Meet Guys
Meeting guys can be a stressful part of your life. Sometimes, a new relationship falls right into your lap, whether or not it is a good time. Many people find themselves in the opposite position, however. If you are trying to meet a guy and consider a serious relationship with him, you need to know what you want. This will help you narrow the field of eligible men. Don’t cling to this ideal too rigidly, however, because life isn’t that simple.
Contents
Steps
Determining Who You Might Be Interested In
- Think about previous relationships. A great way to gauge who you might want to date is by looking at what worked and what didn’t in the past. Think back to what you loved about a guy, and what made you break up. Even if he broke up with you, you may not have agreed with his decision.
- For example, personality traits that you may pay attention to are previous boyfriends’ neatness, long-term goals, their ability to have a serious conversation, and so on.
- Think about your personality. You may love watching James Bond movies and have a crush on him, but in reality you may not be compatible with smooth talking men. Or, you may be attracted to guys who are extremely laid back, but you demand utmost cleanliness and neatness in your apartment. Think about what you can and can’t ‘live with’ – figuratively, but also literally speaking. You may want to eventually spend extended periods of time together.
- Look at your best friends. Who you are friends with and who you date are not generally the exact same person. However, your best friends may be a good gauge for what you like in other people. There is, additionally, nothing that says you can’t date people you might otherwise consider your buddy. Take a step back and look at what you do with your best friends, and the parts of their personality that make you want to spend time with them.
- Look at past and current roommates. If you are looking for a potential long-term boyfriend, you will sooner or later want to know how you will get along at home. There is no exact formula for what makes great roommates, nor finding the ‘right’ guy. However, think about the behaviors that annoyed you and pleased you the most in previous roommates.
- For example, if you had to quit rooming with someone whose cat was soiling your clothing, a guy with a dog or cat may not be right for you.
- A big one for roommates is how messy people are. There seems to be a spectrum between messy and uptight. The messier folks don’t usually appreciate the uptight people, and vice versa. Use past roommates to try to figure out where you are on this scale. Ideally, guys you date will be near you on this scale.
- Determine how much spare time you have. Relationships are on another spectrum – between casual and serious. Generally speaking, casual relationships need less of a time commitment than serious ones. If you are secure in your career and want to build lifelong relationships, you will probably want to devote more time to new boyfriends. On the other hand, if you are busy all the time and can’t tend to a serious relationship, your needs are much different.
- Think about your life and career goals. Compatibility is much less of an issue in the early phases of a relationship than several years down the road. It is easy to ignore the marriage and baby conversation early on (and even necessary), but you should know what you want. Think about whether you want to settle down anytime soon, and where your career goals might take you.
Looking in the Right Places
- Check out the local nightlife. This is kind of a cliché first step, but it is still preferred by many. If you want a more casual relationship, involving once a week dinner dates, this is a good place to look. You already know that they enjoy nightlife and meeting new people. The local nightlife is a place where strangers from many different backgrounds converge. Who knows, you may intend only to start a casual relationship and meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
- Look where you spend the most time. You and your future boyfriend don’t have to have all the same career goals and hobbies. However, a good place to look for people with similar interests is where you spend your time outside work. This will give you ideas for dates you could go on besides going out to dinner. It is also one way to judge their core beliefs and values.
- For example, if you spend time at church and with religious groups, meeting someone in those circles is a way to ensure they share your beliefs.
- If you spend a lot of time rock climbing, you may want to meet others there. Time consuming hobbies can overshadow relationships. If you both enjoy the same things, doing hobbies together will take some of the pressure off the relationship.
- Ask close friends and family. If you have had several unsatisfactory relationships in a row, you may want to ask for recommendations. Friends and family may know who they should set you up with better than you. After all, they are capable of evaluating your personality and needs as an outsider. Make sure to approach someone who is not going to set you up with someone they want to see you with rather than who might make you happy.
- For example, most parents want what is best for their child. However, determine if they are only setting you up with a guy who corresponds to their sociopolitical beliefs, or earns a certain amount of money.
- Keep your head up. You meet people in the most unexpected places, in everyday situations. Like ripples in the ocean, many simple conversations come and go without anyone noticing. However, a chance encounter with the right person may reveal enough commonalities to turn this ripple into a real wave. Don’t go to the grocery store today with the intention of meeting Mr. Right, but don’t ignore the people all around you.
- For example, you might see a regular in your local library reads the same authors that you do. See if he attends any book clubs where you could introduce yourself, or go up to him in the stacks.
- Try internet dating. Some people don’t have the luck that others do when it comes to meeting guys in their area. There are a number of internet dating sites that cater to many interests. Many people have had success with internet dating, so you might give it a try. It is a good idea to keep other non-internet options open, even while you have your profile online.
- Be on the lookout for scams. Unfortunately, there are people throughout the world that prey on the willingness of internet daters to send financial assistance to new boyfriends and girlfriends. Do not send money to someone you have met on the internet.
Testing the Relationship Waters
- Be open to doing new things. Even if you and your new boyfriend have many similar interests, there will be new activities for you to try. Keep an open mind about this process. Spending time doing each other’s hobbies is a good way to learn about their interests and values. Besides, you may be introduced to a new hobby that you genuinely enjoy doing.
- Don’t lose sight of yourself. Though you should be open to his interests, don’t let your own be sidelined. A balanced relationship means spending equal time on each person. Remind him of what is important to you if you feel his ideas always win out. You want to be supportive, but not at the risk of neglecting yourself.
- Keep an eye on the pace. Everyone has their own idea of how fast a relationship should progress – both in and outside of the bedroom. This will also vary based on how seriously you want to take the relationship. Make sure things aren’t progressing too fast for comfort. On the other hand, consider having a conversation with him if you feel there is no reason to be taking things so slowly.
- For example, people looking for long-term partners often want to take things slow. They don’t want to rush into a serious relationship that they spend years trying to make work, only to have it end years later.
- Others may prefer a more open-ended relationship. To some, if it feels right for the relationship to progress, they don’t hold it back because of a predetermined timeline.
- Don’t let finances factor into a decision to move in together. This should be based solely on your relationship.
- Keep your fantasies under control. You may be convinced it is Mr. Right after the first date. However, there are many sides to him that you haven’t seen yet. Give it a while before you have your mind made up. This will make it harder for your heart to get broken by a guy you thought you were in love with, after his real personality started to show.
- Ask about long term goals. This is a hard conversation to have at first, but it has to come up eventually. There are a few main areas you need to talk about. Apart from personal views on marriage and children, there is also your career to talk about. Let him know if you plan on working in this job for only a year or 2 more before moving elsewhere. He may be ready to move as well, but he may not.
- If you don’t see yourself in a long-term relationship for at least 10 years, and want to date around in the meantime, let him know. If he also wants to have a casual relationship, he will understand. If not, he can decide whether he wants to spend a year or so with someone who won’t be his life partner.
- On the other hand, if you need to know that a person is open to a long-term relationship, and even partnership, inform him. If he is not looking for anything that serious, he may want to back out early to avoid an uncomfortable breakup later on.
- Tell them your views on children. Keep in mind that many young people can’t bear the thought of having children, but eventually come around to it. So, hedge your statement of not wanting children with a recognition that unforeseen changes may affect your current goals.
- Introduce family traditions over time. Lifelong partnerships rarely consist solely of late-night partying and brunch. Start planning to celebrate holidays with him in ways you remember from childhood. You obviously don’t have to include the traditions that drove you crazy, but remember a serious relationship will become less of a sidebar in your life and more of the main stage. You will continue to do family traditions, so start including him on these after you know he’s right for you.
Warnings
- Romantic relationships often develop between coworkers. There is nothing inherently wrong with this, but it may be against company policy. It also creates friction in the office if something goes wrong. You may not be able to help it if you fall in love with a guy from the office, but it is not advisable to look for guys in the office and casually date around.
- Decide how you feel about one night stands before you go out. It is a good idea to have a ‘policy’ against this if necessary, to keep yourself from doing something you regret later on. Even if you don’t think ‘that’ could happen tonight, it’s better to be prepared to make a decision if the opportunity presents itself.
