Make Up with a Friend

If you are feeling like it is time to repair a friendship and get it back to normal than you have come to the right place. Whether you want to talk face-to-face, write a message, or send a gift, take a look at the following steps and prepare to get your hug on!

Steps

For a Face-to-Face Talk

  1. Take a few moments (or longer) to remind yourself of all the great qualities your friend has and why the two of you are friends in the first place.
  2. Have some quiet time. Go in your room and cool off for a few minutes. Relax and think through the good time between you and your friend or maybe think what you should say when you go up to him/her. 
  3. Let the good feelings about your friendship give you the courage to talk with your friend. Someone has to take the first step and the fact that you are reading this article shows that you care enough for it to be you.
  4. Even if it wasn't your fault, apologize for the way you have acted when you begin your conversation. Tell your friend that you care about him or her. Bringing up a good memory that you and your friend share can help start a good conversation. This is not the time to bring up what may have caused the argument. This is the time to focus on why the friendship is important and how to repair it.
  5. Bring up the argument or incident once you feel your friend is willing to talk. See “Tips” below for some ideas to keep the conversation positive and productive.
  6. Be prepared for the fact that your friend may not be ready to repair things yet. See “Tips” below on what to do if this happens. Be patient and understanding of his or her feelings and keep your feelings in check.
  7. Make sure you remind your friend again of how much you value the friendship and how much you care for him or her whether your friend is ready to repair things or not.
  8. Give your friend a hug.

For a Written Message

  1. Decide if you want to write a note or send a text.
  2. Write in Word or another program if you decide to write a note so you can check spelling and grammar. Your friend deserves the best, right?
  3. Use formal language when sending a text and avoid text language such as LOL or TTYL. Emoticons such as smiley faces are okay as long as they are positive and support your honest feelings.
  4. Begin your message with something you appreciate about your friend. Let him or her know that you value them and that is why you want things to be repaired.
  5. Make your note or text short and to the point. Avoid repeating yourself or straying from what it is you are trying to say.
  6. Be honest with your feelings and avoid placing blame on your friend. Remember: Keep your message short and to the point.
  7. Finish your message with a request to have a face-to-face conversation. Tell your friend you miss him or her and that you hope to hear from him or her very soon.

For Sending a Gift

  1. Find a gift that represents something the two of you enjoy together. For example, if you and your friend enjoy eating lunch at a certain restaurant, consider purchasing a gift card from there.
  2. Deliver your gift personally. If that is not an option, try to leave the gift at your friend’s house. Keep the gift private and don’t include others in giving it.
  3. Make sure the gift has a note with it explaining why you are giving the gift and that you would like to repair things as soon as he or she is ready. Let your friend know that you hope to hear from him or her very soon.

Tips

  • Your friend might not be ready or not want to make up so be really diplomatic when talking to your friend but still remember to express your true feelings otherwise they might not get the right message.
  • Your friend might not be ready or not want to make up so be respectful of their decision.
  • Don't talk all about yourself. Let them say what they want to say then they will know that your willing to repair the friendship.
  • You don't have to be too serious to rebuild your friendship. You can use informal words to remind your friend that you are fun.
  • For a face-to-face talk:
    • Find a quiet, private place to talk
    • Keep good eye contact as you talk
    • Be honest with your feelings and try not to “point a finger” at your friend
    • Be a good listener! Give your friend as much time to share his or her feelings as your friend needs (and he or she will probably do the same for you)
    • If your friend is not ready to repair the friendship then tell him or her you understand and that you are willing to give the time that is needed to make things better
    • Let your friend know that you appreciate the time he or she took to talk in the first place and that you hope the friendship can be repaired as soon as possible
  • For a written message:
    • Keep things short and simple
    • Stay positive and do not blame your friend
    • Avoid using text language such as “ROFL” or “I <3 you”
    • Consider writing a draft of your message that you can read to yourself and edit if needed
  • For sending a gift:
    • Make the gift as personal as possible
    • The gift does not have to be expensive to mean something
    • Make sure to include a note as to why you are sending the gift
  • Good friends have fights, but if you are really angry, be careful to not spread a secret the person has told you. It may seem like good revenge for now, but it will not help at all in the long run.
  • When buying a gift, always consider chocolate.
  • Don't just say "sorry", be detailed. Say why you're sorry, why you did it, and such.
  • If your friend is not ready to fix the friendship, don't get upset. It might work out later on and if it doesn't you can still be with your other friends.
  • Don't interrupt your friend when he/she is talking. Listen to the points that he or she is making, wait for him or her to finish, and respond to these points respectfully, being mature in the process. You should also avoid yelling and shouting.

Warnings

  • Do not involve other people; keep things private and respectful between you and your friend
  • When a face-to-face does happen, do not raise your voice or talk over your friend if things get a little heated
    • Reminding yourself of positive things about your friend and breathing slowly will help you keep your cool
  • Do not be afraid to agree to disagree with your friend
    • You each have something unique to bring to the friendship so celebrate your differences

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