Attract Good Men
Have you noticed that "nice guys" seem to increasingly be total jerks? Are you tired of dating guy after guy that just constantly takes advantage of you? Do you wish you had a guy as awesome as the total sweetheart your best friend landed? You can have wonderful guys too! It's easier than it sounds.
Contents
Steps
Finding Your Man
- Start with nice friends. Surrounding yourself with quality people is a good start towards finding a great guy. Don't tolerate any of the bad behavior in your friend group that you wouldn't want to see in a significant other. This makes you more likely to turn a friendship into a good relationship, or to meet good people that are friends with other good (and totally single) guys.
- Avoid the places you're looking now. If you're using a combination of bars and Craigslist, that's your main problem. Stop. Most of the "usual" places are where you're likely to find the most losers. Also: weddings, clubs, parties, the gym, etc. All those places where guys know you'll be looking for love. If you stick to the usual spots, you'll be more likely to meet guys looking to take advantage of you.
- Try charity events. Guys are much less likely to be looking to meet someone at charity events but such places are highly likely to attract guys with their priorities in the right place. Surprise a guy by sweeping him off his feet when he least expects it.
- Try your work. A good portion of coupes meet at work. This is another place where guys will not come to prey, so you're know that you're probably safe. It's also a lot easier to gauge who's single!
- Try church. Well, of course, any place of worship will do. Exercise your spiritual side and invite the opportunity to meet a guy with his heart in the right place and with similar morals and ideas to you.
- If you're not the bible-thumping type, there are lots of churches with more laid-back attitudes that focus on inspiration and practical moral guidance.
- Try asking friends. It seems silly, but just ask your friends for help. Ask them to set you up. Your social circle may have been milked dry, but all your friends know more people than just you. You may be surprised by what they can come up with.
Presenting Yourself
- Respect yourself. This is the most important part of finding a good guy. You HAVE to respect yourself. You have to believe that you deserve a good guy (and you do, so that shouldn't be too hard). Stop beating yourself up. Stop allowing people to walk all over you. Stand up for yourself and do the things that make you happy. And stop apologizing for wanting things.
- This means dressing nicely as well. You should dress like you want to be respected and taken seriously. Don't wear anything too tight or revealing. Wear something that would be good for going out to a nice lunch or dinner with your parents. At work, dress like you intend to be the next manager.
- Be confident. Bad guys are looking for those that doubt themselves. That think they aren't worth as much because they're "fat" or "ugly" or "poor". Don't ever let anyone think you see yourself as less. Be confident. Speak your mind. Don't apologize. Avoid seeming shy. It doesn't have to be real, of course: for most people it's just an act.
- Take initiative. Don't wait for Prince Charming to come to you. Get out there and find him. Ask guys out on dates. The nice ones, the actually nice ones, tend to be shy or inexperienced and may need a little help getting started.
- Try, for example, "If you ask me to go with you to that new art exhibit opening this weekend, I wouldn't say no."
- Take things slow. Being too quick to jump into bed with a guy tends to tell them that you're desperate and they don't have to try as hard. Make them realize that you, like them, are worth putting in some effort for.
- Be yourself. Pretending to be what you think guys want is just going to attract guys that are looking for all the wrong things. If you just get out there and be yourself, you'll attract a guy that's looking for you.
Choosing a Guy
- Get your priorities straight. If you're putting an emphasis on guys that look super hot instead of guys that work hard and treat you right, you're going to have a rough time. Make sure you recognize what's really important and you'll be finding great guys before you know it.
- Set the bar high. Guys will live up to the standards you set for them. If you don't tolerate poor behavior and disrespect, then you won't see any more of it. If a guy does something that upsets you, say so. If he's being a jerk, stand up for yourself.
- Ask about his mom. Or, really, any of the women in his life. Get him to talk about them. If he clearly loves and respects them, that's a good sign.
- Notice how he treats others. If he's nice to other people, that's also a good sign of what you can expect towards you. Especially pay attention to how he treats people who are "beneath" him (like waiters, homeless people, door-to-door folks, and kids). If he's nice to the sort of people that people are usually mean to, you're in good shape.
- Notice how he talks to you. Does he ask about your career? Does he use terms like "you" and "we" more than terms like "I " and "me"? Does he talk in a future tense about your relationship? These are good signs. Look for language that shows that he cares about you and values your relationship.
Tips
- If you're smart enough to recognize that you deserve a good man in your life, you'll find one. Your soul mate is walking this earth this very minute and he's waiting for you.
- Remember to compliment him as much as you'd want him to compliment you. It's a give and take relationship from the start. Work as much as you want him working for you.
- Respect his space. Just because he doesn't devote all his time to you doesn't mean he doesn't deeply care about you. A good man will be easy to recognize when you are with him and make you like him even more when you're apart.
- See how he behaves with girls before you talk to him. If he's touchy feely, odds are that's all he wants from you. If he's shy, be a little more bold to get him out of his shell. If he's outgoing, step into his show and be just as outgoing.
Warnings
- It's important to see your guy when he's put in a difficult situation. Not only will you see what his temper is like, but you'll be able to see how he carries himself. Does he easily get frustrated and rude? It's good to see this done so you can know what could happen if you got in a fight.
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