Stop Friends from Teasing About Crushes

When you have a crush, it's normal to want to talk about the object of your desire all the time. Your friends might respond to your excitement by teasing you about your romantic feelings. Having a crush is already enough to handle without having to deal with friends who won't stop bringing it up. If you're tired of dealing with your friends' incessant teasing, there are a few things you can do to get them to cut it out.

Steps

Taking a Stand

  1. Be honest with your friends. Sometimes, friends won’t know if you’re not comfortable with their teasing until you say something. They might even think you enjoy it, since it gives you a chance to talk about your crush. Try simply telling them that you don't like to be teased about your crush. Express yourself and don’t give your friends the impression that you’re okay with their comments and remarks if you’re actually not.[1]
    • Don’t try to make your friends guess how you feel. If you smile and laugh on the outside, but secretly wish they'd stop, it's up to you to be more straightforward about the effect their teasing has on you.
    • If your friends usually treat you well and respect your feelings, they will be glad you said something, and they'll probably stop teasing you right away.
  2. Make sure your friends know that you're serious. If you aren't used to confronting people, it can be difficult to get your point across clearly. You might be tempted to joke about it or act like it's no big deal. However, your friends might not understand how much you dislike the teasing unless you take a more serious approach.
    • When you bring up the teasing with your friends, use an assertive tone. Assertiveness helps with honest communication and helps cultivate genuine relationships. It allows you to be absolutely clear about your needs.[2]
    • Being assertive isn't the same as being condescending or rude. There is nothing rude about politely telling them how you feel.
    • Start your discussion with phrases such as “I don’t like it when you tease me because…” or “Your teasing make me feel…” Be honest and direct without any intentions of hurting or offending your friends.
  3. Seek to have a two-way discussion. Wait for a time when everyone is feeling relaxed and has time for a full conversation. Ask your friends if they understand how their teasing makes you feel, and really listen to the answer. If you can create a dialogue of understanding, your friends will be much less likely to keep teasing you.
    • Communication is also a two-way street. Be receptive to getting feedback from your friends. They will be more willing to listen to you if you’re willing to listen to them in return. Ask follow-up questions such as “how does that make you feel?” in order to understand any feelings or reactions your friends may be going through.
    • Deep talks on subjects that feel personal can lead to even better friendships.
  4. Reevaluate your friendships if your friends refuse to stop. If they just don't get it, even after you tried to have a serious discussion, you may want to stop talking about your crush with them. You may even want to reconsider whether they are really your friends if they decide to keep teasing you after you've asked them to stop.
    • When the subject of your crush comes up, don't reveal your feelings; you'll just give them more fodder for teasing.
    • Consider talking about your crush only with people you trust not to use the information to get laughs.

Diverting Your Friends’ Attention

  1. Occupy your friends’ attention with other things. The goal is to divert their attention to anything else other than your crush. Get your friends talking about what they’re up to or the things that they’re interested in.
    • Make the conversation less about you and more about them. Ask questions about their day, any plans they may have for the weekend, or about the latest movie they watched. Be excited about what they are saying in order to encourage them to keep talking more about them and less about you and your crush.
    • Encourage your friends to open up. Ask them about the love interest in their life or if they have their eye on someone. Your interest can make them feel comfortable with expressing themselves about what's going on in their lives.
  2. Guide them away from the subject of your crush. If your friends insist on bringing up your crush, you don't have to talk about the person if you don't want to. When it seems like they're about to start teasing you, try one of these approaches:
    • Tell your friends, "I don't want to talk about that right now."
    • Shrug, then turn it around and bring up one of their boyfriends/girlfriends.
    • Act like you didn't hear what they said, and change the subject entirely.
  3. Have a go-to topic ready to discuss. If unwanted teasing starts happening, transition into in a more welcoming conversation. If there's something you have in common that you could both talk about happily for hours, jump straight to that instead of lingering on the subject of your crush.
    • For example, if your friend is a huge sports fan, bring up their favorite player/team or recap last night’s sports highlights. Friendly banter about whose player/team is the best can help switch the conversation gears to more pleasant conversation.

Playing It Cool

  1. Don’t let them see you sweat. More often than not, your friends will find pleasure in ruffling your feathers. Let your outer image exude confidence and nonchalance about their banter and teasing.[3] If they see that you aren't phased by their silly teasing, they won't bother doing it anymore.
    • Be as cool about the situation as you can. Even if you may feel uneasy about your friends' teasing on the inside, your confidence and carefree attitude will show them that their words and/or actions won’t throw you off your crushing game.
    • Deflect with humor if you’re having difficulty with ignoring your friends’ teasing. Come up with a witty phrase or comeback that lets your friends know that their teasing is nothing more than a laughing matter.
  2. Keep some of your crush details under wraps. Your friends don’t need to know everything that goes on between you and your crush. Avoid giving your friends too much teasing ammo and pull back the reigns on over sharing. A little mystery goes a long way.
    • Your friends will still more than likely bug you about spilling the beans about you and your crush. Share only the details that you’re comfortable with sharing.
    • You could even tell them that you don't have a crush on the person anymore.
  3. Spend time away from friends who won't stop teasing. Playing it cool might mean spending more time with people who respect you. Teasing might seem like it's all in good fun, but it stops being fun with it begins to hurt. Find people to hang with who are mature enough to leave you along when you've asked nicely.
    • As a last resort, you could even tell your friends that you don't want to spend time with them anymore because of their behavior. If your friends apologize and want to earn back your trust, it's up to you whether you want to give them another chance. It could be a learning experience for both you and your friends.
    • If you feel that the teasing has gone past the point of playfulness and into bullying territory, tell your parents or another trusted adult. You deserve to be treated well by your peers, so don't be afraid to seek help if you need it.[4]

Tips

  • If they continue, tease them right back. Make the ever so classic 'Awww...' when they're with their significant other. A little revenge never hurts.
  • If you can't beat ‘em, join ‘em. Beat them to the punch and poke a little fun at yourself about your crush.
  • If they tease you about your crush. Try denying it if that won't work then admit "Yes, I have a crush, would you please stop teasing me".

Warnings

  • Do not use these steps if your crush is teasing you. If he's your best friend, and he's misguided about the one you like, don't fight him; Just deny it simply. When the time is right, tell him to stop teasing because it's him whom you are actually infatuated with.
  • Don't deny your crush (especially around your crush). This could lead to even more teasing and embarrassment may ensue.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/conflict-resolution-skills.htm
  2. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/06/04/5-tips-for-communicating-assertively-without-being-passive-aggressive/
  3. ↑ http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/17109/1/How-to-Stop-Your-Friends-From-Teasing-You-and-Gain-Respect.html
  4. ↑ https://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/definition/index.html
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