Introduce Yourself to a Girl

It can be pretty intimidating to introduce yourself to a girl, especially if you really like her. The most important thing is that you work up your courage and get it over with. Don't build the situation up in your head, don't fantasize about false expectations, and don't wait so long that you miss your chance. Just walk up to her, strike up a conversation, and tell her your name. What do you have to lose?

Steps

Approaching a Girl

1. Gauge the situation. Is she alone, or in a group? Is she relaxed, or is she deeply absorbed in her work? Try to approach her at a point when she'll be open to meeting someone new. You want to make a good first impression.
   • If she's alone, consider what she's doing. If she's in the library, with her headphones in, obviously working, then you shouldn't bother her. If you disrupt her work, her first impression of you will be negative. If she's doing something less absorptive--wandering an art gallery, texting, having a coffee--then she'll be more open to your introduction.
   • If she's hanging out in a group, consider the group dynamic. If a friend of yours is in the group with her, use him or her as a way in: approach the group, say hello to your friend, and use the social momentum to introduce yourself to anyone else in the group that you don't know--including the girl. Casually make yourself a part of the group. If you don't know anyone in the group, you will need to find a way to join in: try jumping into the conversation when you overhear something interesting, or try approaching the group and asking a question about the event you're at.
2. Catch her eye. Casually glance in her direction from time to time. When she meets your gaze, smile--then look away. If she smiles back, it's a good indication that she's open to being approached. You don't need to catch a girl's eye to introduce yourself to her, but it's a good way to test the waters as to whether she's interested. Avoid looking at her too often; be flirtatious, but don't creep her out.
3. Go talk to her. Don't build it up in your head--just seize the moment and get it over with. Walk over to her and casually start a conversation about what she's doing. You can try to be engaging and witty, or you can ask her a simple, earnest question. It helps to have an opening line, to break the ice, but it doesn't need to be a rehearsed "pick-up line". You will make a better first impression if you're comfortable, so approach her in a way that you would want to be approached.
   • If you see her in a bookstore, perusing the shelves, walk up next to her and comment on the book she's holding. Say, "The Old Man and the Sea is fantastic. Have you read it before?" If she says no, then tell her why you recommend the book, and try to spark a more in-depth conversation.
   • If she's standing on the deck of a cruise ship, staring out at the ocean, walk up next to her and say, "Beautiful, isn't it?" If she agrees, ask, "How are you liking the cruise?" Ask her questions about her experience, and be genuinely interested. Listen to her. Before long, she may begin to ask you questions--and then you've got a conversation.
   • If you're eating lunch or sipping a coffee--whether it's in a cafeteria, on a grassy lawn, or in a cafe--and you see her sitting alone, approach her and ask if you can sit with her: "Do you mind if I sit here?" Don't approach her if she has headphones in, or if she seems especially busy with something. Ask her about what she's reading, or comment on the weather, or ask her, "Do you come here often?"
   • If you're at a party or a big social event, it may be even easier to approach her, especially if you've had a drink or two. Walk up to her, say hello, and spark a conversation about the event. Say, "What do you think of the party?" or "Wasn't the solo on that song amazing?" What you say is not so important as the actual act of breaking the ice.
4. Be genuine. Be confident, but down-to-earth. Don't objectify her and treat her as some prize that you need to win; treat her as a person, a real person, with dreams and interests and insecurities--a person who can choose whether or not to be attracted to you. Don't come in with any ulterior motives, and don't try to rehearse a script. Come as you are, as one person who wants to get to know another person, and your heart will shine through.
5. Introduce yourself. You can choose to introduce yourself as an opening line, or you can introduce yourself once you've approached the girl and gotten a conversation underway. Just say it: "Hey, I'm Mike." You don't need to feel self-conscious about introducing yourself, because an introduction doesn't necessarily indicate that you're romantically interested in a girl; it's just a polite way to acknowledge someone's presence and set the stage for further conversation.
   • If it's the first day of class and you sit down at the desk next to her, try to catch her eye as you get settled, and casually introduce yourself. "Hey, I'm Mike." In most cases, she'll respond in kind: "Hi! I'm Julie." Feel free to ask another question from there: say, "Are you new at this school? I don't think I've seen you around before," or "Were you in Sociology 101? I think I recognize you from my discussion section last semester."
   • If you've already approached her and begun a conversation, whether it's in a bookstore or on the deck of a cruise ship, you just need to slip your name into the conversation as an aside. Wait for a natural break in the talk, and say, "I'm Mike, by the way." If she doesn't immediately smile and say, "I'm Julie," you can ask, "What's your name?"
   • Consider reaching out to shake her hand when you introduce yourself. This is a common introduction ritual in the western world, whether you're introducing yourself to a guy or a girl. It establishes an immediate physical connection, and it signals that the two of you are equals. Grasp her hand firmly but gently--not too tight, and not too loose.

Taking the Conversation Deeper

1. Keep talking. Let the conversation flow naturally. Ask her questions, listen carefully, and be genuinely interested in what she has to say.
   • When she mentions something that she's excited about, and her eyes light up, ask her more about it. Feed the conversation with questions. If she's interested, she will ask you questions about yourself; answer them honestly.
   • If you're interacting with a girl in a group setting, ask her lots of questions, and continue making eye contact to make her feel like you're talking to her specifically. Make sure to include the other members of her group in the conversation so they won't be left out: most girls appreciate it when guys are nice to their friends. Eventually, the group might leave you two alone to talk, and it'll be much easier to carry on a one-on-one conversation in private.
2. Don't be afraid of silence. If you've approached a girl at some sort of event, like a concert or a festival, you don't need to fill every moment with words. If you're sitting next to a girl in class, you can let the conversation drop and then pick it up the thread again when you have a free moment. Sit with her, listen with her, wander with her, and make witty comments as they pop into your brain. The important thing is that she enjoys your company.
3. Leave her alone if she isn't interested. You should be able to tell if she doesn't want to take your conversation any further: she'll give you one-word answers, she won't look you in the eyes, and she won't ask questions back. If she is interested in talking with you, she'll be engaged in the conversation, and you won't have to force it too much. Bear in mind that holding back from the conversation doesn't necessarily mean that she isn't interested--she might just be shy--and being engaged in the conversation doesn't necessarily mean that she's attracted to you: she might just be up for a conversation.
   • If she doesn't seem interested, politely excuse yourself. Don't let the situation grow too awkward. Say, "Well, it was nice talking you. Enjoy your book!" Return to whatever you were doing before you approached her.
   • If you've approached a girl in a group, it can be hard enough to get her undivided attention, let alone tell if she's interested. Sometimes, the best tactic is to chat for a while and then move elsewhere. Keep making eye contact with the girl you were trying to talk to. This can be a great way of seeing if she's interested in talking more with you. If she leaves the group and goes to find you, it's a good sign.
4. Make plans to see her again. Even if your conversation goes well, one of you will eventually have to leave. Be bold and take a chance here--this might be the best opportunity that you get. What do you have to lose? Tell her that you really enjoyed talking to her, and that you'd love to meet her for coffee or a drink sometime. If she agrees, ask her for her phone number.
   • If you have a date in mind, feel free to propose it now. If you've had a solid conversation with her, say, "I really enjoyed talking to you. Would you like to meet up for a drink tomorrow night?"
   • If you introduced yourself, but you didn't get much time to talk, ask her out for coffee. Say, "I'd like to talk to you more. Would you want to meet up for coffee this weekend?"
   • If you introduced yourself to her in a group setting, but didn't wind up getting much one-on-one time, wait until her group is leaving. Pull her aside, briefly, and tell her what a great time you've had; say, "It was really great meeting you. I'd love to get to know you better. Want to meet up for coffee sometime?"

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Sources and Citations

See also

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