Make Peace With a Friend After a Fight
Making peace with friends following a fight is an important step to maintaining harmonious and happy relations between the two of you. Whether or not you go on to maintain your friendship is a matter for the two of you but it is important to resolve any lasting anger and address it rather than let it fester. Here are some suggestions for making peace following the fight.
Contents
Steps
After the Fight
- Leave your friend alone for a while. It will provide some time for both of you to cool off. Also calm yourself and think about what you want to say to your friend that makes sense and accepts your share of the responsibility for the fight.
- Keep an open mind. Despite any strong feelings you may have, it is always best to approach a resolution with an open mind.
- Be aware that giving someone time isn't always the best solution. it varies from person to person. Some people, although they try to avoid it, would prefer direct confrontation in order to get the issue resolved.
- Call or text your friend about catching up again. Do this when you're relatively certain that both of you have had ample time to cool off. You must feel ready to talk to your friend again at this stage; if not, give it a bit longer before calling to reconcile. When you call, ask to meet up somewhere if possible, as it is better to apologize and sort things out face to face.
- Be ready to apologize when you call or text. Keep it simple and save the big apology for when you meet up and discuss it again. However, also be prepared for the possibility that your friend wants to sort it out by phone, in which case, you'll just have to be ready with your apology.
Making Peace with Your Friend
- Be sincere and humble. Apologize for your role in the fight. Accept that you had equal responsibility for the fight and don't try to blame your friend. Insisting that your friend apologizes for their part in it will only make things worse and isn't going to smooth the way to a harmonious resolution.
- If your friend has very little reason to be mad at you and you have a big reason to be mad at them, be more mature than your friend. Feeling like the bigger person may even feel better than winning some petty fight.
- If you have done something that has offended your friend, accept it, apologize and don't argue with whatever fair retaliation your friend wants. If they want time, give them time, if they want you to keep apologizing, do it.
- Avoid repetitive use of the word "you". Doing this comes off as an attack on the other person and risks escalating the conflict.
- Listen carefully to what your friend says. Read your friend's body language carefully. Ensure that your body language isn't communicating something you don't intend. Situations may not have been as they appeared and there's always room to learn.
- Do not appease your friend by saying "sorry" over and over again. It is a form of lying to them because there is a point at which you aren't sorry but you are wanting this over and done with. If your friend accuses you of doing something you didn't do, tell them. If they say you did something you didn't, tell them you didn't. Don't get angry with your friend, just stay calm and repeat the facts as you understand them to be.
- Don't try to balance things out between the two of you, it isn't a contest. Both of you have probably done things that have annoyed the other.
- Do not leave issues unresolved but at the same time know when to take a break. Don't keep pushing for a resolution if it is obvious that your friend isn't interested in one. Find a temporary solution that allows both of your to agree to disagree for now, and agree to resolve the issue later.
- Try to lay low for a while if your friend is still seething and resentful. Don't start any gossip and do not get involved with any fights or rumors that could damage this friendship any further. Just continue to be nice and to keep trying to resolve the issue. Let your friend know that you're still there for them when they're ready.
- Be open minded and willing to forgive your friend if they are in the wrong. Don't hold any grudge against them after you've made up. Instead, work on strengthening your friendship, by hanging out, talking, or doing fun activities together. Conflict is a healthy element to every strong relationship and if handled well, tightens the bonds rather than weakening them.
Tips
- If you are mad at a friend, tell them how you feel. Do not completely go off on them. If they go off on you they were never truly your friend, a real friend will understand you.
- Note your friend's body language, if they're dismissive for most of the time you spend trying to resolve the conflict, take a break.
- Don't lie. Lying while trying to make amends is the worst thing possible that you can do. If you did something that they are angry about, apologize for it, really deeply apologize for it, and mean it.
- Keep calm and make sure every turn that you take is smart and convincing, add a little past memory in there, say sorry once in a while, don't sound annoying, it will make it worse. Just try to be friends with them again, and also don't pile on more junk.
- Use humor to lighten up the mood to break the awkwardness after making peace with the certain friend.
- Try over and over again, and don't let your ego take over. Remember, your ego will make the relationship have a better chance of failing.
- Make sure you don't bring up what happened after the fight if you aren't comfortable with it.
Warnings
- If you or your friend has not cooled off yet. Just calmly admit that more time needs to pass for a truly calm conversation to occur, and walk away, get off the phone, or otherwise end the conversation politely.
- If you are in a fight with a group, never ditch your friends to go with someone else. Not only will your friends get angry, but if you try going back to your friend, the others will feel you are using them.
- Don't get mad at your friend again after you're calmly polite.
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