Know if a Man Is Interested in You
Do you have a guy that you think might like you but you're just not sure? Maybe you're having trouble telling if your new boyfriend is really into the relationship. No matter what your problem is, wikiHow is here to help! With a little emotional detective work, you can find out if your man is really yours or only on temporary loan. Just get started with Step 1 below.
Contents
Steps
Getting the Absolute Basics
- Look at how he acts towards you vs others. Is he paying way more attention to you than other girls (or even his own friends)? Is he nicer or does he try to touch you more? These may be signs that he's interested in you.
- Check the body language. Notice how, when, and how often he touches you. A touch to the cheek or neck is a dead giveaway, but a touch to the hand, arm, or lower back can also be a sign that he wants to get closer. You should also pay attention for the thumb rub. If he rubs his thumb softly against your skin while he touches you, that is a very good sign.
- Notice if he takes an interest in your life. Does he ask about your hobbies? Follow up on things you told him you were going to do? Does he make an effort to get to know your friends? Does he try to learn about your family or where you grew up? These are signs that he's interested in you.
- Do a gift-check. If a guy is giving you little gifts, especially ones he made himself, that is a clear sign that he's interested. If the gift is very tailored to you or to something you did together, that's the real clue.
- Test the waters. When in doubt, the best idea is to remove the ambiguity and test the waters a bit. Ask him to be your date to a thing you have to go to or just invite him to spend some alone time together doing something date-like. If he says no, it doesn't bode well. If he really likes you he'll just about bend Heaven and Earth to spend time together.
Analyzing His Actions
- Notice if and when he calls you. If he doesn't call when he said he would or he doesn't call within a few days of a date, he's not interested. There are two options here: either a) he's not interested enough and so he's not calling or b) he's playing emotional games and wants you to be the first to call. Either option does not work in his favor. Even a shy guy, once he's gotten a date with you or your number, will call or text after a few days of hoping you'll be the one to break the ice because this in lets him know he at least has a shot.
- Think about how he talks to you. When he talks to you, does he respect you or does he make little comments that put you down? Not just teasing but hurtful comments, even if he passes them off as jokes. A man who doesn't respect you is probably not all that interested in you and even if he thinks he's interested in you, he certainly doesn't deserve you. Look for a guy that talks to you like an equal, that would never say anything hurtful if he could help it, and is more interested in building you up rather than pulling you down.
- Consider how he talks about you. You should also pay attention to how he talks about you. How does he describe you when he introduces you to other people. Introducing you at all is a good sign, since if he really doesn't care about you it probably won't even occur to him. However, if you're dating you should be worried if he is reluctant to call you his girlfriend. If you're friends, look for the tone of voice he uses when he says that you're his friend. Is the word emphasized? That's not a very good sign either.
- A guy who's really interested and really cares will rush to introduce you using the most familiar term that he thinks he can get away with because he's proud and excited that you like him enough to be around him.
- Look at the time that he spends with you. Think about how much time he spends with you. Does he only do it when he has nothing better to do? Or does he find reasons to hang out with you pretty much as often as he can? If he's inviting you to all sorts of things and generally trying to hang out a lot, this is a pretty good sign that he's interested.
- Look at the sacrifices he makes for you. Another indicator is whether or not he makes sacrifices for you. If he blows off his friends to hang out with you, that's a good sign. If he skips out on a night of CoD to help you study for a test, that's a good sign. We usually only make sacrifices for people that we really care about, so if he's sacrificing for you, he probably likes you.
- Compare how much he talks about you to how much he talks about his ex. If you're dating or getting into that border region and he talks more about his ex than he does about you, that's not a good sign. She'll be the furthest thing from his mind if he really has feelings for you. However, if he's comparing something you do to something she used to do or something similar, he's probably just using you to make himself feel better. Be careful, it might not last.
- Don't expect things to move too quickly. Things moving at about the speed of evolution tells you that he's not interested. However, things moving at the speed of light can be a bad sign too. If he's really smitten, he'll want to get things just perfect and so taking things a bit slow might be par for the course. Don't panic if he isn't instantly ripping your clothes off but also don't let yourself be taken advantage of.
- Ask yourself if he's changed himself for you. Another clear sign that a guy is smitten is if he makes changes to his personality or habits in order to please or impress you. If he starts working out, going back to school, dressing better, cleaning more, being nicer, quitting smoking, or anything like that: he likes you. He wants to be the man he thinks you deserve. It's cute.
- Notice what he wants or doesn't want to share with you. A guy that's really into you will want to share his life with you. He'll be itching to introduce you to his friends and eventually even his family. He'll want to show you the things he likes and the places where he goes for fun. However, a guy that's not interested or one who's taking advantage of you will hide things from you. If he doesn't want you to see his phone: watch out. If he makes excuses for why he doesn't think you should meet his friends, even though you've been dating for 6 months: run for the hills. If he refuses to tell you where he goes on Thursday nights: check yourself. These are all signs that he doesn't trust you.
- Check his alcohol level. If he's drunk every time he calls you or insists on alcohol being present when the two of you are hanging out, that's a bad sign. If you know him better drunk than sober, that's a bad sign. Not because it shows a character flaw (although it might), but because it shows that he only likes you when his brain functions about as well as a crowded public toilet.
- Ask yourself the most important question. Has he asked you out? This is the most important question when determining if a guy is interested in you. A guy that is seriously interested, as we said above, will move Heaven and Earth to be with you. Super shy guys might have trouble popping the question, so look for false-starts (they say they want to talk to you alone but get really bashful and then talk about something dumb instead), but otherwise if a guy is really serious about you he will find a way to be with you.
Getting Extra Help
- Find Mr. Right. If you're getting nowhere with this guy or if you want to find out if he's really worth the trouble, consider giving some real thought to if he really is Mr. Right. You deserve Mr. Right. Settle for no less.
- Start attracting good men. If he turns out to be a total loser, you might want to take a hard look at the kind of guy you're attracting and pursuing. It's easy to send out the wrong kind of message that only ends in your heartbreak, but it's just as easy to avoid.
- Learn what love looks like. Just make sure, when you're evaluating relationships, that you know what real love looks like. It's easy to talk ourselves into accepting bad behavior from someone that we like a lot, but you shouldn't let yourself become a victim. Your happiness is important.
- Get him to ask you out. If this guy is passing all the Good Guy tests and he seems like he really does like you, a little goading can push him over the edge and finally ask you out. Sometimes, especially with shy guys, they might need a little coaxing.
- Ask him out yourself. If he really isn't budging but you think his feelings are genuine, you can take the initiative and ask him out yourself. There's nothing wrong with this. Just realize that you might end up with an answer you don't like. Then again, you could end up blissfully happy!
Tips
- Don't ever go for a kiss until you and your partner feel comfortable.
- This may not last long so don't expect anything more than good friends until he says that he loves you.
- Respect is very important. Make sure there is plenty of that in your relationship!
- Don't let a guy pressure you into doing something you are not comfortable with.
- Be sure you are in a public place and it's been some time before you get very intimate (sex). That way you'll know where you stand and you didn't risk your health and or invest too much.
Warnings
- Never date anyone who may want you for your money. It is not safe.
- It is not the best idea to get pregnant until you get the wedding. Because he may break up and you will have no one to help you with your kid(s).
