you out for making mistakes (even the smallest or pettiest ones) or for bringing their very mistakes to their attention. Some people want to surround themselves with perfectly-behaving people so that they will be perceived as being better than they actually are. It doesn't work, but lots of people for some reason believe that it does.
- Notice how often the person only behaves friendly to you when no other friends are around/when nothing else is going on for them. This may mean that the person is talking to you out of boredom when they have nothing better to do, and does not actually want to be your friend. Also, if the person constantly leaves without warning or explanation, take this as a hint they do not want to be your friend, and need some better priorities.
Does your friend respect you?
- Consider whether your friend respects what you like. True friends respect the things that you like so, they would not want to change your field of interest. If you are a person that enjoys attending art galleries, museums, and going to musical theaters, then your friends should support that no matter what. If they try to make you go to rock concerts that are not enjoyable or go to movie theater with noisy people when you don't want to, perhaps they aren't a true friend.
- Consider whether your friend respects your values. Real friends respect another friends' moral values. If you have very high moral values, then your friends should either share the same values or respect them. If you do not believe in having sexual intercourse before marriage, then your friends should respect and leave it at that. If they believe in "friends with benefits" and push it onto you, then you should leave them alone and find someone else that does not believe in that mantra.
- Notice how often your friend ignores you. This means ignoring what you say, ignoring your presence, failing to introduce you when they're making introductions, they offer something to someone nearby but not to you, etc. Some people just like to talk about themselves and not care one bit about you. On the other hand, some people act super nice to you one day, but the next day they act as though they have no idea what-so-ever of who you are. What ever may be the case, you should think twice about being this person's friend if this is frequently occurring.
Moving forward from a negative friendship
- If you find yourself to be in any of the above situations very often at all, it might be time to start seeking other people to spend time with. If you find yourself to be in one or more of the above situations pretty frequently, it is time to start spending time with other people. Remember though that some people have differing personalities and it is usually a good idea to talk to someone about the situation before entirely scrapping your friendship, in case what you have judged to be a false friend is actually not.
- Consider whether there are any mitigating factors. Friends may turn abnormal especially when they are out of work, so do not decide too soon. However, if they have been acting unfriendly for too long, they may have a hidden grudge.
- Go back in time to analyse what you did to the unreal friend. Did you fail to help them out or manage their expectations? There may be a clue there.
- Remind yourself often that real friends love you just the way you are. If they are trying to change you in a way that makes them accept you, then don't waste your time on them.
Tips
- If your "friend" prefers others over you and excludes you, it's time to let go.
- You're only as good as the people you surround yourself with, so be brave enough to let go of the ones that are bringing you down.
- If they call you negative stuff in front of people all the time then look for another friend to see if your luck goes better there.
- These can tell you how true friends act. A real friend:
- Does not ignore each other.
- Says hello and bye and check on you on a very frequent basis.
- Will embarrass you from time to time.
- Will not begrudge you for embarrassing them from time to time.
- Often jokingly embarrasses each other on a regular basis.
- Does not let it get out of hand.
- Will do their best to overcome the mistakes that are brought to their attention without condemning anyone else for making the same kinds of mistakes or others.
- Doesn't put fake love letters and get your hopes up and always do rude things
- Doesn't mock and belittle you in public.
- Don't just stop being friends at the first sign. It may be only a misunderstanding. Try starting afresh two or three times.
- Talk to your "friend" and express your true feelings.
- Talk it over if it helps.
- If when they are with you, they can't talk and are always on their phone. But when you call them and they never answer, then that can be marked as a flag of a false friend.
- Find out how to identify a false friend!
- If the person doesn't accept you for who you are, find another person and/or group to be around.
- If they make you feel miserable insecure or knock your confidence, you should be wary. They might not value your friendship.
- Always talk to them about these things first though. If they hotly deny it, argue or don't give you a chance to explain/ talk it over, they might not be a true friend or committed to the friendship.
- Notice how they treat you around people, and when they are alone with you.
- Don't accept your fake friend's teasing, behavior, etc. They are only desperate for attention.
- Don't be super rude. Then no one will want you to be your friend.
- If your best friend has a relationship with a false friend, tell them your suspicions, but don't put it in your own hands.
- Know when they've blown the friendship too many times. Of course give them a few second chances if they mess up, but if you have too many arguments and misunderstandings, it is probably time to end it. Don't be afraid to end the friendship once you know that it's toxic, because you should always be around people that make you feel happy.
Warnings
- Sometimes it is impossible to spend time with other people. In such cases, do your best to avoid treating anybody else in a similar fashion. Do your best to be true friends with as many people as you can.
- The above "steps" are not a completely cut-and-dried method of smoking out a false friend if they occur infrequently enough or rarely. Sometimes it takes a very good and true friend to be the one to have the courage to find some way to embarrass you in order to get you to do something good that you might not otherwise have the courage to do without his or her involvement. Sometimes good and true friends break promises. Sometimes good and true friends need you to do things for them, and they want to give you several reasons to think about doing it for them. Sometimes a true and good friend has a very good reason to ignore you or pretend you don't exist, or at least they think they do.
- Watch closely! You'll know that cannot be considered a true friend anyone who:
- Behaves friendly to you only when nobody else is available/nothing else is going on;
- Repeatedly tries to get you to do things that you believe to be wrong;
- Behaves friendly to you only when there is something they want you to do for them;
- Sees you only as a source of entertainment - of course, at your expenses;
- Tries to have you do things that you just know to be plain wrong.
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