Make Your In Laws Like You
You live a happy life with your husband/wife, idealistic in fact, apart from one thing––the dreaded in-laws. It's the same old story––seemingly they don't like you, even though you want them to. Perhaps they don't think you're good enough, or they just don't feel you fit in. Maybe you set the Christmas tree on fire by accident, and they haven't recovered since. Here's a guide to get on their better side.
Contents
Steps
Respecting your spouse
- Discuss the issue with your spouse. If anyone knows your in-laws, it's your spouse. You should try to find out what they do and do not like in people so you know how to act around them. You may find out that your in-laws do not like when someone is "too nice", so to speak.
- Treat your partner with love and respect. Any person's family want their family member to be happy and loved. Any hint this is not the case and they will begin to form negative opinions. Never argue or have a spat in front of your partner's family. Not only will the family side with your family making you outnumbered it is a source of embarrassment to your partner to have you act in that manner.
- Acknowledge the importance of your in-laws to your partner. Do not try to come between your partner and their family. Not only will this create issues within your relationship but will instantly put your in-laws offside. If you have a troublesome in-law, speak respectfully to your partner in private and ask them to address the person or issue. Do not take the lead in someone's else family unless it is an urgent or unsafe issue.
Respecting your in-laws
- Treat your in-laws with respect, regardless of any lack of respect from them. Be the role model they need to live up to. Unless they've done something terrible (such as abused your spouse or something of that nature), treat them with respect. Respect goes a long way, and you might find them being able to open themselves up easier to you.
- Be polite. If you put up an attitude, your in-laws are less likely to take to you. However, if you say your please and thank-you's, they will most likely see you as a friendly, approachable person.
- Use good manners in their presence. Be on your best behavior. If you're invited to their home for a meal, take a bottle of wine or something appropriate. Always offer to assist in the kitchen and offer to clean up. Remembering simple courtesies like that will go a long way to a positive reception.
- Do not try to change your partner's family in any way. Remember they have been a family for longer than you have known them and have established their own customs and norms. While you personally might not like certain things, you are not in a position to assert authority over them or demand like a diva they do things your way.
Going the extra mile
- Smile and act as though you're glad to see them. This will most likely cheer them up about seeing you, as well as making you appear friendly.
- Bring gifts that interest your in-laws. Gifts are a great way to show how much you like someone. Find out what kinds of things your in-laws are into, and give them presents. Make sure you remember birthdays!
- Talk to your in-laws. You can talk about an array of things. Discuss what you both have in common. Doing this will often lighten the atmosphere, and you may be surprised to find how many similar likes you both have. Try to avoid arguments, as that can quickly turn into bitterness against you.
- Get to know your in-laws as people. Everyone has a story to tell and things to learn about each other that help form the common basis of all relationships. Get to know your in-laws as people not just someone you have to interact with. This may open up new perspectives on the reasons they act or do things the way they do. It also greatly helps when it comes time to buying gifts.
- Become comfortable around them. If you act tense and uncomfortable around them, they may become the same way. Your in-laws may become offended if you act distanced from them, and may think that you do not like them.
Tips
- If they see that you are making your spouse happy, they will usually look to that as a positive. So be good to your spouse in front of them!
- Don't forget that they may have the same insecurities about you that you have of them. Maybe they want you to like them, but they just don't know how to do that? Just accept the situation and be yourself, be relaxed, and encourage them to be themselves. Remember that your spouse came from this house, there has to be a common thread somewhere for you to get along.
- Try being involved in their interests - drink a Corona Light with them or learn about football. They will most likely return the favor.
- Relax. They aren't a major part of your life and they are not going to kill you. If they get really bad try asking them what you could do so they could like you.
- Ask your other half how to get round to the good side of their parents, they have most likely argued with them and then got in their good books again.
- Just be kind!
- If you act needy or look for their approval, they may surmise that your marriage is weak. Submission is not respect. Be kind but also confident enough to assert boundaries. If they don't like you, that is not your problem.
Warnings
- Unless your in-laws have made it very clear they don't like you (for example - if they have told you that explicitly) you shouldn't ask them what you could do to make them like you, they might actually like you but have a strange way of showing it and might find this quite rude.
- Sometimes you may not be able to earn their respect and kindness. You will most likely not be able to change them, so you may have to distance yourself.
