Talk to a Girl You Like for the First Time

Maybe you have seen a girl around, and you have been dreaming of just going up and talking to her. However, approaching someone for the first time is nerve-wracking in most instances; add your new crush into the mix, and you might be a bumbling mess. Sometimes, though, the result is infinitely worth the risk.


Talking to Her the First Time

  1. Make eye contact. Spend a few days catching her gaze every now and then. Don't just stare at her, though; instead, shoot her small glances until your eyes meet and she catches you. When she does, smile slightly and look away after a second. You'll probably blush as well, which is all the better - blushing indicates you're nervous, which is a hint that you like her.
  2. Time it right. When you do talk to her, pick a time that's convenient. Don't try to get her attention when she's obviously involved in something else, and try to have a bit of privacy - you don't have to be completely alone, but her attention shouldn't be too distracted.
    • Make the interaction extra casual (and put a time limit on it) by talking to her while you're both walking somewhere else. If you walk to a class at the same time as her, or you start walking the same way home, this is a great opening.
  3. Start with a compliment. Paying a girl the right compliment makes your intentions clear right away - she'll know instantly that you're interested in being more than her friend. Here are some things to consider:
    • Know how to deliver a compliment. Even the best compliment in the world will fall flat if your delivery is off. Keep a half smile as you talk - it will make you naturally add appealing inflection to your voice. (Try this trick out when you answer the phone sometime and see if you notice a difference.) Maintain eye contact with her, and keep the tones of your voice up, but lower the actual volume - speaking softly immediately communicates intimacy, and it can make her instinctively lean in closer to hear you. If this all sounds a bit difficult, practice it in front of a mirror first.
    • As anyone who's ever had a stalker can tell you, there's a fine but definite line between flattering and creepy. With this in mind, choose your compliment wisely. Saying something like "You always look amazing in that shirt" can come off as weird if you don't know her well, and implies that you watch her. (Even if you do, it's best not to spill that information immediately.) Instead, opt for something general but cute, such as "Your smile is glowing today. What's making you so happy?" or "I thought what you said in class earlier was really interesting." A good compliment should naturally lead to more conversation, instead of just hanging awkwardly in the air after you say it.
    • Know what to avoid. If you're going to pay a girl a compliment about her physical looks, stick to her eyes, smile or hair. Do not comment on her body otherwise, especially on the first interaction.
    • If you want to play it extra safe, pick something you already know she's proud of. For instance, if you know she's a dedicated violinist, say something like, "I've heard you're an amazing musician," and use it as a way to ask her some questions about it.
  4. Keep the conversation moving. You might be tempted to stop talking and just stare at this girl, but don't let your nerves get the best of you. Allowing a long lull in the conversation will make things feel awkward.
  5. Instead, have a mental list of backup questions you can use if you stumble on an uncomfortable pause.
    • Ask about what she thinks of a shared homework assignment or an upcoming event. Asking for her opinion communicates that you care about what she thinks, and see her as more than just an object.
    • Use the conversation to find out more about her, but be subtle. For instance, if you want to find out if she already has a boyfriend, you could casually ask, "So, anything fun planned with your boyfriend for the weekend?" If she doesn't have one and she's interested in you, she'll let you know immediately.
    • Ask open-ended questions. For instance, instead of saying "So, have anything fun planned for the break?" (which can be answered with a short "yes" or "no"), say "What are you going to do to keep busy while school is out?" A question that requires a detailed response is always better to keep a conversation flowing.
  6. Make her laugh (optional). If you're sure you've got a joke she'll appreciate, give it a shot. The goal is to show her you have an engaging sense of humor, but you don't want to come off as desperate or cheesy.
    • If possible, crack a joke about the current situation or something you both saw happen. Situational humor is more meaningful than a joke you read online.
    • Don't tell a dirty joke. It's not appropriate for a first conversation, and it might give her the wrong impression.
    • If she doesn't get the joke, don't explain it to her unless she asks. Just move on quickly with a new point of conversation.
    • Good humor is really attractive, but bad humor is a complete turn off. If you can't think of a joke that makes sense with the situation at hand, leave it alone.
  7. Close the conversation early. Follow that old saying - "Always leave them wanting more." Find a way to gracefully duck out of the conversation before it goes stale. Good luck!

Conversation Help

Doc:Funny Anecdotes,List of Compliments,Conversation Starters

Test Your Knowledge



  • Don't start off with something regarding her personal life, like "How are you and your boyfriend doing?" It will seem invasive and rude.
  • Some girls like to make it a bit of a challenge. If she seems a bit distant but hasn't explicitly done anything to indicate she doesn't like you, don't give up just yet.
  • Don't talk to a girl and look at her body all day. You might creep her out.
  • Always try to make a woman feel like she is important and not just some other person.
  • You should be kind, nice, gentle, sweet and thoughtful, and not just flattering. Most important of all, talk to her like a normal person, and don't feel awkward in the heat of the moment!
  • Girls love it when you start the conversation-they might be nervous too. Also just be yourself but if you're too confident or cocky it's a MAJOR turn off!
  • Avoid the friend zone. Starting off the conversation with a compliment immediately lets your crush know that you're romantically interested, not just looking for a platonic friendship. Skipping this step puts you in danger of residing in the friend zone.
  • Be confident, but not over confident, as you will seem narcissist.
  • Don't just stare at her.
  • You need to be gentle when approaching a girl for the first time. If you are the rude type, you will end up messing up everything.
  • All ways make the girl feel special and important but don't go to overboard, if it works it will feel like you are the only two people on earth.
  • Learn conversational skills from other wikiHows to have effective conversations.
  • Sometimes, an awkward moment can actually help spark a conversation. Just make sure that it isn't awkward to the point of making your crush avoid you, only enough that you can either spark some conversation or help your crush out of the awkward moment. This can help someone admire you for not just pointing and laughing at them and will earn you respect. Perhaps if you mistakenly encounter an awkward silence, you can wait 5 seconds and just say, "God, you're so beautiful." or, "You have eyes as blue as the Baltic Sea." (Which could lead to curiosity about the Baltic Sea (not something you hear about every day) which could lead to a conversation.)
  • If you really like that girl, first try being friends with her. Do not directly go and ask her out but try reaching out to her and ask her about some address, about her opinion about a book or some certainly obvious questions. Try knowing her interests gradually.
  • If you're talking with her and having a great conversation, but another guy walks up and hugs her, then gives you "the look" ... well, that's okay! You can still be friends, so that when they break up, you can comfort her and maybe, later, become her boyfriend.
  • Don't ever tease her. If you do, you will make her feel uncomfortable to talk to her.
  • Do not attempt to flirt with her while talking with each other for the first time. She might feel uncomfortable, and it might just make the conversation go downhill.
  • If you're anxious at first, talk to her around other people until you feel comfortable talking to her by yourself. Be confident!


  • Also remember that each girl is different; therefore, there is no specific set of steps to magically get all girls you like to like you. The reason she likes you is because she likes you for who you are. So just be real, do not fake interests or things that you do or know.
  • Don't overdo it with quiet or shy girls — give her plenty of time and space.
  • If you make the mistake of talking to her for the first time over a web chat or email, don't panic if she seems creeped out. She is just surprised you're finally talking, and even more surprised it's online. There still might be a chance you can have her. Just do as you'd normally do and talk to her as if there's nothing to it.
  • If the girl isn't interested and says so, don't keep pressuring her. Move on in order not to appear overbearing and to avoid unnecessary conflict.

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