Tell if Your Teenage Daughter Is Pregnant

If your teenage daughter is pregnant, she may be afraid to tell you. There are a number of symptoms you can watch for, like changes in mood and behavior, that may indicate pregnancy. If you suspect pregnancy, take time to talk to your teen about your concerns. Remember, the only way to tell for sure if your teen is pregnant is through a pregnancy test. Therefore, it's important to eventually take your teen to a doctor or buy a pregnancy test from a drug store if you suspect she is pregnant.

Steps

Watching for Signs

1. Consider your teen's history. If you suspect your teenage daughter may be pregnant, first stop and consider her personal history. If you have reason to believe she's sexually active, then she may be pregnant.
   • Has your daughter talked to you in the past about becoming sexually active? Does she have a steady boyfriend?
   • Has your daughter engaged in risky behavior in the past? If your daughter has a tendency towards sneaking out or substance abuse, she may participate in behaviors like unprotected sex.
   • However, keep in mind these are just general guidelines. Any teen can become pregnant if they are sexually active. You cannot gauge if a teen is pregnant based on her past history and behavior alone. Always consider other signs.
2. Watch for physical symptoms. There are many physical symptoms of pregnancy you may notice in your teen early on that could indicate pregnancy. Pay attention to sudden changes in physical behavior is you suspect your teen may be pregnant.
   • Cravings and nausea are common symptoms of pregnant. Changes in diet can be a sign your teen is pregnant. She may be nauseated by the site of her favorite foods. She may also suddenly be eating strange foods, new foods, or odd combinations of foods.
   • Increased fatigue is also a common sign early symptom of pregnancy. Your daughter may complain frequently of fatigue and take naps more often.
   • Many women urinate more frequently during pregnancy. If you notice your daughter suddenly using the bathroom more often, this could indicate pregnancy.
3. See if menstrual products are being used. If you keep menstrual products in the house, like tampons and pads, you may suddenly notice you're not replacing them as often. This could mean your daughter may not be using them. A missed period is usually the first sign of pregnancy.
   • Keep in mind many teens take a few years to establish a regular menstrual cycle. Also, factors like stress can cause hormonal changes that result in a missed period. While unused menstrual products can be a sign of pregnancy, consider other factors before jumping to conclusions.
4. Pay attention to her mood. Hormonal changes in pregnancy can affect mood. Many women become increasingly emotional during pregnancy and may experience mood swings. Such effects are often magnified in teens due to social pressures that come with teen pregnancy.
   • Teens are frequently prone to mood swings, however, due to hormonal changes that happen during puberty and stress from school and social life. If you notice changes in mood, watch for other signs of pregnancy before concluding your teen is pregnant.
5. Watch for subtle changes in physical appearance. Changes in physical appearance usually happen later in pregnancy. However, every body is different. If your teen is very petite, you may notice some weight gain. You teen also may suddenly start wearing baggy clothes to hide changes in her body.

Talking to Your Teen

1. Prepare for a conversation. If you suspect your daughter may be pregnant, you should confront her. The only way to know for sure is to have your teen take a pregnancy test and see a doctor. Spend some time preparing to ask your teen about her potential pregnancy. How and when you have the conversation can make a huge different in whether your teen will be willing to open up to you.
   • Write down your feelings. With any emotional or difficult conversation, you want to make sure you think out what you want to express beforehand. You don't need to be reading off a script when you talk to your teen. However, you should have some idea of what to say and how to say it ahead of time. Spend a few minutes jotting down your thoughts and feelings prior to the conversation.
   • Try to go into the conversation with empathy. If you could from a place of scorn or judgement, your teen may be unwilling to open up. Therefore, try to put yourself in your teen's shoes. Remember what you were like as a teenager. Try to understand how your teenage experience was both similar and different to your daughter's experiences. You likely remember the pressure and excitement of being a teen. Was there anything different about your daughter's experience? Have there been any specific pressures put on her that might have contributed to her becoming pregnant?
   • Go into the conversation without expectations. Do not confront your daughter expecting her to be immediately open to your help. However, do not go in expecting an argument either. If you rev yourself up for a particular outcome, it can be hard to recalibrate if something different occurs. You do not know how your teen will react when you ask her about a potential pregnancy. Therefore, do not try to guess. Go into the conversation as prepared as possible with no particular expectations.
2. Ask without judgement. Remember, you want to show your teen respect. Even if you're upset with the situation, coming from a place of judgement will only serve to alienate your teen. In the event your teen is pregnant, you want her to feel she can see you as a source of help and guidance throughout her pregnancy.
   • To start, do not assume anything. Go into the conversation assuming your teen had a good reason for making the decisions she made. Even if it does not seem like a good reason in your eyes, your teen probably saw it that way at the time. Do not pre-judge the situation or your teen's behavior. Even if you feel her becoming pregnant was reckless, try your best to leave this judgement behind. It will not help the situation in the present moment.
   • Never assume you know what's wrong. Even if your teen is displaying signs of pregnancy, you cannot know for sure without confirmation. Therefore, do not enter the conversation by saying something like, "I know you're pregnant" or "It seems like you're pregnant." Instead, ask. Say something like, "I'm concerned about some of your behavior. Do you think you might be pregnant?"
3. Try to understand rather than advise. Teenagers are still very much children but are also old enough to crave some autonomy. Advice during a stressful time like pregnancy may not be taken well. Therefore, try your best to understand your daughter's feelings, actions, wants, and needs before offering any guidance.
   • Listen to what your teen tells you. Try to withhold judgement as she explains how she became pregnant. Ask nonjudgmental questions for clarification when necessary. Ask if she's made any decisions. Remind her she's very young and it's okay to take some time to make a decision about her pregnancy.
   • It can help to practice active listening. This is a way of listening that promotes understanding and can be useful during difficult conversations. Give your daughter non-verbal cues, like nodding on occasion, to show you are listening. Briefly paraphrase her words back to her when she finishes talking to show you heard what she said. If you have any questions about what's being said, wait until she's finished her sentence to ask.
4. Help your daughter think for herself. Remember, guidance is better than outright advice. Pregnancy is extremely difficult for a teen and you want to make sure your daughter makes a good decision. However, you want to make sure your teen is able to think for herself in this situation. Help her process her own thoughts and emotions rather than telling her what you think she should do.
   • Discuss the potential implications of various options with your daughter. Walk her through the difficulties, financial and otherwise, or raising a child as a teen. Go over options like abortion and adoption, helping to weigh the pros and cons. If you're unfamiliar with such subjects yourself, you can look up information online with your teen to help her explore her options and make a decision.
   • Ask her what she thinks throughout the conversation. For example, you can say something like, "I know when your Aunt Rose was in this same situation, she kept the baby. She thought it was the right thing to do for her. How do you feel about that?"
   • Help your daughter consider all the factors. Pregnancy can be overwhelming. Gently walk your teen through some of the decisions she'll need to make down the road, such as choosing a doctor if she keeps the baby, informing other friends and family members of her pregnancy, and so on.
   • Don't force your views. While you may feel strongly that your daughter should choose a particular option, you need to allow her to make her own decision. Forcing your teen's hand can cause tension between the two of you. It is very important your teen sees you as a source of support during her pregnancy.
5. Avoid criticism. Finding out your teen is pregnant can be emotionally devastating. However, you should avoid criticism as much as you can. Even if you feel your teen has made a huge mistake, criticizing her can backfire. You do not want your teen to feel she cannot ask you for help as she makes a decision.
   • Your teen is probably already aware she's made a mistake. Nagging or criticizing her now will not help matters. Therefore, it's best to avoid telling what she should have done. Instead, try to be proactive and move forward in the present moment.
   • Your teen may get mad during the conversation. Even if you're trying to be patient and understanding, your teen may lash out at you due to her own anger or fear. Try not to take this personally. Do not react to feelings of anger taken out on you. Simply remain calm and say something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way" and proceed with the conversation.
   • Provide some reassurance. Tell your teen, while the situation is difficult, the two of you will work together to find a solution. It's very important your teen feels safe when discussing her pregnancy with you.
6. Take deep breaths when necessary. You may experience a lot of feelings yourself if you find out your teen is pregnant. Your own hopes and dreams for her have dramatically changed. It's normal to feel sadness, anger, and pain when your teen reveals she's pregnant. However, during the initial conversation keep the focus on your teen's feelings over your own. You may need to occasionally take a deep breath and count to 10 in order to stay calm. Do so as necessary throughout the course of the conversation.

Moving Forward

1. Allow your daughter to vent when necessary. Pregnancy is scary for teens. As you move forward with your teen's pregnancy, allow her to vent to you. She should be able to come to you with fears, frustrations, and concerns throughout the process of making a decision about the pregnancy. Listen to what she has to say without judgment and allow her to feel what she's feeling, good or bad.
2. Form a plan. After you discuss your teen's pregnancy with her, you'll need to help her form a plan. Essentially, she has three options: keeping the baby, giving it up for adoption, or having an abortion. Help her weigh the pros and cons of each option so she can make an informed decision she will be comfortable with.
   • If there is a health center for teens in your area, you may want to take your teenager there to talk to a doctor or counselor. You may not have all the necessary information about abortion, adoption, and teen pregnancy at your disposal.
   • Remember, allow your teen to make her own decision. Even if you have your own strong feelings about the situation, this is your daughter's baby. She needs to make a decision that sits well with her.
3. Seek out prenatal care. In the event your daughter decides to carry the baby to term, it's important you get her prenatal care. You'll need to have regular prenatal visits with a doctor to monitor the baby's health. You'll also need to stock up on prenatal vitamins and work on establishing a healthy diet and exercise routine. Make an appointment with a doctor as soon as possible if your daughter decides to keep the baby. This way, your daughter and her doctor can develop a health and lifestyle plan for the baby's wellbeing.
4. Confront difficult questions. If your daughter wants to keep the baby, help her confront the difficult questions. There are a a lot of factors to consider during a teen pregnancy. Guide your daughter as she makes a variety of decisions regarding her baby.
   • Consider the father. What role will he play in the baby's life? Will he and your daughter stay together romantically? What will the baby's last name be? Where will your daughter live after the baby is born?
   • Consider things like school. Will your daughter finish school? Who will watch the baby while she's at class? Can your or another family member help out with childcare while your daughter finishes high school? What about college? Is this a possibility?
   • Also take your financial situation into account. Who will support the baby financially? Are you able to assist your daughter financially? What about the baby's father and his parents? Can they help out with medical bills and the costs of childcare?
5. Find a therapist. As teen pregnancy can be stressful for your family, it's a good idea to find a family therapist. You can ask your regular doctor for a referral or ask your insurance company for a list of providers in your network. A qualified family therapist can help you and your family cope with the stress of a teen pregnancy.

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Sources and Citations

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