Talk to a Girl You Like
Talking to someone you're attracted to can be nerve-wracking, especially if you have no idea what you're doing. If you're having trouble communicating with your crush, read on and learn how to find your voice.
Steps
Conversation Help
Doc:Funny Anecdotes,List of Compliments,Great Conversation Topics
Get Comfortable
- Develop your interests. You don't need to be a brain to find things to talk about, but you do need to have passions and interests. A person who can talk naturally about things he's interested in is always better conversation than someone armed with pre-written prompts and a vague hope of getting a date.
- Make a short list. List everything you're interested in. Go for more detail rather than less. For example, instead of “music,” write “playing classical guitar, going to concerts, collecting old funk LPs.”
- Expand the list into topics. Using the example above, you might think about what brand of guitar you own or rent versus the brand you wish you could have, what concerts you've been to, and what funk bands you enjoy.
- Make a mental note of your opinion on each topic. This will help you to know yourself better. When you talk about any subject you have an interest in, you'll be able to speak confidently about it and explain why you're interested in it, which makes for good conversation.
- Practice saying things out loud. Get used to talking, or you'll never be able to talk well. One of the easiest and simplest things you can do to improve your comfort level is simply to say things aloud to yourself. This helps you get comfortable with the sound of your own voice, and with speaking rather than simply responding to others.
- Find a time and a place. Whenever you're home alone is a great choice. It doesn't have to be regularly scheduled; just seize opportunities as they arise.
- Say something. Try to talk a little bit about something rather than just mumbling a few words. Tell yourself about the plot of the last TV show or movie you watched. If you can't think of anything to say, find a book and read aloud from it.
- When reading from a book, try to make the words sound natural, rather than the stilted sight-reading drone that many people lapse into. Read a sentence or two in your head first, then say them aloud as though you had just thought of them yourself.
- Books of poetry are ideal for this. Poetry is almost always meant to be read aloud, and the concentration required to be able to read a poem naturally will help distract you from feeling silly.
- Keep talking for a little while. Try to speak out loud for at least a minute. Over time, this will help you get used to initiating conversations and speaking your mind, which are important skills for making a good impression on your crush.
- Talk to girls. Wherever you interact with women on a regular basis – work, school, clubs, or elsewhere – make an extra effort to engage in small talk with them. This will teach you that there is nothing to fear about talking to a girl, even if you have a crush on her.
- Start with people you already interact with a little bit, like coworkers. Ask them how their week has been going, and use short questions to encourage them to talk more. Most girls will be glad to talk with you for a moment.
- If a girl asks about your week after she's told you about hers, do the polite thing and tell her, in about the same level of detail she used when talking to you. (Leave out the fact that you're trying to get better at talking to girls.)
- Be friendly with project partners. At school or during community service, you will often be paired with a partner. When your partner is a girl you don't know very well, a little geniality will go a long way towards making things comfortable for both of you.
- Try talking about the project rather than asking about her. If she responds well, continue on, and mix in small talk and simple questions as you go along.
- Don't ask her about herself or her life. Instead, ask her what she thinks of another person, such as the teacher, or an upcoming event you both know about.
- Don't talk too often. Show that you're primarily interested in being helpful and completing your project together. Speak as thoughts come to you, rather than pushing the conversation along.
- Try talking about the project rather than asking about her. If she responds well, continue on, and mix in small talk and simple questions as you go along.
- Start with people you already interact with a little bit, like coworkers. Ask them how their week has been going, and use short questions to encourage them to talk more. Most girls will be glad to talk with you for a moment.
Talk to Her
- Stay prepared. If you want to make a good impression on a girl, the very least you can do is control your behavior and your hygiene.
- Keep up a daily hygiene regimen of bathing, face cleaning, tooth brushing, and hair care. Wear deodorant. Clip your fingernails regularly.
- If you wear cologne, remember: less is more. Spray enough onto your wrists and the base of your neck that you can smell it from a foot or two away at most, but no more. Good cologne will dry down and last several hours; there is no need to overdo it.
- Always dress your best. Use clean clothes, and plan outfits the evening before you wear them so you don't have to make last-minute substitutions.
- Be on your best behavior. You don't have to stop being the class clown if that's who you are, but you shouldn't say or do anything that you wouldn't want your crush to know about. You never know what might get back to her. Be kind and forgiving with others, and avoid getting into trouble with higher-ups.
- Keep up a daily hygiene regimen of bathing, face cleaning, tooth brushing, and hair care. Wear deodorant. Clip your fingernails regularly.
- Make your approach. Whenever you see a good opportunity to speak to your crush alone for a moment, even if other people are around, step up and do it.
- Get her attention. Call her name and wave at her while smiling. Look happy to see her.
- Meet her. Start walking up as soon as she's acknowledged you. Don't wait for her to come over to where you are. Show you're proactive and confident by closing the distance yourself.
- If she looks upset or bothered by your greeting, or tries to pretend she doesn't hear you, she won't ever be interested in you. Cut your losses and move on. You deserve someone who will be glad to see you.
- Talk the talk. By now, you should be comfortable talking to girls, and confident that you're an interesting person with things to say on a variety of subjects. This is your chance to make a great impression with the skills you've developed.
- If you don't know your crush, introduce yourself and tell her where you've seen each other around. Once she recognizes you she'll probably ask you a polite question, like “what's up?” or “how's it going?” Don't answer dismissively; instead, think on your feet and say something in response that will move the conversation along.
- If all else fails, say that you just saw her and thought you'd come over and catch up for a bit. This allows you to jump into a conversational lead with the next statement.
- If you don't know your crush, introduce yourself and tell her where you've seen each other around. Once she recognizes you she'll probably ask you a polite question, like “what's up?” or “how's it going?” Don't answer dismissively; instead, think on your feet and say something in response that will move the conversation along.
- Keep the conversation going for a little while. Ask her about people and places you both know. Respond lightly when she answers your questions, and use gentle humor to offer your opinions.
- For example, if you both had a class with a teacher named Mr. Smith who always seemed tired, you could ask her about Mr. Smith, and respond with an observation about how tired he always looked when she answers your question.
- Stay positive. Smile and don't be afraid to look at her while she's talking. Remember the old saying: “laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and you cry alone.” We make our best impressions when we make others feel happy to be around us.
- Leave serious and sad topics out of this conversation. If one has to come up (for example, if she asks about someone and you know he just died), be honest, but don't let the conversation dwell in that spot.
- Take the initiative. If there's a lull in the conversation, but it's otherwise going well, tell her about a recent event in your life that has to do with one of your personal interests. Continuing with the musical example from previously, you might bring up a concert you recently attended or an album you recently bought.
- Don't get too into your own interests. Keep it general enough that she can follow what's being said without having any special knowledge. Make plenty of room for her to interject or change the subject. The important thing is to keep your conversation interesting and alive.
- Ask for her number. Tell her it was great to talk with her and suggest that the two of you get together again soon, then ask for her number. Depending on how slowly you want to take things, asking for a phone number outright might not always be an appropriate step, but it's a good middle ground between simply saying goodbye and asking her out on the spot.
- Alternatively, just ask to be Facebook friends, or request her e-mail address. This is less blatantly an invitation to date than asking for a girl's number, and most people don't mind giving out online information.
- Walk away. Tell her you'll call (or otherwise contact) her soon and leave her with a smile and a wave. If all went well, you should be looking at a get-together or possibly even a first date within a week or two.
