Know if Your Friend No Longer Likes You

Friendships can be powerful things, but sometimes people's opinions about one another change. Whether from new life experiences, the passage of time, or any variety of other factors, sometimes people just don't want to be friends anymore. Sometimes that isn't very clear, and there are a variety of signs you can look for that should tell you that someone does not want to be friends anymore. If there is something wrong, you may try to fix it, or it might be best to end the friendship.

Steps

Looking for Signs

1. See if your friend is acting negatively towards you. If your friend is regularly insulting or belittling you, or starting arguments over all kinds of things, he or she is not being a good friend. If your friend is doing this, confront him or her, and ask them to stop. If your friend doesn't, that is not a good sign.
   • Types of insults can include teasing, sarcasm, and cynicism, comments that may sound like jokes, but are meant to hurt you. Some insults are more subtle, like backhanded compliments (complimenting you for negative things) or guilt-tripping (where your friend blames you for his or her distresses and problems). In many cases, your friend may try to pass these insults off as humor, and ridicule you for taking them personally.
   • It is possible that your friend doesn't know he or she is insulting you. If you are concerned, confront them. If your friend didn't know, they may apologize right away.
2. Look out for how often you are communicating. If your friend doesn't like you, he or she probably isn't making much of an effort to stay in touch. This means not just talking, but emails, texting, or any other form of communication. If you and your friend aren't talking very much, it is hard to say that you are still really friends.
   • This reduced communication can refer to frequency or length. You may not talk as often as you used to. Or, if you do talk, your conversations are now very short, and you find that you don't have much to talk about.
   • You can also see this if you are the one making an effort at communication. Friendship takes effort. If you are the only one trying to stay in touch, then your friend is probably not interested.
3. Ask yourself how you learn about new things in your friend's life. Along with not talking much, chances are your friend won't have been keeping you up to date with changes in his or her life. Friendship takes effort, and you shouldn't learn new things about your friend only through other people or social media.
4. See if your friend ignores you for time with others. If you try to make plans, and your friend says he or she is too busy, but is later out with other friends during that time, that would be a sign of rejection.
   • People change, have new interests, and new friends. If your friend appears to be doing other things with new people, then those new people probably fit in better with his or her new interests.
   • If your friend is not spending more time with others, but becoming withdrawn towards everyone, that could be a sign of more serious issues, like depression. If this might be the case, gather others, and as a group encourage your friend to seek help.
5. Think about how it feels being around your friend. If your friendship is turning sour, your meetings will be tense, and you may feel anxious or uncomfortable in each other's presence. It's possible there is a larger concern that you are not dealing with, or maybe you two have grown apart.

Finding Reasons for the Change

1. Talk to your friend. Ask him or her about the things you have been noticing that suggest he or she doesn't like you. Be open and honest about your concerns. It may not solve all of them right away, but may help you if your friend doesn't like you, or is angry about something in particular.
   • Be prepared to be conciliatory, especially if you think your friend is angry at something you may have done. Showing you are open to compromise and reconciliation encourages your friend to do the same.
   • When discussing your concerns, it is better to use "I" Statements. Don't start your complaints with "You," (as in "You are...") which makes your opinion seem like a fact. Instead, lead with how you feel when your friend does something negative towards you ("I feel..."). After that, name your friend's behavior and why it makes you feel that way. This makes you statement less accusatory.
   • If you think you were in the wrong, but are not sure why, it might be good to give an open-ended question. You want to give them an opportunity to talk, not give a simple answer to a direct question. Ask what is wrong, or what you did wrong.
   • Be sure to give your friend some space after apologizing or asking for a response. This can be a lot to process, and you shouldn't expect an answer right away.
2. Ask yourself if things have changed in your lives. Life leads people in different directions, and those directions may not include you or your old friends. Your friend may have new interests, and new friends that share those interests more than you do.
3. Don't get defensive. Learning a friend doesn't like you can create a number of negative emotions. While you don't want to suppress them too much, it is best to use them as an opportunity to think more about yourself. Try to figure out what you are feeling (anger, fear, humiliation), in order to figure out what you can do next.
   • Ask yourself what you think your friend meant. People don't always know the impact of their words and actions. Bringing it to their attention can get an apology. Or, perhaps they did mean it as a personal insult, in which case you will want to think about how much you want to keep this friendship.
4. Evaluate your friendship. You may have been (or became) a toxic friendship. These can be bad for your physical and mental wellbeing, and you should not be afraid to end it. Is this person a true friend? If you have been growing apart, especially for some time, then your friendship has probably been ready to end.
   • Signs of a toxic friendship include: asking for advice, then belittling or ignoring it; dumping their issues on you without offering support for your problems; regularly picking fights or competing with you, and never being happy with your success.
   • In a true friendship, you and your friend will be supportive of one another, stay in regular contact, and be able to discuss disagreements respectfully and with some amicable resolution. True friendships take effort, and both of you need to be willing to put in the effort.
5. Accept it. It does you no good to force someone to stay friends with you. That will likely only make things worse. It does not mean you failed, just that things have changed.

Tips

• Avoid hard feelings between you and your friend. People change, sometimes friendships just don't work as well as they used to. Unless your friend did something particularly hurtful towards you, there is no reason to hold a grudge.
• Keep an eye out for signs of depression or other troubles. If your friend is withdrawing from all others, they may be dealing with more serious issues.
• If the friendship is over, you may feel like crying. It's okay to let it out, not necessarily in front of your ex friend though.

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Sources and Citations

See also

• Talk Through an Argument with a Friend
• Respond when Your Friend Says Something Offensive
• Cope With Having No Friends
• Identify Bad Friends
• Know if Your Friend Is Jealous of You
• Tell if Someone Is Your Friend
• Hide Your Feelings from a Girl You Like
• Make a Friend Jealous
• Ask Your Friend to Pay Back the Money They Owe You
• Survive a Negative Friend

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