Fix a Broken Friendship

Friendships are built on trust. Many a confidence is shared between two 'good' friends, and once that confidence has been violated, then expect the friendship to be broken. It is difficult, and at times impossible to restore a friendship, and most of the time, it will never be the same. But if you work on trying to get along and fix things it may turn out to be a better situation.

Steps

  1. Think about the situation. Why are you fighting? This is an important first step—your apology will seem pointless if you can't explain what you are apologizing for, and may lead to making the fight worse.
  2. Talk to her/him. Tell them how you feel about what happened. Tell them that you want to be friends again, and point out certain things that you miss about them. If necessary show your emotions by crying or hugging.
    • Even under the worst of circumstances an honest face to face conversation may be all that is needed to reestablish a bond.
  3. Take the initiative. Be open about wanting to fix your friendship. Friends should not play (mind) games with each other. If you truly love this person and want them to stay your friend, be open about your feelings towards them.
    • Say you are sorry. You have to mean it however; the person will be able to tell if you're being sincere or not. It's the best word to use to explain your feelings. Leave it as a message on their answering machine if they have not answered your phone calls.
    • Even if you consider yourself a victim in the fight, it's important to apologize. It's likely that your friend feels the same way, and hearing you say sorry will help let them know it's not going to hurt their pride if they apologize to you.
  4. Be calm and open to what your friend is saying. Getting defensive will cause your friend to do the same, which will make it hard for the two of you to work things out.
  5. Create an open discussion. When possible, and if the other friend agrees, try to sit down for coffee or something with them and talk things out. Wait at least three days to do this because the person will probably still be upset if earlier. It really depends though on how intense the fight was. When your friend speaks, listen. Be sincere in the things you have to say. Your friend will know if you are being insincere.
    • Speak quietly and from the heart. Allow them to feel the pain that you feel, and the loneliness you have endured since the break up of the friendship.
    • Explain how much you value and miss their friendship, and that you would like to speak to them in person.
    • Crack a Joke. Friends love jokes. Jokes are fun. Life should be fun. Life's not a whole lot without your good friend there. When the tension starts to ease, and you get details out of the way, lighten the mood. Be careful though. Do not make a joke referring to the fight..ever. This can be seen as offensive and as if you did not take the person seriously.
  6. Step into their shoes. Try to sit back and see another perspective besides your own. This is a situation where one needs to think critically. It's not simple to try to understand other people. Think about recent events that have gone on in your friend's life. Try to understand the reason that your relationship got to such a heated level. Part of gaining understanding of another person's perspective may involve speaking to mutual friends or family members of that person. Be careful though, because a mutual friend can be dangerous to talk to. They may be trying to manipulate the situation for their own benefit, or things that you say may inadvertently get twisted when they get back to the friend you're fighting with.
  7. Learn from what happened. Never regret it, because in life you learn and grow stronger from mistakes you have made and problems you have gone through.
  8. Show him/her that you are sorry. This goes beyond the conversation that the two of you have. Whether or not they choose to forgive you, show your friend that you did not want to hurt him/her, and that you truly regret whatever you did. Go out of your way to put their needs in front of yours until you feel that things are on the mend.
  9. Gradually repair your friendship. Start talking to them more and more, don't go for the whole thing at once.



Tips

  • If they continue to hurt your feelings or show you no respect, walk away. Always remember, if they don't want you, you don't need them. There is always another person out there needing a good friend. Also, never say your sorry over and over again. There is always a limit.
  • Try to be honest with yourself and your friend.
  • Let them know how you're feeling about this. Don't use attitude towards them, they may end up leaving and not want to fix this situation.
  • It would not be a good idea to call or text them to many times because they might get annoyed or even more mad at you. Instead do one thing a week to help.
  • Actions speak louder then words. Just don't say sorry, show in your actions that you're sorry and want your friendship back.
  • Be as calm as possible and do not yell at them.
  • Don't be overeager. Don't call your friend every day crying about how you want to fix things, it makes you look needy will fuel the flame for your friend to continue to be mad.
  • It is best to wait a couple of days until your friend's anger has simmered before confronting them. This gives both of you time to calm down and think about what happened and the best way to fix the incident.
  • A face-to-face conversation with the person is more likely to get their attention.
  • Be a good listener, once they have finished what they have said completely, respond and give your thoughts.
  • Don't talk about the fight to third parties, unless you're asking for help on how to mend the friendship. Don't gossip about your friend in between the time you fight and apologize.
  • Don't cry just because you want them to feel bad for you. If you don't have to cry then don't do it, because many times they can tell when it's fake!
  • Tell them how true your friendship is and how much it means to you.
  • Don't act desperate.
  • When you meet, hug, and say 'I am sorry'. Be honest, and apologize for your thoughtlessness. Tell them how much your friendship meant, and that you hope you can get it back.
  • After you fix your friendship, be more caring towards your friend and don't fight over the same thing again. When you fight with your friend again, give in to him/her. Slowly, your friend will feel that you care for him/her and he/she would treat you the the same way, so be caring to your friend! Friendship could not be bought, it is something that gives us happiness and pain.
  • Don't point out what they did wrong.
  • Clearly explain the issues to them.
  • Suggest a compromise for whatever happened.
  • Even if you feel like the victim, don't act out on any anger or other negative emotions. Blowing up on the person will just add another complication to the situation. Instead of letting your emotions control you, try giving yourself a moment to calm down before responding, and keep in mind that sacrificing your ego and apologizing is often necessary.
  • It's okay to cry and show emotion, it shows you care.
  • Sometimes being nice won't always work, show that you can be independent and make them want to be friends with you

Warnings

  • Do not think that because they don't want to make up now, they will never want to make up. Give them some time!
  • Make sure that you will not explode when they say something that might tempt you to get very angry. If you start yelling at them, you may possibly lose the chance of ever being friends with them again.
  • Make sure you're not still angry at this person.
  • Do not leave repeated messages on their machines. Leave two or three, but not a hundred. That will make them think that you are too clingy and they won't want to be around you.
  • Don't hover around them if they don't accept your apology. If they don't care, they aren't good enough to be your friend. Get some new friends, just relax.
  • Do not to try to influence them to feel as if they are not wanted

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