Act After the First Date
Dates are meetings between 2 people who have the intent of exploring the possibility of romantic interest in each other. A couple may go anywhere they agree on during a date, and they may or may not have known (or met) each other before the date. Dating can be an anxiety-inducing event because you don't necessarily know what to expect, or how you will get along with your date. Although there are many sources for how to date, there are no clear-cut rules for how to date, or for post-date etiquette. Fortunately, there are certain indicators you may consider if you want to know what to do once the date is over. Follow these guidelines for how to act after the first date.
Steps
- Determine how you felt about the date. Your feelings about your date should guide you toward a preference. For example, if you really liked your date, then you may prefer to see the person again, right away. Evaluate the following:
- Consider what you liked and disliked about your date. Make a list of the things you liked about the person, as well as a list of the things you did not like. Decide if there is anything on the list that gives you a definitive answering regarding follow-up.
- Assess your level of interest. You may be extremely interested in knowing more about the person, have a passing interest rather than a desire or completely lack any interest in learning more about your date. Remember that people may not always be their natural selves during first dates, so you may want to give someone that you're not quite sure about a second chance.
- Assess the date from a subjective standpoint. Although there is no standard dating how to formula, there are ways to measure a date's subjective success. Chances are that if a date was successful by certain measures, then a second date is a good idea. Think about the following:
- Signs of a good first date include regular eye contact, playful flirting, time passing without either party being aware, physical gestures (touching hands, brushing up against each other, etc.), ease of conversation, open body stance, mimicking each others' body language and speaking of doing things together in the future.
- Signs of a bad first date include 1 person or the other talking too much, excessive egocentric talk, bringing up past relationships, extended uncomfortable silences, checking the time, overtly sexual flirting, texting or phoning during the date, closed body language (crossed arms), frequent trips to the restroom, criticism, rudeness to other people, unwarranted affection, lack of response to wanted affection and unexpectedly ending the date early.
- Consider how the date ended. Gauging where and how the date left off is a great way to figure out how you should act after the first date.
- If the date ended abruptly, without much of a goodbye or even a walk to the doorway, that may be indicative of a lack of interest. Conversely, if both of you seemed to be stretching the end of the date out, then there may be more there to explore.
- When both parties willingly go in for a kiss at the end of a first date, then it is likely that they are both interested in getting to know each other. Conversely, if the date ended with an awkward hug or an unappreciative romantic gesture, then it is likely that either 1 or both of the daters was not interested in advancing the relationship.
- Keep in mind that the closing comments of the date can be the decisive factor in regards to how you should act afterward. For example, if you tell your date you will call, then it is up to you to call. Likewise, if your dates ends ambiguously, with no one volunteering follow-through, then you will have to decide how you want to handle things post-date.
- Follow up in accordance with what you know about the date. Take into account how you feel about the date, how subjectively successful you think the date was and how the date ended. You have a number of options when it comes to post-date follow-up:
- If you determine that you are not interested in getting to know the person after your first date, or if you are convinced the date was irreparably unsuccessful, then there is no need to pursue another date. However, it is a good idea to let the person know that you are not interested so as to avoid unwanted follow-up on the other end.
- If the date went well and you want to see the other person again, then you may want to contact the other person. There is no official dating how to about when to call back, although 2 to 3 days is a commonly cited timeframe. Prepare what you want to say ahead of time so as to avoid stumbling over your words, and be sure to let the other know that you enjoyed the date and would like to get together again. Also, be ready to make a specific second-date suggestion. For example, a good post-date message could go something like, "I had a great time with you the other night and would love to see you again. Would you like to see that new movie we talked about this coming weekend?"
- If you are interested in a second date, but refuse to make follow-up contact, then you have no choice but to wait for the other to contact you.
Tips
- When meeting someone for the first time, choose a date activity that provides you with the opportunity for plenty of face-to-face talk time. For example, a day at the museum is a better first date idea than an evening at the movies.
- If you decide not to make the follow-up call but really want a second date, then set a time frame for waiting for the other to call you and commit to either making the call yourself after the time is up, or letting go of the hope of a second date. Whatever you choose, you don't want to end up waiting indefinitely for a call that may never come.
- Attending a Speed Date night can be a great way to acclimate yourself to interacting on first dates, and can also teach you a lot about how to initiate or reject the next step, as speed dating provides you with the opportunity to go on many short dates in a period of only hours.
Warnings
- Avoid sounding needy or desperate when you follow-up after a first date. You may feel that you really like the other, but revealing serious feelings after a first date may scare some people away.
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