Talk to a Parent About a Bad Grade on Your Report Card

Parents might seem like your enemies sometimes, but they’re there to help and support you. If you’re worried about talking to them about a bad report card, remember that it will only make them feel sad or angry for a little while, and only because they care about you and want you to do well. If you explain the report card to them in the right manner, then the effects won't be so bad.

Steps

Preparing to Talk to Your Parents

1. Understand your report card. Depending on your grade, your report card may have information that doesn't fall into the typical A or B in math or science category. Your report card may show social skills or work habits, like pays attention or talks too much. It may also give grades like S, N, or D for satisfactory, needs improvement, or developing. Make sure to ask your teacher to explain any unclear parts of your report card. You want to be able to explain your grades to your parents as knowledgeably as possible.
   • Know what your grades are based on. Have you only had one test you bombed, or have you had 5 tests this grading period? How many quizzes, tests, and homework assignments are included? You might also want to gather together some of your tests, quizzes, and homework so you can go over them with your parents.
   • Another thing to think about is what kind of report card this is. Some schools give report cards every 9 weeks to show the student's progress through the semester. These 9 week report card grades are not the ones that will be put down into your records; they can be improved. If your school does semester report cards, the report card you get that lists the grades for the entire semester is important because these are the grades that will go into your records and stay with you. Make sure you understand how your school does report cards and which ones are temporary and permanent.
2. Think about why you're struggling in school. Write down all the reasons you can think of for why you got bad grades in the classes you struggled in. One of the first things your parents might ask you is why this happened, so have an answer ready for your parents. Be honest in your self-evaluation. Some reasons for why you’re not doing well in a class might be:
   • You sit next to a friend and get easily distracted.
   • You find the teacher boring and fall asleep in class.
   • You like to relax or have fun after school instead of doing your homework.
   • You don’t like the subject matter, so you don’t pay attention.
   • You understand the material pretty well, but you have test anxiety that drags down your test scores.
   • You’re trying your best and paying attention, but you can’t keep up.
   • The teacher doesn't prepare you well enough for the quizzes and exams. Are other people struggling in this class, too?
3. Ask your teachers for their advice. You’ll probably know that your report card is going to be bad before you get it, so talk to your teachers before report-card day to get your improvement plan under way. Be honest with your teachers about your reasons for struggling in the class.
   • Ask if there is any extra credit you can earn through extra work.
   • Ask what they think the problem is with your performance. Teachers have a lot of experience with struggling students; they might be able to see some problems in your performance that you wouldn’t even be able to recognize as problematic.
   • Ask for advice on how to better understand the material.
4. Create a plan for how to improve your performance. Remember to use all the information and ideas you came up with in your self-evaluation and your conversation with your teacher to figure out how to do better during your next grading period. By approaching your parents with a plan for improvement, you’ll show them that you understand that you made a mistake and, more importantly, that you’re mature enough to take steps to fix the situation. This will likely make them trust you more when you promise to improve your grades. Some ways to improve your grades might be to:
   • Stay after school for tutoring with the teacher.
   • Do the extra credit you discussed with your teacher.
   • Sit somewhere where you can’t see or talk to the friend who distracts you in class.
   • Make sure you get enough sleep every night and eat a good breakfast that gives you the energy to stay awake all day.
   • Come up with a list of ways that the information covered in this class will be useful to you later in life. You may not want to be a mathematician when you grow up — maybe you want to be a writer. But you still need to get good grades in math to get into college!
5. Create a set daily schedule. Not everyone operates the same way, so come up with a schedule that you think will actually work for you. You might be the kind of person who needs to work all in one stretch, so make a schedule where you start homework the second you get home from school, then relax for the rest of the evening. If you’re always burned out by the time school ends, then give yourself an hour or two of break time when you get home from school. Figure out what works best for you.
   • The important thing is that you start your homework at the same time every single day. Routine is an important part of making studying a part of your life.
6. Create long-term, realistic goals for yourself. Why are these grades important to you? What do you want to do later in life? Most students want to go to college and get a job. Do you know the kinds of schools you want to apply to or what subject you'd like to study? Knowing the scholastic expectations and what kind of grades you need for your colleges can help you figure out if A's, B's, or C's will suffice.
   • Report cards aren't just about getting a grade. Report cards should reflect your hard work, improvement, and learning of the subject matter. You want to foster a love of learning, or at the least, an understanding about why learning and hard work is important.

Talking to Your Parents

1. Don't try to hide the report card from your parents. Though the impulse may be strong to just hide the report card from your parents, resist the temptation. Hiding your grades will point to your immaturity, while taking responsibility and approaching your parents shows maturity. Your parents may also be madder if you hide it from them, which is something you definitely don't want.
   • Don't put off telling your parents, either. You don't want them to ask, "Why are you just telling me about this now!" or "Why didn't you tell me as soon as you got the report card?"
2. Talk to both of your parents together. Even if you approach a more understanding parent individually at first, eventually you’re going to have to talk to both of them together. By addressing them both in person, you show them that you’re owning up to your mistakes and are willing to have hard discussions with them. This will go a long way toward earning their respect.
   • Tell them that you have some bad grades before showing them the actual report card. It’s easier to hear something than to see it in black and white, so the shock won’t be as jarring for them.
3. Explain the reasons for your performance. When you talk to your parents, explain why you think you did poorly this grading period. This opens up a dialogue between you and your parents. You want to communicate to them that you are aware of your performance and your strengths and weaknesses. Show them the list you made and go through all the reasons together. Have an honest discussion.
   • Don't provide excuses. Refrain from saying things like, "My teacher is mean!" or "It's not my fault!" Also, don't lie or deny what the report card says by saying, "I didn't know I was missing homework" or "I didn't know I talked too much in class." Take responsibility for your actions. This shows your parents you are mature, responsible, and willing to improve.
4. Show them the action plan you created. Present your parents with the way in which you plan to improve your grades. Explain the reasoning behind your plan and why you think it will work. Write down the plan and give it to your parents so they know the steps you are taking. Ask them for their advice on how you could improve it further.
   • Explain to your parents that you are not satisfied with your grade. This shows them that you are taking this very seriously.
   • Don't just tell your parents that you are going to do better - show them. Giving them a structured plan of how you aim to improve shows them you are serious about improving.
5. Define what bad means with your parents. Knowing what you and your parents think are good and bad grades and comments can help you face your report cards. This also helps you understand their expectations of you.
   • At the beginning of each school year, after a bad report card, or whenever you first think about it, you and your parents should get together and discuss what they expect your performance in school to be, what you expect your performance to be, and what you think you can achieve. This puts you and your parents on the same page, and gives you a mental idea of what you want to achieve.
   • Keep in mind that doing well in school doesn't mean perfect straight A's. Not every student is a straight A student. For some students, their best is B's or even C's. Maybe A's in English is normal for you, but C's in math is an improvement. Strive to be the best you can be, but don't have impossible goals for yourself.
   • Remember that as you move through school, the work will become more challenging. Don't freak out if you start making B's in a class you may have made A's in as you move to middle and high school. If this happens to you, explain to your parents that geometry was easy, but algebra and trig are much more difficult for you. Tell your parents that physical science was easier than chemistry.
6. Focus on the positive. During your talk with your parents, point out the positive things on your report card. Even if you get some bad grades, it is important to focus on the good things on your report card. Sometimes, this might be difficult, but highlight any of your achievements. Did you get a positive effort comment from your teacher, or perfect attendance?
   • One of the most important things to focus on are any academic achievements or improvements - no matter how small. Did you bring your grade up two points? Did you maintain your B average in science?
   • Don't let the bad grades erase all the good work you did that is reflected on your report card. Also evaluate your bad grade - are you and your parents unhappy with your C in history? Is that C an improvement over your grade last term? If so, focus on the improvement and vow to keep improving it since you already have!
7. Don't assume your parents will get angry. Your parents were kids once, too, so don’t assume that they’re going to come down hard on you. They probably remember getting bad report cards themselves, and if this is your first one, ask them to be understanding. Remember, if you talk to them calmly and maturely, you will set a positive example.
   • Stay polite and respectful, even when you get frustrated. When your parents get your news, they may be shocked and a little angry, but don’t let yourself get defensive or angry in return.
   • Be willing to take the punishments they throw at you like an adult.
8. Be optimistic. No report card is the end of the world. There is always room to improve and to better yourself and your grades. Plus, you now have a plan on how to fix the problem! You know how to do better, so promise your parents and yourself that you’ll follow through. Improving your grades should be as much about yourself as it is for your parents.
   • Don't get so discouraged and upset that you give up. Don't tell your parents, "I can't improve! I'm a loser! I'm stupid! This is impossible!" These types of thoughts aren't encouraging to your or your parents. Start by giving yourself small goals if the end goal seems too unattainable. Try saying, "I will improve my next quiz and test grade by 5 or 10 points." These small goals will add up to a noticeable larger improvement.
9. Ask your parents to speak to other parents or your teacher. Do you think that part of the reason you're struggling in class is that the teacher might be at fault? Be very honest here — don't just blame the teacher if it's really your fault that you're doing poorly in school. Blaming the teacher without a good reason will only get you in hotter water — both at home and at school. However, if you know that many other students in the class are struggling and that the teacher hasn't prepared you well enough to pass his or her exams, let your parents know that your teacher might be part of the problem.
   • Suggest holding a parent-teacher conference where you are included. Talking to both your teacher and parents not only can help give you motivation and tips on how to improve, but it shows them that you are serious about your achievement.
   • Be thoughtful in how you present this argument. Your parents might assume that you're trying to shift the blame, so give enough evidence to convince them that the teacher might be at least part of the problem.
10. Ask your parents to help you study. Tell them honestly if you don’t trust yourself to stick to the schedule you set for yourself every single day, and ask them to keep you accountable. Promise that you won’t resent them for helping you stick to your own plan. Some other ways parents can help you study include:
    • Explaining difficult concepts in their own words. Sometimes teachers and textbooks phrase things in ways that are difficult to grasp. Maybe your parents, who know you and how your brain works, can explain things more clearly.
    • Helping you make flash cards for yourself.
    • Quizzing you.
    • Going over your homework to make sure you didn’t make any errors, and helping you correct those errors.
    • Giving you extra assignments outside of school to give you more practice on the concepts you’re struggling with.
    • You need to understand that your parents are very busy, and they may not have as much time to spend on your homework as they’d like to. It’s ultimately your own responsibility to study for school, so be grateful to your parents for any extra help they can give you.
11. Ask your parents to hire a tutor. A private tutor will be specially trained to help you catch up to the rest of your classmates, but they can be pretty expensive. Don't hold it against your parents if they can’t hire one for you.
    • If a private tutor isn’t an option, consider asking a classmate who’s doing very well in the class to be your tutor. This way, you won’t feel like you’re working alone, and your parents won’t have to spend a bunch of money on a tutor.
12. Talk to your parents about your grades between report card periods. Keeping your parents informed about your grades through the school year eliminates any surprises on the report cards. Show them tests and quizzes when they are returned. Another idea is to take time every weekend to go over the past week's assignments. This keeps you and your parents aware of your progress.
    • Keeping up with your assignments can also help you to identify any struggles you are having. If you suddenly got a bad grade on a quiz or a test, you and your parents can discuss what might be the problem and figure out how to correct it. This helps you deal with any difficulties you have in school before they become a huge problem.

Tips

• If one of your parents is more understanding than the other, consider talking to them first, before having a conversation with both parents together.
• If they get upset, stay calm. It will make things worse if you're both arguing and stating your points at the same time.
• Talk with your parents in a reasonable tone and listen to them. They just want to see you succeed.
• Blow off some steam. Punch your pillow, go ride your bike as fast as you can, or listen to some music that gets you pumped, but avoid getting into a fight with your parents.
• Be willing to come up with a reasonable punishment for yourself. This will show them that you're serious about the situation and it won't happen again.
• Remember, they will always love you for who you are, even if you get a bad grade!
• Tell your mom and dad that school is hard and that support and help may aid in reaching academic goals.
• Say what's positive about it and you will work on the rest.
• Show them the card the way it is to prevent getting in more trouble. Your parents will be more angry if you lie or hide it from them. Don't type a card that says you got mostly Bs and Cs when they were nearly all Fs. Tell your parents your plan of action that will fix the grades for next semester.
• Don't use excuses like "The kids in my class talk too much." Excuses like this will make you look irresponsible and trying to talk your way out of trouble instead of being honest and accepting when you are at fault.
• Be prepared but think positive and be prepared for the worst thing that can happen.
• Some parents expect a lot. It's okay, tell them what you don't understand, and maybe they can help.
• While every parent wants their child to get a straight A report card, if your report card doesn't meet their standards, they will still love you! Spending time worrying about it only makes you tired and frustrated -- leading you to no resolution. Instead, stay positive even in bad situations.
• Some schools have a website or online system they use to keep students and parents updated concerning grades. If your school does this, you could try logging in to that website and show your grades to your parents ahead of time. Work with them and your teachers on a plan to improve your grades if they're low. Telling your parents ahead of time will help prevent a bigger blow when they get the report card.

Warnings

• Try to show them when they're not in a bad mood and didn't have a bad day. They might take their unrelated stress out on you, otherwise.
• Don't forge their signature on report cards. The teacher could tell your parents and then things will not end well for you.
• Don't avoid showing your parents your report card. They will see it eventually, and hiding it will almost certainly make them angry.
• In certain cultures, it's likely that you and your parents may have differing definitions about what is a good grade and what isn't, or the importance of grades. While you may have improved your grade from a D to a C and appreciate the improvement, your parents may focus on the fact that you're not at an A+.
• In certain cultures, especially Asian cultures, you may not be able to or even want to follow the steps listed above. Well, you may be able to, but in most Asian cultures, parents want results, so do whatever it takes to get that result. Even if you put in a lot of effort, your parents may very likely not understand that if the efforts failed to pay off, which happens.
• Don't stress about this talk with your parents. They'll probably forget and forgive you, but don't worry if it takes them ages to calm down — it's only because they care and want the best for you.
• Never lie to them. It only makes it worse!

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Sources and Citations

• Stroebele, Nanette, et al. "The Association Of Self-Reported Sleep, Weight Status, And Academic Performance In Fifth-Grade Students." Journal Of School Health 83.2 (2013): 77-84. SPORTDiscus with Full Text. Web. 10 Dec. 2014.

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• Deal With a Bad Grade
• Discuss Important Issues with Your Parents
• Hide a Bad Grade or Report Card from Your Parents
• Maintain a 4.0 GPA
• Show Your Parents a Bad Grade
• Talk to Your Parents