Tell if Someone Is Your Friend
We all like to make friends, right? Well, sometimes it is hard to tell if someone is a real friend or just using you. Read on to find out if they like you or not.
Contents
Steps
Testing the depth of your friendship
- Think about how the two of you got together as friends.
- How did you meet each other? Did you fall into them by accident or did they come up to say "Hi"? Were they friendly about it?
- Do they say hi and wave to you, or do they walk up to you and start a conversation?
- If they aren't that open to you and you didn't meet in a nice manner, they probably just think of you as a 'hi and bye friend', which means they are just an acquaintance and want no part in friendship at that time.
- Consider how intimate your friendship feels.
- Do they initiate conversations with you just to talk? Or is there always a need dangling on the end of any conversation?
- Can you trust them? Do you feel close to them?
- Think about who makes the plans. Is it always you making all the plans? Does the other person always come to things you invite them too? If they really like you they will try to show up to see you. Don't make excuses for them like "oh, they are probably busy" because if things add up that they have rejected your requests to see them a whole bunch of times, where it just seems like you'll never see them again, maybe the other person is just trying to give you a hint. They just don't take the friendship as seriously as you do.
- Consider how they are when you need help. When you have a problem are they supportive and caring? A true friend feels sad when you are and offers support. If you're having a problem, it is their problem too and they should be right there to help.
Assessing whether you're just being taken advantage of
- Consider the possibility that you're being used. Sometimes there are people that use you and don't really want to be your friend but they disguise it with pretend friendliness. For example:
- Does this person only want to hang out when you have something they want? For example, if you are doing something special and all of a sudden they're free to come, when usually, they're too busy?
- Do they only hang out when you go out shopping and pay for everything?
- If you got a yes for both of these, the person is definitely using you and wants no part of a friendship.
- Identify what this supposed friend could possibly want from you. It could be your connections, skills, or knowledge, just something that doesn't come cheaply, commodity-wise or through friendship.
- Come up with a subtle way to pretend you cannot provide what you suspect they want. For example, if what they want from you is a free ride in your really nice car, you can say you're considering trading it in for something cheaper and more manageable. Make it sound like you're in control, that it was your decision to stop doing whatever they could find useful.
- Observe their reaction. Real friends will respect your decision and still continue to be friends. False friends will either try to reverse the decision, or stop hanging out with you altogether. Either way they'll be unhappy and that will be one bad day for anyone who tried to take advantage of you.
Tips
- Remember, true friends listen to what you have to say.
- Friends will actually care about what you have to say.
- True friends always stay by your side no matter what the issue is. They will be there when you need them to be.
- A true friend does not get angry at you easily and doesn't make up lame excuses to avoid you.
- A true friend would always stick by you and support you no matter the circumstances.
- True friends stay by your side. It does not matter who came and remained, it's all about who came and supported you throughout mentally and emotionally.
- If they invite you places, then accept them when you can!
- If the person really does not like you, just learn to forgive and forget! Move on. There are plenty more people out there!
- If he/she refers to you as their best friend and they don't support you at all, then they are not your true friend.
- Pay attention when they are having a conversation with you. If they are doing all of the talking and all they do is complain about things, then they are probably just using you.
- If they are a true friend then you two will come together naturally. No one has to say "we are best friends".
- If your friend doesn't hang out with you much he/she is probably not a real friend.
- If the person is using you, don't end the friendship right away. Explain that you feel what they are doing is wrong, but you would honestly like to still be friends if they would like to hang out with you to be friends and support you.
- If they are true friends, you laugh and do almost everything together.
- Don't get frustrated if they fail to meet up with you. If you want to just hang out and such, chances are, they are actually busy doing something else with their family or their other friends whom they already made plans with. However, if they ditch you more than twice, especially in a row, stop trying so hard to get them to hang out with you (it will save you the disappointment and it will save you from coming off as being desperate). Remember, be mature and be willing to accept that they can have more than just one single friend, too, as long as they aren't purposely leaving you out and hurting your feelings in some way. If there are three of you, be careful not to fall into the "third-wheel" trap, because this game sucks with "friends". Also, if they don't act how they usually do around other people and if they will avoid you when they are with their other friends, then that is another bad sign. And don't let them brown-nose you and manipulate you into believing they are your friends if they really aren't—don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and call them out on their crap. Don't start drama, either.
- Remember, friends tease a little bit. They may laugh if you fall over, they may laugh about your crush, but they would never publicly humiliate you, or be mean to you. They can tell if you have hurt feelings, and they hate to see you sad. If you ask if they want to hang out and your friend says that they are busy, make sure they tell you what they are doing so you know they are not ditching you.
- If your "friend" only talks about their problems and use up all the time so that you get the blame, will discard you when you tell about your own problems and cares not about you, and is always on the other side and not on your side then your friend is not your friend, and dislikes you. A person who hates you and does not want to make you happy is not a friend, and then it means that you should ignore fake and dodgy people.
- Not only pay attention to when they talk, but make sure when you talk they pay attention. Your topic may be boring or they may want to do something else.
- If you think you're good friends with someone, then you should feel safe and comfortable with them and be able to share your thoughts and feelings with them.
- A true friend will see when you're lying when you plaster a smile on your face and claim that you're fine. Remember, not many people can do this - in your lifetime you can count your true friends on one hand.
