Overcome Jealousy

It's natural to be jealous of another person once in a while. But when you're so blinded by jealousy that you spend all of your time wishing you had what others have and can't stop to appreciate your own circumstances, then you have a problem. If you want to overcome jealousy and move on with your life, read on.

Steps

Understand Your Jealousy

  1. Recognize that you have a problem. Before you can begin to tackle your jealousy, you need to admit that it's a real problem that is taking over your life and keeping you from loving the person that you are. Jealously can be truly debilitating and can keep you from reaching your goals and becoming a better person. Here are some signs that jealously is taking over your life:
    • If you spend most of your time wishing you had what others have, instead of appreciating what you have.
    • If you are constantly comparing yourself to your friends, family members, and coworkers, and finding that you always come up short.
    • If you are jealous of a specific person and can't hang out with her for five minutes without wishing that you had her clothes, her looks, and her attitude.
    • If you are jealous of all of your friends' relationships, and wish your relationship could be half as good as theirs.
    • If you're in a relationship and you can't stand it when your significant other interacts with anyone of the opposite sex. You are convinced that every other girl has only one goal—to steal your boyfriend.
    • If you're so obsessed that you are constantly looking at your significant other's Facebook, or even his phone or email, for signs that he is cheating on you.
    • If you can't go more than a few minutes without comparing your relationship, your career, or your family to the relationships, careers, and families of everyone you meet.
    • If you are incredibly jealous whenever one of your friends hangs out with a new friend. If this makes you ask, "What's wrong with me?"
  2. Reflect on your jealousy. Once you admit that you have a real problem with jealousy and want to tame the ugly green dragon, you have to understand why you are having feelings of jealousy to begin with. If you feel like you are missing out on what others have, then there must be some inadequacies in your own life. Here's how to understand where your feels are coming from:
    • Are you jealous of just one aspect of your friends' lives? For example, if you're only jealous of your friends' romantic relationships because yours doesn't stack up to theirs, then you should try to improve your relationship on its own terms, or end the relationship if it's not worth saving. Are you jealous of your best friend because she is pursuing her career as an artist, while you're afraid to take that step? This may be a sign that you should rethink your career path.
    • Are you jealous of absolutely everything anyone has? If you think that you don't have anything that people could be jealous of, then you are suffering from insecurity and a lack of confidence. You need to work on improving how you view yourself before you can move on from your jealousy.
    • Are you jealous of the way your friends look? Do you feel that your life would be so much better if you looked like they did? Try to develop a unique style, spend more time with a healthy diet and exercise, and just learn to love your best features by looking in the mirror and reminding yourself of the things you love about yourself every day.

Improve Your Situation

  1. Improve who you are. If you are a chronically jealous person, then the chances are that you feel that you are not a person who is worthy of admiration because you are not exciting, interesting, or dynamic. It's time to work on making yourself into a person who has no reason to be jealous because you're so happy with who you are. Here's what to do:
    • Develop your self-confidence. Write down all the things you love about yourself and make a list of your flaws. Work to address as many flaws as you can, and you will start feeling better about who you are. If you feel better about being in your own skin, you will be much less likely to be jealous.
    • One of the most common reasons to be jealous is for material reasons. If you're jealous of a friend who has a lot of money, or whose family has a lot of money, while you do not, you should accept that you won't be able to buy all of the things she can. Instead, make your money count. Save up your money to buy just a few key items for your wardrobe or apartment that will make you feel good about what you have.
    • Work on your body. If you're jealous of your friend because of his rock-hard abs, start hitting the gym more often in order to reach that goal. Remember that, while everyone is born with a unique body, you still have a lot of control over how that body looks. However, if you think that everyone around you looks better than you do and that there's nothing you can do to change that, then you may have body image problems and should seek help from a doctor.
    • Remember to be yourself. You won't beat your jealousy if you're obsessed with doing what your friends do, looking like your friends, or having the same relationship your friend has. No two people are alike, and you'll only feel worse if you're trying to emulate someone else. Though different people should inspire us in different ways, don't forget that you are a unique individual and never compare yourself to anyone else.
  2. Improve what you do. You may be jealous of others because you can't stand the things you do on a daily basis. To avoid this, you should be proud of the hard work you do and should also be excited to pursue your interests. If you're busy pursuing your own goals and interests, you won't have time to be jealous of what others are doing.
    • Do more of the things you love. If you spend a lot of your time wishing you were more like your friends, it may be because you don't do a lot of things that you're proud of. Become more cultured by reading more poetry, plays, and novels, or work on developing useful skills, such as knitting or fixing furniture. The more you do to improve yourself, the more happy you will be to be you.
    • Work on your career. If you're jealous of someone for following her dreams, or jealous of someone who got a promotion at work, you should either work harder at your own job, or think about changing career paths so you can do what you really want.
    • Set goals for yourself and reach them. Start small. If you've never run before, train to run a 5K without stopping to walk. If you succeed in this goal, you'll be proud of what your capable of, and will try to set other goals for yourself as well.
  3. Improve your relationships. If you are jealous of someone for having so many friends or for maintaining an awesome relationship, it's likely that there is something lacking in your own relationships. Try to spend more time engaged in meaningful conversations or activities with your friends, and work on having open and honest relationships.
    • If you're happy with who your friends or significant other are, then you would have no reason to want the relationships others have. If you have a strong relationship, then you will already feel validated and secure.
      • If you have a friendship that is based on jealousy, it may be time to end it. If you feel that you have a friend who tries to constantly make you jealous by bragging about all of the things she has, it may be time to move on.
    • Improve your relationship with your family. If you don't spend enough time with your family, you may be jealous of the close relationship others have with their family members. Make the effort to call home or hang out with your folks more often, and you will feel better about your relationship.
    • Improve your love life. If you're in a serious relationship, work on having honest and open communication to help you address the things that aren't working. If you're single, work on being happy with being unattached and being excited to find someone in the future, instead of spending your time being jealous of everyone in a committed relationship.

Improve Your Outlook

  1. Remind yourself of how lucky you are. When you're blinded by jealousy, it's impossible to see things objectively and to understand how fortunate you truly are. Remind yourself that you're lucky just to have running water, food to eat whenever you want it, good health, and even access to a computer. Here's how you do it:
    • Understand how fortunate you are compared to most people in the world. Remind yourself that many people in the world do not have many basic things that you take for granted. It's likely that you've never had to deal with real hunger, that you're healthy and can see a doctor fairly easily, that you have enough clothes to stay warm, and that you don't feel oppressed in the place where you live. This is more than many people can say.
    • Understand that you have many things people would be jealous of. Make a list of at least twenty things you have that people would want. It could be as basic as "running water" or more elaborate, like "the ability to talk to make anyone laugh."
    • Understand that anyone you're jealous of doesn't have a perfect life. Be realistic about the people you are jealous of. Make a list of all the things they have that you are jealous of, and then ask yourself if you have anything they would want. For example, you may be jealous of your friend's amazing relationship, but she could be wishing that she had two loving, doting parents like you have. You may be jealous of your friend's new promotion, while she could be wishing that she was a talented artist like you are.
  2. Be a more generous person. If you spend more time helping others, you will not only feel better about yourself for being more generous, but you will have a better understanding of what you have that others would be grateful for.
    • Volunteer in your community. To get a concrete sense of how fortunate you are, you can volunteer in your community to help people learn English, read, or get enough food at a soup kitchen. Being around people whose basic needs may not be met will remind you how fortunate your own life is.
    • Help out the people you know. Help a friend who is going through a relationship issue, or motivate your friend who is struggling in his classes to finish school. Understanding the hardships of others will make you see that everyone is struggling in some way, and that you're not the only person who wants to improve your life.
    • Do the little things for someone you love. Help a friend who is going through a hard time do her laundry, or give a ride to a friend whose car broke down. You'll feel like a more helpful person and will appreciate what you have even more.

Live a Positive Life

  1. Come to terms with who you are. Reflecting on your jealousy and working to make yourself a better person can go a long way in addressing your problem. Still, you have to understand that no matter what you do, you will never be perfect, and that there will always be things you want.
    • Realize that life isn't fair. You won't be able to have everything you want, no matter how hard you try, and there may be people who are truly more fortunate than you are. But once you accept this fact, you can let go and stop trying to have it all.
    • Enjoy being yourself. You may be a flawed individual like everyone else, but make time to enjoy your quirks and really learn to love being you. Make time for alone time, and really appreciate your own company.
    • Focus on your positive qualities. Though there still may be a few things you lack, focus on the parts of your life that you love, such as your relationships, or your amazing job. Emphasize the things you have and love instead of thinking about the things you want.
  2. Avoid jealousy in the future. Once you've worked as hard as you can to beat the jealousy that was taking over your life, you still need to make sure that it doesn't real its ugly head in the future. There are a few things you can do to make sure you don't see green in the future:
    • Never take anything for granted. Every morning, remind yourself of at least ten things you are grateful for. Making a routine of this will reinforce that you are a person who should not be jealous.
    • Avoid situations that may lead to jealousy. If you can't help being a little jealous as a girlfriend, don't date a guy who tends to hang out with a lot of females. If you have a friend who seems to have everything and who you can't stop being jealous of her, try to spend less time with her if it's making you feel bad about yourself.
    • Recognize your jealousy. As soon as you realize that you're getting jealous of someone again, go home and reflect in a notebook. Why are you jealous of this person? How can you work to stop the jealousy before it gets out of control?
    • Remember that it's healthy to be jealous once in a while. Don't beat yourself up if you can't stop being jealous about absolutely everything. If your friend just got a brand new car and you wish you could afford one, or if your friend just announced that she's getting married while you really wish you had a boyfriend, it's okay to feel jealous for a little while. When jealousy consumes your life and informs your every action, then you have a real problem.



Tips

  • Avoid telling people how lucky they are all the time. This can create an uncomfortable situation and will just make everyone around you feel awkward.
  • Jealousy is an unattractive quality. If you're in a relationship, remind yourself that nothing is more unappealing than a person who is constantly jealous. This will show that you're insecure about what you have to offer, and will be a huge turn-off to whomever you're dating.

Warnings

  • If you've tried everything but feel like there is nothing about your life that would appeal to anyone, and feel like there's nothing you can do to make your own situation better, then you may be suffering from depression and should seek help.

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