Make an Ex Girlfriend Suffer

Breaking up is hard to do, especially when it’s on not-so-good terms. But there is plenty you can do to move on from a nasty breakup. Looking at the breakup as an opportunity to remake yourself and attain a healthier mindset will both help the emotional healing process and leave you feeling happier.

Steps

Changing Your Lifestyle

1. Get an education. Change your life through the power of education. You will simultaneously enrich your mind, increase your earning potential, and become a force to be reckoned with on trivia nights. If you’ve never graduated high school, enroll in a GED course. These are often available through your local high school or library. If you’ve never graduated college, visit some local college campuses and submit the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) to discover what kind of financial aid is out there to help you attend college.
   • Educating yourself doesn’t need to be expensive. Start reading more. Visit your local library and ask the librarian to recommend books that every well-educated person should read. Read a balance of both nonfiction and fiction. Watch documentaries about the topics you are interested in. Write your thoughts, feelings, and reactions to what you’ve seen or read when finished.
   • You could also visit a local museum. Tours or talks at local museums or landmarks can be a great source for building your historical, archaeological, and scientific knowledge.
   • There are tons of free courses online covering a variety of topics. Check out edx.org, openculture.com, and coursera.org for access to some great free learning material.
2. Pick up a new hobby or rediscover old ones. Read a book, catch a movie with some friends, or start a band. Invite your friends to try something new with you. Whatever you like to do, do it! You might try:
   • riding a roller coaster
   • baking a cake
   • learning karate
   • climbing a mountain
   • learning a musical instrument
   • swimming
   • writing poetry
3. Work harder. Now that you’re unattached, you’ll have more time and energy to devote to your job. Put in longer hours at the office. Go the extra mile on reports, presentations, and company projects. Go to your local library and ask for books about professional development, with a focus on your chosen field. After a few months of really exceptional work, pursue a raise or promotion. Even if you don’t get it, you’ll feel good about the way you’ve improved your work and given it your all.
   • A breakup can be an opportunity to institute other positive changes in your life as well. If you are unhappy in your current employment, consider changing jobs. Update your resume and start browsing classifieds online and in your local newspaper for something more suited to your temperament.
4. Open yourself to new experiences. Cash in those vacation days at work and travel somewhere new and interesting. It doesn’t have to be out of the country, but challenging yourself by encountering people, foods, and situations you aren’t familiar with promotes personal growth and makes you more open to new experiences. If you don’t have money or time for extended travel, you can still find plenty of ways to explore the world around you. Try an exotic dish, or travel locally to a nearby landmark. Additionally, you might:
   • Get a shave or a haircut.
   • Get a tattoo (henna if you prefer a less permanent option).
   • Buy some new clothes.
   • Throw a “Free At Last” party. Invite all your friends (and her friends too, if you can swing it).
5. Get in shape. Besides making you more attractive to women, getting healthy and fit will channel all your post-breakup frustration and energy in a constructive way. Adjust your diet and exercise daily for at least thirty minutes. A whole foods diet with lots of grains, fruits, and vegetables will make you feel energized and healthy.
   • You can exercise at home by doing yoga, lifting weights, riding an exercise bike, using an exercise ball, or running on a treadmill. Use exercise DVDs at home to guide you through unfamiliar workouts. Alternately, you could strap on your running shoes or hop your bicycle for some fresh air if you don’t want to be cooped up at home. You could also get a membership to your local gym. Adopt a diet with little to no added sugar, fat, or cholesterol.
   • Ensure your workout plan covers all major muscle groups and consists of:
     • a warmup (brisk walking) and stretching (such as touching your left foot with your right hand while not bending your knees)
     • an aerobic workout (getting your heart rate up through running or bike-riding)
     • a strength-building workout (lifting weights) requiring 10-15 reps of each exercise
     • a cooldown period (walking for at least ten minutes)
   • Diets rich in fiber, whole grains, nuts, seeds, fruits, and vegetables will improve your health Drink water and limit your intake of caffeinated beverages and alcohol.

Practicing Healthy Emotional Management

1. Be happy. Finding happiness is a lifelong journey, but there are a number of ways to reach it. Form “happiness habits” which make being happy second nature by doing one of the following:
   • Try to find happiness in everyday situations. Tell yourself a story as you go through the day, focusing especially on the good things. For instance, maybe you ate a delicious breakfast, heard a funny joke from a coworker, or took a relaxing shower. Appreciating and remembering these simple things can make a mediocre day great.
   • Spend time with friends and family who care about and respect you.
   • Practice empathy. If a client or guest is late, or your kids make a mess, try to empathize with them instead of becoming angry. After all, nobody can be punctual all the time, and kids tend to make messes once in awhile.
   • Practice meditation. Regular mediation will adjust the “set point” in your brain, the point at which you feel happy or unhappy. You will become more empathetic and feel happy more often.
2. Forgive your ex-girlfriend. Even if she doesn’t deserve it, you do. When you hold on to a grudge or to pain someone else caused you, it wears you out emotionally and mentally.
   • Breaking up always hurts. Acknowledge that you have been hurt and confront the pain in order to move through it to a state of forgiveness.
   • Accept that both you and your ex-girlfriend are flawed. Nobody is perfect.
   • You don’t need to communicate with the ex-girlfriend you are forgiving to forgive her. However, when you feel ready, you might want to communicate your feelings about your breakup to her.
   • Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are not allowed to continue feeling sad, disappointed, or otherwise.
   • Hating your ex may feel good in the short run, but in the end it will only trap you, and leave you feeling more angry and frustrated.
3. Maintain a positive mental attitude. Viewing your daily life and experiences in a positive way can improve your health, the quality of your relationships, and chances for success. Changing your mental attitude in a positive way will help you realize that life after your ex-girlfriend is gone is still worth living.
   • Practice positive affirmation. When you encounter a negative thought such as “I am never good enough for anyone,” visualize the words in your mind and watch them drift away. Replace this thought with a positive one, such as “I deserve love and respect.”
   • Stay conscious of your thoughts and feelings throughout the day. Doing so will give you control of your mental attitude and help you overcome feelings of jealousy, hate, anger, disappointment, and self-doubt.
   • When you do encounter failures at work or school, reflect on them as opportunities to do something better the next time around. Don’t let one failure -- or breakup – blind you to the fact that you’re equally capable of success and victory.
   • Adopt a daily mantra and begin each day with it. For instance, maybe your personal mantra is “Today will be a good day and I will do my best to make it so.” Recite the words of your personal mantra in front of the mirror before leaving each day.
4. Move on. Don’t dwell on the past. Minimize or eliminate contact between you and your ex. You can be just as happy alone or with someone else as you were with your ex-girlfriend.
   • It is okay to still love your ex-girlfriend. But understand that love alone is often not enough to make a relationship work, especially if it is only felt by one partner in the relationship. Accept your pain and heartbreak, and give yourself time to let your love for your ex transform into the more caring, compassionate, universal love you have for a friend.
   • Stay in contact with mutual acquaintances. Depending on the length of your relationship, you and your ex-girlfriend may share many friends. Moving on with your life doesn’t mean you have to abandon shared friends. Be cordial to them despite whatever happened between you and your ex.

Tips

• Don’t try to convince her that you still care.
• Don’t think that there’s something wrong with you just because your relationship didn’t work out.
• Accept the fact that it’s over.

Warnings

• Don't do anything illegal, or make your ex feel unsafe or intimidated.
• Don’t damage your ex-girlfriend’s property.
• Don’t attempt self-harm or suicide in an attempt to make your ex feel bad.

Related Articles

• Get Rid of an Obsessive Ex Girlfriend
• Win Back a Girl's Heart That's With Another Guy
• Make Your Ex Miss You
• Forget Your Ex Girlfriend
• Get over a Break up Using Technology
• Understand a Cheating Girlfriend

Sources and Citations

See also

• Convince Someone Not to Return to an Abusive Ex
• Handle Harassment from Your Partner's Ex
• Ask Your Ex Out
• Get Over Your Ex
• Deal With Your Ex Boyfriend Who Happens to Be a Co Worker
• Find Out if Your Ex Still Likes You
• Make a Guy That Used to Like You Like You Again
• Win Your Man Back
• Get Your Ex to Fall for You Again
• Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

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