Remain Emotionally Unattached

Sometimes negative situations may cause intense, unwanted emotional responses. As a result, some people may be interested in learning techniques to become emotionally unattached. Being completely emotionally detached is unhealthy, since emotions help us navigate life. However, learning to control one's emotions in certain situations can be useful. Practices like mindfulness and distraction are tools you can use to manage your emotions and decrease anxiety in a healthy way.

Steps

Using Mindfulness Practices

  1. Observe yourself in difficult situations. Instead of reacting to your emotions in a negative situation, take a moment to observe your physical response. As you observe yourself, take note of how the situation is making you feel. What physical reactions are you having to the situation?[1]
    • For example, if someone calls you a name, you might notice that your cheeks feel hot and your heart rate has increased.
  2. Acknowledge your emotions. After you have noted your physical reaction to the situation, take a moment to acknowledge your emotional response. What emotions are you feeling as a result of the situation?[1]
    • For example, if someone calls you a name, you might notice that you feel angry and embarrassed.
  3. Put your emotions aside for the moment. After you notice your feelings, let them pass without reacting to them. It's perfectly okay to put off feelings for the moment to deal with a situation, then do your emotional processing afterwards.[1]
    • Letting the feeling pass will allow you to respond with more assertiveness and less emotion. It may be difficult to put your initial feeling aside at first, but it will get easier with practice.
  4. Respond with assertiveness or excuse yourself. Once you have detached yourself from the situation, take a moment to decide how to respond in an assertive, unemotional way. Or, don't respond at all![1]
    • If you do not feel capable of responding without emotion, ask to be excused from the situation. For example, you might say, “Hold on a second. I have to use the restroom.” Then go to the restroom for a few minutes and use the time to compose yourself.

Using Distraction

  1. Hold an ice cube. The sensation of holding onto something very cold can distract you from any negative emotions you are feeling and help you to respond in an unemotional way. Try sticking an ice cube in a plastic baggie and putting it into your pocket before you have to have an uncomfortable conversation.[2]
    • For example, if you have to tell a friend that you are upset about something she said, you could reach into your pocket and feel the ice cube to distract yourself from getting too emotional.
  2. Eat a mint. Flavors can distract us from our emotions as well. Try popping a strong mint in your mouth whenever you are in an upsetting situation.[2]
    • For example, you could keep a couple of mints in your mouth before you have to meet with your boss. If you start to feel nervous, you could pop the mint in your mouth and focus on the flavor to take your mind off of the situation.
  3. Listen to music. Music is another great way to distract yourself from negative emotions. Try listening to some of your favorite upbeat, energizing music the next time you feel down and see how it changes your mood.[2]
    • For example, if you are feeling sad at the gym and you want to stop feeling that way, you could play something upbeat and happy on your mp3 player.
  4. Smell something. Smells also have the power to distract us from our emotions. Try paying attention to the smell of the air if you find yourself in a negative situation and you want to detach yourself.[2]
    • For example, you might focus on the smell of brewing coffee if you are having an argument with a parent or your significant other.

Getting Help

  1. Learn about emotional detachment. Emotional detachment can be associated with many different conditions where emotional detachment is not intentional. These conditions include brain injury, childhood trauma and attachment disorders, psychopathy, PTSD, and personality disorders such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (lack of empathy).[3][4][5][6][7]
    • Emotional detachment in certain trauma related disorders may be an adaptive protective mechanism, but that is not the same as intentional emotional detachment.[8]
    • In some cases of depression, apathy is similar to emotional detachment and is often a symptom of depression. Even anxiety can produce a form of mental detachment called derealization and depersonalization.[9]
  2. Consider whether emotional attachment is interfering with your life. While detaching yourself can sometimes be helpful in difficult situations, it is not healthy to ignore your emotions all of the time. If you find that you often feel or want to feel emotionally unattached, then there may be a problem.[10][11]
    • Remember that emotional detachment is not healthy. Not wanting or not allowing yourself to feel emotions will interfere with your relationships with people and may even cause trouble for you in school or at work.
  3. Talk to your family and friends about how you have been feeling. If you are having trouble feeling emotions or if you find yourself not wanting to feel emotions, you should talk to a trusted friend or family member. Letting someone know how you have been feeling may help to relieve some of the negative emotions that are causing you to want to be detached.[10]
  4. Learn about your options for help. Whether intentional or involuntary, emotional detachment is not healthy. If you struggle to deal with your emotions in certain situations, there are people who can help you. You can talk to your school counselor, a licensed mental health professional, or even your doctor for help.[10]
    • If you have recently gone through a traumatic life event such as a divorce or a painful break-up, then you may want to consider seeing a therapist who specializes in these types of cases.[12]

Warnings

  • Reach out for help if you are in pain. Take the first step by talking to someone about how you have been feeling. Talk to someone who will listen and take your situation seriously, such as a teacher, trusted friend, or therapist.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ Jump up to: 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 http://www.cogsci.ucsd.edu/media/uploads/undergrad/2014_thesis_akash_jagannathan.pdf
  2. ↑ Jump up to: 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 Linehan, M, (1993), Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder, ISBN 978-0898620344
  3. Jump up ↑ http://www.claremontneuropsych.co.za/pdf/Emotional_and_Behavioural_consequences_of_head_injury.pdf
  4. Jump up ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/secure-attachment/attachment-issues-and-reactive-attachment-disorders.htm
  5. Jump up ↑ http://www.researchgate.net/profile/Ute_Habel/publication/229659417_Emotional_processing_in_psychopathic_personality/links/09e4150be69de680d4000000.pdf
  6. Jump up ↑ http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml
  7. Jump up ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder
  8. Jump up ↑ http://www.acnp.org/g4/GN401000111/CH109.html
  9. Jump up ↑ http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/detachment
  10. ↑ Jump up to: 10.0 10.1 10.2 http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/attachment-and-adult-relationships.htm
  11. Jump up ↑ http://evolutioncounseling.com/detached-personality/
  12. Jump up ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201005/adultery-what-should-the-betrayed-spouse-do
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