Tell when a Girl Is Interested in You

So you have your heart set on a girl but aren't sure she feels the same way. You want to ask her out, and you think there's a good chance she likes you back, but how can you be sure? Although every girl is unique and will therefore show her feelings in individual ways, and while some social cues will differ depending on culture, age, personality, and situational factors, psychologists have identified several common signs that might indicate that a girl has romantic interest in you. Pay attention to her personality, her words, and her behavior and you might just figure it out!

Steps

Getting to Know Her

1. Spend time with her before assuming anything about her. Every girl is unique and there is no one-size-fits-all guide to how a girl will act if she's interested in you. It's important to respect her individuality and get to know her better, and to give her the chance to get to know you too.
   • Find a shared activity, like a sport, hobby, club, or even just chatting during lunch so that you can be around one another long enough to get to know her personally. Try walking with her to class or dropping by her work. The more time you spend with her, the more you'll get to know her personality quirks and how she expresses herself, and the easier it will be to tell if she really likes you.
2. Look for changes in her personality when she's around you. Subtle changes in her personality might indicate interest in you, while other changes might show that she is just not that into you.
   • It is important that you get to know her personality by watching how she interacts with her friends, or else you will not be able to notice any subtle variations when you're around.
   • A girl who is interested might be bubblier when you're around (or even if you're within earshot), laughing more and being more boisterous to impress you. Some girls, though, might be quieter around someone they like, and may go red in the face or look down and avoid eye contact.
   • Some signs that a girl is most likely not interested in you include stiffening her body or moving away from you; giving short, gruff answers to your questions or making sarcastic replies to your comments; acting annoyed if you interrupt her time with friends; rolling her eyes or scowling; or directing her attention to others, especially other people she may be romantically interested in.
   • You can also try to notice how she interacts with her friends of both genders when you are around. Does she laugh at everyone's jokes the same, touch everyone casually when they talk, look into everyone's eyes intently, or does she reserve these signs of interest for you alone?
3. See how she acts when you surprise her. Sit down next to her at lunch or during an activity totally out of the blue. This will mean that she doesn't have the time to prepare herself to meet you and her flustered responses will tell you a lot about her feelings for you.
   • A girl who is caught off guard by someone she is not interested in will probably not change how she's behaving (unless she actually dislikes you, in which case she might seem annoyed, rigid, or distracted); she would see you as just another friend dropping in to say hi. However, if she is interested in you, she might suddenly seem shy or embarrassed, or she might reach up to run her hands through her hair or adjust her clothes to make sure she looks her best.
   • Be sure you don't catch her in a bad moment, like if she's checking to see if there's something in her teeth or really wrapped up in a conversation with one of her friends. She might be embarrassed if you catch her too off-guard, which might backfire on you.
4. See how her friends react to you. Go up to her when her friends are all around her. If they suddenly disperse to leave the two of you alone together, it could mean she has already told them she likes you and has asked them to scram should you come along.
   • Notice how her friends react when you walk by: Do they giggle, whisper to each other, or give you a knowing smile? If so, that's another sign she might like you.
5. Observe how much attention she pays to you. When you talk to her one-on-one, does she keep checking her phone, looking around for someone else to talk to, or shifting her weight like she's looking for an excuse to leave? If so, she's not that into you.
   • But if she leans in, laughs a lot, and seems to just like being in your orbit, then chances are that she's doing this because she likes being around you.
6. Say hello when you see her talking to another guy. If he is not just a part of her group of friends, her reaction might tell you whether she is interested in you (or in him!).
   • If she appears flustered, uncomfortable, or looks down, this may be a sign that she's worried you will think she likes this guy over you. If she does not respond to you because she's so wrapped up in conversation with him, or if she waves to you vaguely and quickly shifts her focus back to him, this might indicate that she's not that interested into you.
   • When you talk to her with a group of friends around, see if she looks to you for your reaction, especially if there are other guys present. This can be a sign that she cares more about how you react than about the other people she's talking to.
   • She may be more shy around you than she is around guys she considers to be "just friends," so try not to read too much into her behavior with guy friends.
7. Recognize that every girl shows interest in different ways. While there are lots of common signals that girls send to let others know they are interested, not all girls work the same way-- they are individuals! A girl could be very shy or very confident, and either personality might express interest in very different ways.
   • Just like you don't always know if a girl is interested (you're reading this article after all!), a girl might not always know how to show her interest. She may send mixed signals, or come across as aloof or disinterested because she's not sure how to best convey her feelings (or, if she's not sure about you as a potential date, she might not be certain she wants you to know about her feelings for you in the first place).
8. Watch out for girls who are indecisive. While some girls will be clearly interested in you and some won't, others might waver between interest and disinterest. These girls might string you along one day and the next day treat you completely differently. This is different from a girl who is just unsure about how to express her feelings; this is a girl who is actively trying to lead you on or take advantage of you.
   • Waiting for someone like this for too long will only cause you pain and will make you lose time that could have been used to find someone that actually likes you. If a girl you like does not seem to know what she wants, give her space and time, and move on if she does not seem to make up her mind.

Listening to What She Says

1. Strike up a conversation. Even if she's shy, try to draw her out by asking her about her own interests. If she seems comfortable talking about herself and sharing her interests and points of view with you, this might indicate that she is keen on you.
   • Keep in mind that a lot of girls feel pressure to tone down their opinions to impress guys, so she might be hesitant to really express herself if you try to get her to talk about things she is passionate about or that are very controversial. Start with casual topics like classes at school, shared hobbies or clubs, or friends you have in common before you broach more serious topics like politics or religion. Help her feel comfortable sharing her opinions by encouraging her to say what she really thinks and not becoming defensive if she disagrees with your opinion.
2. Listen to what she says. If a girl is interested in you, some of the things she says will start to give away her interest. For example, she might suddenly start to call you by a pet name and start complimenting you. Other verbal signs of interest in you include giggling, laughing at your jokes even if they're pretty lame, and asking for your help.
   • See if she's trying to be coy or playful or just telling you something that you think is calculated to make you like her. If she burps in front of you, confesses something embarrassing, or tells you about a guy she has a crush on, then she probably sees you as a friend.
   • Does she talk to you more than she talks to other people (anybody not obviously a friend)? If she's usually not extremely talkative or typically waits for someone else to start a conversation, but talks to you frequently, this could be a good sign that she is very comfortable with you.
3. See if she compliments you a lot. Sincere compliments indicate that she at least likes you as a person, if not more, which is a great place to start. She may also be using the compliment as an excuse to talk to you more, which is also a sign that she might like you.
   • For example, if she compliments you on a shot or kick you made or asks you why you didn't play, it shows that she has been paying as much attention to you as the game itself.
   • If she compliments something you did when it really wasn't all that great, then there's even more of a chance that she's into you.
4. See if she asks you lots of questions. If a girl just nods vaguely or seems distracted when you try to talk to her, then she may be getting bored or be ready to leave. But if she asks you lots of questions, whether she's asking about you or the thing you're talking about, or brings up a completely unrelated topic, then she may be trying to prolong the conversation because she likes you.
   • It's also a good sign if she asks you a question she could easily find the answer to herself; it means she's using the question as an excuse to talk to you. If you have a class together, and she asks you for the homework, when she could easily ask one of her friends instead, then it's a great sign that she's just looking for excuses to talk to you.
   • See if she asks you about your plans; she may be trying to hint that she'd like to come along, or find out if you're hanging out with other girls.
   • Does she ask you about other girls? If she asks you if you have a girlfriend or if you like anyone, this can be tricky: she might be interested in you, or she might be asking for a friend. You might answer coyly (letting her know you do like someone but won't name any names), or you might be honest and say you're interested in her. The other option is to casually turn the question back on her and ask if she's interested in anyone rather than answering her outright.
5. Notice if she laughs at your jokes. Crack a joke. It doesn't matter how bad it is; if she's interested in you, she'll laugh. If she's not into you, you'll get such responses as a steely look and no laugh at all, a pitying smile, or a condescending comment.
   • Girls tend to laugh more at the jokes of people they like, even if they're not all that funny. But avoid offending her or ruining your rapport by being careful to avoid telling jokes that are sexist (or sexual), racist, or otherwise potentially offensive in any way, including jokes at her or another person's expense.

Seeing the Physical Signs

1. Check her posture around you. When she's around you, a girl who is interested will seem to stand taller, pull her shoulders back, and pull her stomach in. You can even try to be slick and check out her posture when she walks away from you, or when she doesn't know you're around.
   • A girl who is interested might subconsciously send nonverbal cues like licking her lips, touching her neck, or lifting her head so that more of her neck is exposed. In general, girls who are interested tend to sit or stand in ways that accentuate their body and face.
   • She may lean toward you more, or move closer to you. Other signs of interest can be playing with her hair or clothing, using hand gestures, or tilting her head.
2. Watch her feet. Some psychologists think that foot movement may be one of the best nonverbal cues to read in order to know if someone is interested in you, since we are the least conscious of what our feet are doing. Check what she does with her feet and legs while sitting, which might indicate her level of interest.
   • Girls who sit with their feet under them or their legs tightly crossed may be showing a lack of interest or some degree of nervousness around you.
   • On the other hand, girls who sit with their feet away from their body and their legs relaxed may be more interested.
3. Notice how she reacts if you touch her. Casually brush her arm or shoulder in passing, or touch her hand as you reach for something on the table. A girl who likes you will almost definitely notice if you touch her, even in a very casual and platonic way: she may blush, glance at you, or try to make the touch linger. A girl who definitely dislikes you is likely to pull away, avoid your touch, or act as if you have burned her by casually touching her. A girl who sees you as just a friend is likely to not notice your touch at all.
   • While a casual, glancing touch of her hand or arm can be helpful if you are trying to figure out if she likes you, do not take it any further than that until you know for sure that she is interested and have her consent.
   • While holding the girl's hand or putting your hands around her waist may seem like a nice thing to do, these more intimate types of touch are best saved for when you know she is interested and comfortable with you touching her. It is very important not to rush things. Do not forcefully take her hand or touch her. If she is showing signs of irritation, immediately stop touching her, or she may think that you are possessive and controlling.
4. See if she blushes around you. Look for the blush; that's a fairly good sign that she's into you. If she blushes just from seeing you, being around you, or saying hello to you, then it may be because she's flustered because she likes you.
   • Be sure that you watch her around other people to see if she's the kind of person who blushes easily.
5. Notice if her pupils get larger when she talks to you. If this is the case, then she may have a crush on you. Look into her eyes to see if her pupils get larger without creeping her out. This is a sign that she's excited about being around you.
   • Of course, if you're in a room and the lights suddenly dim, then her pupils will get larger, too.
6. See if she imitates you. Imitation really is the highest form of flattery — and a sign that she likes you. Watch for her touching you and mirroring your movements. These are signs that she's interested.
   • This is called limbic synchrony, and it’s a subconscious feature of human interaction that signals that we like someone or are in agreement with them. For example, if you have your arms crossed, she may cross her arms, or if you have your hands on your hips, she may do the same.
7. Catch her looking at you. She will start to maintain eye contact and even lock eyes with you once she's interested in you. She will scan your face, do a double-take, and give you a darting glance, then a second look. She may also look doe-eyed or dewy-eyed when she looks at you.
   • If she looks down at the ground, it may mean that she is shy and nervous to make eye contact.
   • Take a moment during class, after studies, or whenever she's around to check out where she's looking. If she's watching you or looks at you and then quickly looks away when she spots that you've seen her, you at least know that she's thinking about you. Focusing her view on you is a great sign of interest.
8. Notice where she shows up. Is she turning up everywhere you seem to be? Is she showing a sudden interest in things you like but she's not so big on, such as your football games? If she is willing to go out of the way to an event or game she'd normally have nothing to do with, this is a big hint that she's interested in you. It gets even clearer for you if she takes the time to ask you questions about the game or about your involvement in it; that means she's definitely into you.
   • Maybe you see her suddenly hanging around your group of friends when you never saw her in that circle before. It could be her way of trying to get closer to you.

Avoiding Misreading Her Cues

1. Don't assume that she is interested. Many guys overestimate how interested a girl is because they don't pay attention to what she says and does, but instead jump to conclusions. Girls are socialized to be nice and friendly to everyone, even if they're not interested, and that can lead to a lot of mixed signals from guys who interpret every nice girl as a flirting girl. For example, you might think "She talked to me! She must like me!" or "She smiled at me! She must like me!" when actually she is just friendly and talks to and smiles at everyone.
   • Pay careful attention to her and don't jump to conclusions from a few small interactions with her. Get to know her as an individual and give it time over several weeks to really know if she is interested in you or if she's just a friendly person.
2. Do not misread her outfit. Sometimes guys mistake a girl's clothing choice as an indication of her interest in him, and that can be very misleading. In particular, some guys assume that a girl who is scantily clad or dressed in a sexual or provocative way must be interested in him. This is a dangerous assumption, since there are a million reasons a girl might be dressed the way she is that have nothing to do with you.
   • Don't assume that a girl who is dressed in a sexual or provocative way is doing so to entice you or lead you on, or to convey that she is interested in you sexually.
   • While it's true that a girl who is interested in you is likely to try to look her best around you, this has very little to do with how sexy she will try to be. Her body language and facial expression are a better indication of her level of interest than her clothing choice.
3. Accept that no means no. Every time, all the time: if she says no, it means no. Although it's true that some people play games, you can't afford to risk misreading her intention when it comes to her consent. You must choose to be respectful of her if she says no to your advances or to your interest.
   • If you try to touch her in any way (whether its hand holding, back rubbing, kissing, or anything else) and she says no, stop immediately and don't do it again unless she says it's ok. Listening to her when she says no shows respect for her right to choose. Consent is not just about sex, it's about all forms of intimacy.
   • If she says she's not interested in you, respect it until she says otherwise. Most often you can still be her friend, but back off if she seems uncomfortable with you or avoids being around you.

Asking Her Out

1. Listen to your own senses. How do you feel when you're around her? Do you feel happy, Be Happy, Giddy and Random, and excited? Does she make you feel good about yourself and do you feel like you want to spend more time around her? These are good signs that you're feeling good about her and ready to get to know her better.
   • The fact that you're reading about how to tell if she's interested is probably already a great sign that you're into her and ready to take this to the next level.
2. See if she hints that she wants you to ask her out. She may want you to ask her on a date but doesn't want to be too obvious about it. However, there are some tell-tale signs that she wants to take your relationship to the next level.
   • She may ask what you're doing over the weekend and mention that she's not doing much. When you mention a hobby, she may say she'd like to try it some time. If you mention a movie that's coming out and she blurts out, "I'd love to see it!" then she may be opening up a space for you to invite her to go.
3. Gather up your courage and ask her out. You've had all the indications above, and you've decided the feelings are mutual and you'd really like to take her on a date. The next logical step is to own up to your interest in her and hope that she'll respond in kind.
   • Pick a place where you won't be interrupted, but be casual about it. Let her know you're interested without putting on too much pressure.
   • When you ask her on a date, try not to leave it vague whether it’s actually a date or if you're just going as friends. For example, if you say, "Do you want to catch a movie?" she won't know if you're asking as her friend or as a potential date. But if you phrase it differently and say, "I was wondering if you might want to go out sometime? We could catch a movie," it will be more clear that you have romantic intentions. Clarity will also help you too: the last thing you want is a girl who doesn't like you in that way to go on a date with you and not realize it until later!
4. Don't beat yourself up if she says no. Sometimes you'll get all the signals because a girl is naturally flirty with everyone. She isn't doing it to be mean; it's just who she is and you'll need to keep looking.
   • More rarely, if she says no, it could be a sign that she's nervous, confused, or playing hard to get. She could also be having some problems at home or with a parent who won't allow her to date, or she might simply not be ready. If you really like her, you can continue being her friend and try again at a later date when she's had more time to get to know you.

Tips

• If you never ask a girl out because you can't be certain she's interested in you, you'll stay single all your life.
• Don't try too hard to get a girl to like you if she is showing signs that she's not interested. You might think she'd prefer a guy who acts a certain way, but if you change your personality you're likely to leave her wondering what's wrong with you! Don't put on a show; just be yourself.
• Girls can be too shy to ask you out. Even in an age where it's considered fine for girls to do the asking, many girls will wait either because they feel that guys would react negatively to them asking or because they feel there is a certain romance attached to the idea of the guy doing the asking.
• For most girls, honesty is an important way of establishing yourself as a potential partner. Don't do anything dishonest or that leads her on, or any interest she may have in you is likely to wane.
• In this age of social media, you can often look for signs of interest on something she tweets or makes her status. Often if she makes it a title of a song that has lyrics related to a situation that you two were involved in this could be a sign that she shows interest in you as she was still thinking about you afterwards, and the song reminded her of you.

Warnings

• If a girl tells you she is not interested in you, do not pressure or coerce her to spend time with you or become physical. That is a form of harassment and she can take legal action against you.

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Sources and Citations

See also

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