Make Friends when You Are Not Social
Not all of us are naturally social butterflies, but that doesn't mean that we don't need human love and companionship, too. It might take a little more effort, but everybody has the ability to create and maintain lasting friendships. Before you write yourself off as a "loner," read this article to learn how to make friends and be social regardless of how shy, timid, and pessimistic you may think you are.
Contents
Steps
Overcoming Personal Reservations
- Let go of insecurities. If you constantly criticize yourself and tell yourself that you're not likable and that nobody wants to be around you, then that's the message you'll put out there and people will be turned off. Before you can make friends, you have to first believe that you can make friends.
- People who are shy tend to avoid social contact because they anticipate a negative outcome. Don't play out scenarios in your head before they happen, just take things as they come.
- Tell yourself that you're social. Even if you don't believe it initially, the more you tell yourself that you are capable of making friends and that you are interesting and likable, the easier it will be for you to interact with others. Try to tell yourself this everyday. If you catch yourself criticizing yourself and saying "I'm such a loser," then immediately correct the thought and tell yourself it isn't true.
- Make a list of your positive qualities. No matter who you are, you absolutely do have positive qualities that you can bring to a friendship. Make a list of all the things that you think you can offer to others, like being trustworthy, funny, smart, etc. Try not to focus on superficial things like money or looks.
- Be positive. Everybody wants to be around optimistic, upbeat, happy individuals. Remember that being negative is a choice; nobody is inherently doomed to being a negative person. It will, however, take some practice to shift your perspective.
- Try to counter every negative thought with a positive one. No matter where you are or what you are doing, try to find at least once positive aspect of your situation.
- It's important to also be positive when talking to others. Nobody wants to be around people who constantly complain about their own misfortunes. This is especially important when meeting new people. Share the highlights of your life with them rather than the low points, and you'll instantly find that people are attracted to that and will want to know more about you.
- Stop judging others. Nobody is perfect, not even you. If you keep waiting around for perfect people to enter your life, you will be waiting for a long time. This doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be friends with anyone and everyone you meet, but you must be willing to get to know people before casting them away.
- Your friends don't have to be exactly like you. In fact, sometimes the best friendships stem from people who have opposite personalities or tastes. Don't reject people just because you don't share the same taste in music or opinions about politics. What matters is how the person makes you feel when you are around them.
- Be genuine. If you want to make true, lasting friends, you will have to be willing to let others in to your life and create a sense of mutual trust. Ask people how they are doing, and genuinely listen to what they have to say. Offer support if somebody confides in you, and always keep private information that they share with you to yourself.
- Don't gossip about your friends. Though some friendly gossip between friends every now and then can be harmless, gossiping too much or constantly saying negative things behind other peoples' backs will reflect poorly on you, and your friends will be hesitant to trust you in the future.
- Learn how to put yourself in other peoples' shoes. If a conflict of any sort arises, consider the other person's perspective, and think about how you would feel if you were in his or her position. Learning how to practice empathy will help you fight off the feelings of anger, jealousy, and resentment that may be holding you back from having meaningful friendships.
Finding Opportunities to Meet Others
- Watch your body language. If you are at a party or other social gathering, your body language is extremely important. Avoid crossing your arms, standing in the corner, scowling, or staring at your phone, as each of these things suggests that you don't want to be approached.
- Be sure to smile. Smiling makes you look open to meeting others, less intimidating, and more attractive. Even if you have to force it, put a smile on your face. Eventually it will become second nature!
- Talk to strangers. If you want to be a social person, you can't compartmentalize your life by separating your "social life" from your "work life," your "school life," or your "family life." To be truly social, you must be friendly and sociable in all aspects of your life. Practice this by saying hello and being friendly to everyone you encounter, from the bank teller to your teachers to the barista at your favorite café.
- Make the initiative. Don't constantly wait around for friends to call you and make plans. Being passive and not initiating plans sends the impression that you are uninterested in the friendship. If you'd like to see your friends, pick up the phone and call them.
- Consider throwing a party and inviting all of your friends, peers, and/or coworkers. Tell them to bring some of their friends, and make an effort to meet mutual friends.
- Come up with fun activities to invite your friend(s) too. Invite them to lunch, ask them if they'd like to see a new movie, or invite them to do an outdoor activity of some sort.
- Say yes to new opportunities. Every new situation you put yourself in is an opportunity to meet new people. If somebody asks you to come to a party where you don't know anybody, then say yes. You never know who you may meet, and if you don't know any of the people to begin with, then you really have nothing to lose.
- Create new opportunities for yourself. Start a new hobby, join a sports team, or travel to a new place. Try to pick activities that involve being around other like-minded individuals.
